The Drop Box

It's been a while, huh? While I figured right now would be a great time to write since I have a hundred other things I should be doing to get ready for my first cruise early Thursday morning... yeah, yeah procrastination at its finest. But hey, it's giving me a reason to share what's stirring in my heart tonight.

A D O P T I O N

A word that often times is related to long processes, frustrations, large amounts of money, and a lot of times sorrow. People who are adopting often doing it because they cannot conceive children on their own. This can cause insecurities and bitterness. Then there are the adoptees who, most likely, at some point in their lives wonder why their birth parents gave them up leading to feeling abandoned and hurting. So much heaviness can be linked to this word adoption... but tonight, I connect this word with hope. 

I laid in my bed tonight looking to find something on Netflix to watch (this was the beginning of my procrastination finding an outlet). I came across the documentary titled "The Drop Box". I had heard of this movie several months ago in a Bible study from a fellow youth leader. As he talked about it I could hear the passion in his voice but truthfully, I was a little zoned out and didn't catch the point of the film. I knew it had something to do with a pastor rescuing babies but that was about it. I wasn't able to see the film and sort of just forgot it even existed. 

So tonight when I saw this title I got pretty excited to finally check it out. I mean I have always been about adoption, after traveling all over the world, and my own country, and seeing all the children of the world... red, brown, yellow, black and white... and experiencing how precious they were and knowing how much they were loved by the Lord (I don't care how cheesy "Jesus Loves The Little Children" is, it's super true), I had always held a special place in my heart to adopt some day. Maybe 1; maybe 2; maybe 10... I don't know, I just know it will happen. 

And so I turned the movie on...

I loved hearing the stories (or reading, since most of the documentary is in Korean lol) and I loved seeing the faces of those dear children. You could definitely see the heart of passion and love Pastor Lee has to serve the Lord by caring for the orphaned. But there was a specific point in the film where Pastor Lee says something that reminded me of a truth we all should walk in. He says: “The reason I decided to become their father was God has adopted me.”  Take a moment and let that sink in...

Because God has adopted me... chose me... loved me... comforted me... blessed me... anointed me... the list could go on and on. HE is our Father. And I know that I want to live this life through His heart as much as I possibly can. I know that adoption can be scary, but above and beyond that I also know how special and humbly it can be. To care for those who have no one to swoop them in to their arms and love them... that is the heart of the Father. And I am reminded tonight of my adoption into His arms... when the world pushed me out and I felt completely abandoned and alone, He was there embracing me and letting me know that the depth of His love for me goes beyond the deepest ocean and the furthest galaxy. 

I want to encourage you, if you have never thought of adoption as your thing, reconsider. Pray about it. We can never know the extent of life changing that can happen when we open ourselves up to be used to pour out the love of our Father... but we don't know to know, we just need to obey!

Lord, if it be Your will, open the hearts of those reading this to reach out in obedience to You and allow You to use them to change the lives of those around them. Let us be Your vessels for You to pour out love. Whether it is through adoption or through sharing a meal with a person without a home. Let us shine Your light in whatever way possible. Amen.

Victory in Him

"I wait quietly before God,

For my victory comes from Him.

2 

He alone is my rock and my salvation,

    my fortress where I will never be shaken."

~ Psalm 62:1-2

I feel like I just need a second to comprehend that first line in itself... Quiet is NOT my forte; let alone add the word that no one likes... "wait"! Geesh, that is quite a beginning statement. Nonetheless, these 2 verses (and whole chapter really) have been a comfort for me these last couple of weeks. There is something about going through a battling season in life that makes you have to decide what the important things are. What are the things I'm going to cling to? Where am I going to find my strength? I'm learning that it's easy to seek out the comfortable and try to hide away from the battles of this world, but I'm also learning there is no victory in that.

The sense of false safety/security that comes from hiding is a scary one... it tends to make us believe that we are better off hiding rather than pushing through. But these verses show me that there is already victory in my life, because I dwell (or wait quietly as this verse states) in the Victor. So why do I need to feel comfortable by hiding away? If I know the victory is there then I need to stand firmly on my Rock. For HE is my firm foundation and so whom/what shall I fear?

Isn't it easy to say these things? But putting it in to action is something all in itself! But we learn; we grow; we stretch ourselves in trust. And I know for me, I begin to release the sense of control I think I need to have and it becomes easier to wait quietly before Him. Knowing that as I wait, He's already in motion... HE IS ALREADY IN MOTION! The God of yesterday, today and forever; the Creator of the Heavens and the earth; the Healer and Deliverer; the Alpha and the Omega... He is already in motion.

As I look all around me and see the storm raging, my boat rocking and fear rising, all I have to do is look over at Jesus resting peacefully in the very same boat and realize He knows. He knew the struggle would happen, He knew how I would respond (which, truthfully, is not all that great most of the time lol) but most of all He knows the victory that will come from Him calming that storm in the end. So when it all feels too heavy, I can crawl up next to Him and allow His peace that surpasses my understanding to penetrate my very core. I can breathe in His truth and cast out all fear. I can rest in His joy and release heaviness. 

And I can rejoice in the victory the lies before me!

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness to know beyond my comprehension how everything will work out in the end. Thank you for loving me through my humanistic thinking and for covering me with Your grace and Your mercy all the days of my life! I love You!
Amen

Your Story

Over the last week I spent some much needed time next to a river. The constant sound of flowing waters and chirping of birds while leaves rustle in the wind allowed me to rest in the presence of the One who created it all. There is most definitely nothing like the peace that comes from being in His creation with Him. But I did not spend the whole week sitting alone, I would have gone crazy if that were the case lol; I spent many hours building relationship with teenagers who were searching for the heart of the Father. We spent many hours laughing, worshipping, praying and seeing Him move. But something stuck with me throughout the week... something that comes up often but never really hit my heart before. In many instances, when I would ask the kids what they wanted from the Lord they would say a form of this: "I don't want my past to follow me anymore!" I didn't hear this once or twice, but several times throughout the week.

Why are we afraid of our stories? Why do we fear the things of our past? Why do we dwell in guilt and shame? These are the questions I began to ponder conversation after conversation. I searched my own heart and realized I lived much of my life afraid of the same thing. There was a time I felt that if anyone knew my past they would only see me for that. I realized that by allowing those things to stay bottled up I had kept myself from experiencing much freedom. But there was a point in my life where I realized that my story needed to be shared...

I remember sitting across from this girl when I was 18 years old sharing, for the first time, in full my testimony. I could see tears building up in her eyes and I could feel Holy Spirit moving in the midst of the conversation. I shared the brokenness I had felt my whole life and how that had led to depression; how I had to wear this constant mask of good church girl but as soon as I got home would cry myself to sleep. There were so many negative thoughts I allowed to consume me. After sharing with her she opened up to me, she became very vulnerable, and shared her struggles as well. I had the opportunity to pray with her and from that moment I got to walk through life with her. She and I are still friends to this day and I still get excited overtime I see the freedom she is living in.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share not only the pains and tragedies of our lives, but the joy and salvation that the Lord has given us as well, we bring such glory to Him. For if it weren't for Him we'd all be stuck in the muck of this world and our flesh. For it is for freedom that we have been set free (Galatians 5:1)... not only our freedom but the freedom of others. The word tells us that we have overcome by the blood of the Lamb but also by the word of our testimonies (Revelation 12:11). When we release our story, we release freedom.

As I've been reading Acts I see Paul sharing his story at any and every moment possible. Paul, the man who was murdering Christians; the man who was denying Jesus... He would openly share that with the world. Why? Because his life didn't stop at the murder and the other horrible things he did, his story continued on to shine light on the fact that he was made free by Jesus, the very one he persecuted. 

Don't be afraid of your story. And don't allow your story to make you feel unworthy. Yes, you have sinned, so have I, because we are flesh. If you weren't meant to dwell in your mistakes then Jesus would never have come to offer freedom and life. The Bible tells us that He died for us while we were still sinners... WHILE WE WERE STILL, not after we had purified ourselves and lived holy lives for a certain amount of time. No! It was in the int hat He came to set us free. So I encourage you, just as I encourage those teenagers this past week, walk in that freedom... release your story in the world and see the difference that it brings. Don't fear the past, rejoice in the freedom! 

Fathers

Yesterday was Father's Day and all day I was trying to think of a wonderfully honoring post to thank all the men in my life who have loved me and stood by my side. There didn't seem to be any words that were fitting. But this morning, as I was watching dads bringing their kids to school, I started thinking about the roles men play and the choices they have to play them.

You see our ultimate, perfect Father shows us that being a father is a hard job. It takes patience, grace, discipline, peace, love, joy and most of all sacrifice. Our Heavenly Father sacrificed His own Son so that we may have life and freedom in life. He constantly has us turning our backs on Him and yet He is always standing there with arms wide opened. He allows us to make our own choices, never forcing us to love Him; and when we make those ridiculous mistakes, He is there to guide us in loving and gracious discipline. He is THE great comfort and joy giver; and He never fails to be our peace when we allow Him. Obviously there is so much to be said about our amazing Father, but this blog could never contain all those words in a lifetime of posts. 

In reflection of our Heavenly Father, men must learn to step up from just being know as a dad to truly being a Father: one willing to choose to love and guide everyday. It's easy to help produce a child, but it takes depth of heart to choose to father. To those of you out there choosing everyday to try your best, with the help of the greatest Father of all, to raise your children, bless you! Thank you for not giving up on the days that are seemingly overwhelming. Bless you for working diligently to provide not only financially but in love and support as well. You are honored among a dying breed. 

There are many men out there who take it a step further even; not only are they raising their children, but they are taking those of us (who have no earthly father) and pulling us under their wings. If I could shout from the mountain tops for everyone to hear I would tell the world how grateful I am for you. You are not expected to love us; you are not required to care and guide... but you do. You show the Father in more ways imaginable and I am beyond words grateful. Thank you or understanding those days that I am sleeping on your couch; thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for blessing me financially so many different times. For your words of wisdom and discernment! For caring about who will marry me, and threatening to beat any guy who breaks my heart :)! 

 To a girl who grew up very independent and knowing that I could do anything myself, these men helped mold me. They showed me that I deserved to be cherished and that I didn't need to put on the tough face. It was ok for me to be a lady. Often they would make me laugh and many times I would shed a tear with a heart of gratitude. It's amazing really, the choice to love the "orphan" can change ones perspective on the world. 

And to you men, who are still learning how to be mend still trying to decide if you want to step up to the plate... know this: When a man is manly enough to follow the Lord's example and be a reflection of His character in the earth, lives are changed; women are allowed to be women and children are allowed to be children. So I urge you, decide wisely and decide quickly. Allow the Lord to use you in the life of your children and the children around you. It will change this world!

Lord, I thank you for men who follow your lead. I ask that you would bless them and encourage them. Let them know that they are making a difference even if they can't see the outcome. Let those around them honor them and speak life into them. Holy Spirit would you help them to have the strength and boldness to continue to make the decision to care for your children? Let that be a burning in their hearts! Turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers. In Jesus' holy name, Amen!

Thank you for all you do FATHERS! <3 

7 Eleven and Perspective

Tonight I decided to stop by 7 Eleven for a slurpee on my way home (it's too hot outside, don't judge me!:) ). As I was standing in line to pay 2 teen guys walked in and caught my attention. I wouldn't normal have noticed them, but they walked in talking pretty loudly, using every unnecessary word possible. To be honest, I was already annoyed just by that happening. They proceeded to walk into the candy and medicine aisle. I turned the other way and all of a sudden the worker at the cash register takes off from behind the counter yelling at them... to say the least, they had my attention again. As he walked over I saw one of the teens take a package of condoms, which had very obviously just been hidden, out of his pocket and shoved back on the shelf. The worker came over and was saying something and one of the boys said with an attitude, "well at least I put it back, geesh sorry" and walked away... but at least he said sorry. The other kid stood there mocking the man and making rude gestures and comments towards him, being the most disrespectful I think I've seen someone be in a long time.

My blood was boiling.

I wanted to say so much! I wanted to yell at them for being rude; lecture them for trying to steal; correct them for using such ridiculous language... but something in me kept saying to hold my tongue. All of me wanted justice for these two disrespectful boys. As the other worker rang me up I was processing so many things I could have, and wished I would, say. When he finished I backed up, looked at both workers and thanked them and made a point to say I appreciated them and their establishment and they did not deserve to be talked to like that. IT didn't resolve that need for justice in my heart but I wanted to make sure they knew I appreciated them.

When I got in the car the Lord started stirring my heart to pray for these boys. At first my prayers sounded a little bit like this: "Lord, these boys need someone to spank their butts and put some soap in their mouths. Let them get the justice they deserve for the way they are treating others!" But then, I was reminded, what makes me better than them? Only the grace of the Lord. And I started worshipping Him for that grace and His mercy on me. My song sounded a little bit like this: "You are worthy and I'm undeserving. You are righteous and I am not. You're the Holy One, Faithful One, Prince of Peace..." and then something struck me, it's not bad to want justice because He is the God of justice BUT He is also the Prince of Peace. He brings peace! He is Peace! In my mind it is hard to comprehend justice and peace coinciding in a situation like tonight's. But that is why God is God, and I am not! 

So, my prayers for those 2 boys changed a little. Instead of commanding justice, I asked for the Lord to shift their hearts. For them to get a revelation of His love for them. That they would come to see Him as Lord... and through that they would be completely, radically changed. But I also asked the Lord to transform my heart. That my first response would not be that of blood boiling justice, but of grace and peace. That He would help me to see and pray not through my flesh but through His Spirit. And immediately I felt a lift of the irritation and frustration I was feeling towards those boys. It's amazing how a situation can shift in a instance when we ask the Lord to fix our perspective. 

Lord, I know you can draw them to You and I know that they need You! So, I am standing in the gap calling out, saying reach them! Let their hearts be open to You! Let their minds and attitudes be transformed by You! We all need Your amazing grace and so I pray they would find it quickly! And I ask that you would bless my friends at 7 Eleven tonight too, Lord... they need You too! Amen

Dear Future Mr...

  My thoughts tonight are on you. I'm feeling the heaviness of what it is for you to live in a world so consumed by lust and sex. To be a man in a time where it's difficult to live up to your calling. When everyone and thing around you is telling you to just give in to the pressures of this world. The weight of no one understanding purity. My heart breaks for you. 

  The enemy would have you to believe that it's not even worth it to fight... no need to try to stand your ground, because eventually you will fail. But I declare that is a lie and the truth is you can do all things through Christ who gives you the strength. And that it is worth it to stand firm! I pray right now that as you seek the Lord you will find His heart and find that His yoke is easy. Call on His name and He will answer you!

  I'm also aware that there is a great possibility that your past will have some battle scars, or maybe even some fresh wounds. You may have given in to what so heavily tempts... But there is no condemnation in the Lord. His grace is sufficient for you! His love covers a multitude of sins. And nothing... absolutely NOTHING can separate you from His love. So don't feel shamed... don't feel condemned! But let the love of the Father and the freedom of the Lord wash over you right now! 

  I want to tell you that I'm sorry for this world being such a hard place for you to live as a man of God. I'm sorry that we, as women, have so longed for "love and affection" that those became our motive for living. That we dress for the attention; we come across either too needy or like we want nothing to do with you. I'm sorry that we have put so much pressure on you to be something for us that no man can be; to fill a void that only the Lord Himself could fill. 

  Forgive me for letting my emotions guide the way I interact with you, and for letting fear build those walls that keep me from trusting. I'm sorry that those are battles in my life that may affect you. As I pray for healing for you, I pray also for myself! I pray that the Lord would prepare me and remold me before I ever even meet you, so that I can be the woman you were meant to love and cherish, just as I pray He makes you into the man I will long to love and honor.

  I pray that in every area of your life you would find fruit. That your health would flourish. That your finances would be blessed as you honor the Lord with them. I pray that your relationships with your family would find you encouraged and strengthened. That all your friendships would bring honor to our Father. I pray that the Lord would bless you with immeasurable amounts of wisdom and discernment; and that all of your gifts would be used to build His kingdom. I pray that you hear His voice when He calls you and that it would be easy for you to know when He is speaking. May you clearly know His calling on your life and be ready to step out in faith whenever He calls. 

  But most of all, I pray that He would be number one to you... even after we meet. May He always have the throne in your life and may you always live to love, obey and serve Him. Anytime there is a decision to be made may you first turn your eyes and ears to His voice. When a trial takes place, would you look to Him for guidance. And when there is something to rejoice over, may you praise Him all the more. If that is your heart, then I will be willing to follow you wherever He may lead.

  So as I think about and pray over you tonight, I hope that you are near... but if not, I pray for the strength to endure and wait patiently... but also the boldness to not sit by idly hoping you are around the corner. My life doesn't start when you arrive, but now! Now is the time for me to walk in my Father's will. Now is my time to have faith and obey. And the same goes for you! I am longingly anticipating meeting you face to face, but until then I will pray for you often!

                                                       Love,

                                                           Your Future Mrs.

Redemptive Grace... and Josh Duggar

The world is often confused as to why we would stand by someone after committing such terrible acts... and I want to share a little bit of my heart on the matter. 

As I've been praying for this situation and family I've been reminded over and over that sin is sin and it is going to happen. Why? Because we are sinners. Simply put. We make wrong choices daily. We, often, have huge skeletons in our closets that no one knows about, because if they did we know we'd be stoned with words and attitudes that often hurt more than rocks themselves. Though past decisions and actions may not be who we are today, they do linger. 

 But the God of creation, Love himself, gave us a way out. That does not mean He is our crutch for doing sinful things and claiming "grace", but that when we fail (because we will... all of us) that there is grace for us to be forgiven and changed. For us to walk in redemption. 

What is redemption? Redemption is saving; it's freeing; its absolution from sin.  Josh Duggar may not be deserving of this thing called grace and redemption... But who among us is? Not me... Not you... Not any of us. This is the truth:

"This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." 

Romans 3:22-24

He is our grace. He is our redemption. He is also Josh's grace and his redemption. And I am reminded of the story of the adulterous woman in the Bible. The wisdom Jesus had in not condoning this woman's sins, but also giving her the grace she needed... it astounds me. The people demanding an answer from Jesus as they declare that this sin is punishable by stoning, and Jesus simply says: "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!" If we thought that way how much would actually change in this world? It's amazing grace.

In all that I've said, I hope you understand that I am not standing for the sins that Josh Duggar has committed in the past. I am not saying what he's done is ok... even in the slightest. My heart is that, is the giver of grace and redemption can wipe my slate clean every time I fail, and change my heart... He can definitely do it for anyone, including Josh Duggar. And so, I do not condone his sins, but I pray for and stand by the man whom my Jesus offered redemption to... and I give God all the glory for rescuing him from a life that was headed to destruction.

Father, you are the giver of life, and every time we fail you are faithful and just to forgive us. I am so thankful for that. Lord, I ask that as the news of Josh Duggars past spreads far and wide and is discussed and judged over and over again, that you will be that family's comfort. That you would remind them and him that, yes, what he did was wrong, but also remind him of that amazing grace. That you rescued him. You pulled him out of the miry clay and changed his life. I pray that there would be people that see through your eyes that can come in and speak life and truth into the midst of this chaos. Holy Spirit please be the releaser of truth right now. Let no lie be given flory, but let truth reign. I just pray for peace Heavenly Father. Your sweet peace. In Jesus' name, Amen!

See His Love

Yep, another song. What can I say, the Lord likes to use songs to stir me up. :) 

"Greater love no one could ever show

Mercy so undeserved, freedom I should not know

All my sin, all of my hidden shame

Died with Him on the cross, eternity won for us"

Such love... such sweet, sweet love! That He laid down His life for us. A basic truth to the foundation of our faith and yet, we forget. We forget that we only have salvation and freedom because of His love for us (John 10:10). That we only love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). That our healing stem from the wounds He bore out of love (Isaiah 53:5). No human on earth could possibly offer us such love.

As easy as that is to type in this moment, often I forget that these things took place. So caught up in the to-do lists, trying to earn a living, my health, my comfort and sooooo much more, that I forget! The very One that my heart longs for, I forget. The very reason I am even alive, I forget. But to prove how vast His love is, how immeasurably amazing He is, He graciously calls to me overtime I forget. He lovingly embraces me until I remember again. Until I stop seeing through these ridiculous human eyes and begin to see and feel and breathe through His Spirit in me. In those moments He reminds me that His love covered all of my sins. His love does not condemn me, but it calls to me saying "I am here... Always!" 

I want that to dwell in the forefront of my mind at all times. Not just every now and then; not just when it's convenient, but ALWAYS! Because as much as I DON'T deserve an ounce of His love, multiply that by infinity and that is how much He DOES deserve my love!

Holy, loving One. I can't even fathom this life without You and Your sacrifice for me. And all I want to do is honor You; all I want to do is exalt You. You are so worthy and so beyond deserving of everything and anything I can give! May Your sweet Spirit remind me of that more often. Would You help me to allow Him to speak and guide me more than just every once and a while. Let me always remember that all of my sin, all of my hidden shame died with You on the cross and eternity was won for me!

Never Lose The Wonder

May we never lose our wonder

May we never lose our wonder

Wide eyed and mystified

May we be just like a child

Staring at the beauty of our King

Today as I drove to work I had my music turned down low and I was thinking about my walk with the Lord. I reminisced about the ups and downs I've had with Him. The times I had set my eyes as flint on Him; and the times I allowed my focus to wander like a dog chasing it's tail. In the midst of the ups and downs I have felt like I had no clue who the Lord was, but even worse than that, there were times I felt like I know exactly who He was. And in that moment of thinking, this song came on (Wonder by Amanda Cook) and I realized what a catastrophe it is for us to think we have the Lord figured out... to lose every bit of wonder!

The Lord is a... complex? No... He's an unexplainable being! Yet, He allows us to know Him. There's no possible way for us to know Him completely, but the parts our human minds can comprehend are AMAZING! But when we think that we know all there is to know, we've taken the wonder out of Him. We've placed Him in a box of humanly explanations. We've brought Him down to our level. But He so far surpasses our level that nothing we could think if could compare to His majesty... His love... His faithfulness... and so much more!

I think about the stories in the Bible when Jesus did unexplainable things, like when He saved the prostitute from being stoned and bent down to write in the dirt. Why did He write in the dirt? Why did Holy Spirit feel that was a necessary part of the story that needed to be in the Bible? Or when Jesus healed the blind man by spitting in the dirt and putting mud over the man's eyes. He could have just looked in the mans direction and healed him... but there He chose the mud. How about this big one... Why did the Father choose to send His Son? Why is His love for us so deep that He gave us an escape route from sin and death?

So many questions (and believe me every time I read the Bible I add on to my list of things I will ask Him about in Heaven lol)!! But I love Him. I am in awe of Him. I want to worship Him. I don't fully understand, which He tells me in His word that I will only understand in part, but it's ok. We have to be ok with not having every answer. With understand that He is sovereign... He is God! 

So, tonight I want to encourage you (especially all you control freaks out there like me)... Take some time and let the wonder of who He is fill you. Be ok with not knowing and simply having faith. Be ok with Him revealing only what He wants, when He wants. 

He's so worthy of our wonder!

If you can, just play this song and listen with your eyes closed and let yourself sit in 

WONDER!

FIRE!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday morning began as a usual Sunday would for me... I forced myself out of bed (I am SO not a morning person!) and into the shower. I did my normal getting ready routine: brush teeth, try to find an outfit, do my hair, pluck my eyebrows, go back to the closet because I still haven't picked what I'm going to wear, get dressed, do makeup and then drive to church. It all felt pretty normal, like an ordinary day. But there was something different in the air... I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something was different!

I sat in the church sanctuary waiting for service to begin, thinking about how hungry I was lol, and then worship started. I love worship... I'm sure I have said that many times before, but worship holds a very special place in my heart. So I stood there in awe of the Lord and His sacrifice and His power and His love for me. But that still felt pretty normal, nothing extraordinary seemed to occur. 

One of our pastors then got up to welcome everyone and have us greet each other. I love this time in our service, the excitement of us all seeing each other and getting/giving hugs, it puts a smile on my face. After announcements our Pastor got up to preach. He spoke about our friend, Holy Spirit! 

I love Holy Spirit! I love learning new things about Him. I love hanging out with Him. I love when I hear Him speaking to me! The day I met Him, I was forever changed. And it wasn't about any particular gift that He offered me, it was about the transformation He brought in my life! I can now be more effective in ministry and life because He's with me. I truly love Him, and I don't tell Him that enough!

With that being said, I get really excited when people around me start desiring Holy Spirit to come and fill them! It pumps me up to know that someone else is going to be able to be more effective in this earth for furthering the Kingdom of God! So when our Pastor asked us all to stand and ask for Holy Spirit to come be with us, live in us, use us... I was ecstatic! But then he called forth the children and teenagers, and I knew, in that moment I knew what was different about the day! The Lord was getting ready to fill and release a generation to their purpose!

I work with the youth group at our church, I am around teens more than I'm not lol. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes I think, "man, I need to get some friends my own age!" But my best friend and I were talking last week about how blessed we are that in this season of life we don't have to worry about caring for a family and so we are able to freely give our time and attention to these kids who WILL change this world! We get to help them grow and mature but we also get to enjoy them and their WIDE VARIETY of personalities. We get to help pull out gifts in them that they may not even see yet and speak life into them when they are struggling, knowing that these are the things the Lord will us to shake a nation. We are blessed to get to share life with students who long for the Lord! I'm truly honored that they allow me in!

But back to Sunday morning... as our Pastor called the kids forth I expected that it would take a little pushing to get them to go to the front, but when I lifted my head and opened my eyes I saw the front of the church FILLED with children ranging from babies to teenagers about to graduate. There was a desperation and it was felt across the sanctuary. As I sat there praying for Holy Spirit to have His way, my eyes began to swell with tears and I caught myself saying this over and over again: "Lord, if you will fill these kids overflowing this world can't help but be changed! If you will fill them to overflowing, their families won't be able to stay the same!" 

I know it may not have seemed like a big thing happened because there weren't people laid out on the floor or people taking laps around the church, but something shifted yesterday! I saw kids who I personally know have been struggling, I saw them lift their eyes to Jesus in a new way, with a new longing! I feel like a new perspective was giving yesterday and a new passion... a passion for His glory to be released through them in this earth! AHHHH!!! COME ON HOLY ONE!!!

Lord, I am in awe of Your wondrous hand! Though I may not see Your moving at every moment I know without a shadow of a doubt that You are worthy of praise! I thank You for allowing me to be a part of that moment yesterday morning where You changed lives and called these students to higher places! Thank You for allowing me to be a part of their lives! I ask that You would be their protection and their strength to stand upon You and Your word! May the same power that raised You from the dead Jesus, may it overflow out of them... ALL FOR YOUR GLORY! Amen

A Note to Parents Far and Wide (lol)

Let me start by saying this post is not meant to be one of judgement, but one of my observations and revelations. I feel like I needed a warning at the beginning of this topic because my thoughts today are on parenting, and since I'm not a parent as of now (PTL! lol) I could see how it could easily be taken as judgmental. But I do have a lot of experience with children and their parents since I nannied for a little under 10 yrs and have worked in several preschool environments, including the one I'm currently working in. I have seen it all! And so I have some thoughts and hopefully encouragement for you parents out there.

As I think back over the last decade (plus some) of being around so many different family structures something really sticks out to me, not one is the same as the other AND not one is perfectly done. There are parents that use techniques that I could never imagine using to raise a child. Then their are parents that I imagine I will be like, using techniques that are on the opposite spectrum from the previously stated ones. Then there are the parents that mix in bits and pieces of so many different techniques. The thing is, no technique is perfect. No parent is perfect. And no child is exactly like the previous or the latter. There are just so many things that play into how a child will turn out. But often I look at parents and how defeated they look and sound as they compare themselves to one another and my heart breaks. Comparison in any aspect just brings destruction. It is a deadly weapon of the enemy... but our God is bigger! And He created each of us in very unique ways with very specific personalities. I say all of that to make the point that, what works for one parent, may not work for the other. :)

I watch the families coming into the office as they drop-off or pick-up their child. There is often a wide variety of children walking in and out every day.  One day Melon (fake name given for the protection of our students) may walk in with the biggest smile, so happy to see everyone and get to play with her friends... the next day, she's throwing herself on the floor in a tantrum because mommy has to go to work. Then we have Choco (again, fake name) who is as silent as silent can be as they walk through the office, but get them on the play ground and they can't stop jabbering! It's not only personalities that affect how these kids act but how they are feeling, their environment, how much sleep they got, etc... the list could go on for days. It's because of this that trying to be the perfect parent is impossible!

But here is some encouragement for you parents, the only thing that will get you through this crazy thing called parenting is our Heavenly Father. Only His ways are perfect! When we try to do things in our own strength or mold children into what someone else's child might look like, we fail! Why? Because we aren't perfect and no child will ever be perfect (except sweet baby Jesus of course). And I just feel like the Lord wants me to tell you that His ways are higher then our ways (Isaiah 55:9), so trust Him!

You could waste your life trying to read every parenting book known to man (I am NOT against parenting books) and trying every technique that's ever been used to raise your child, but the reality is that placing yourself firmly in the Word and teaching your child to be firmly placed in the Word, will be the strongest and most secure technique out there. There will be ups, there will be downs, and there will be a whole lot of in betweens, but being faithful to raise your children to honor the Lord is what will give you sanity at the end of the day! They won't be perfect, they will still make A LOT of mistakes (trust me, I've done it and I work with teens who do it more often than not) because there is freewill but the Lord is faithful to His word where it says "Train a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6.

Last thoughts... don't let the weight of this world try to cause you to believe you are a bad parent because your child does look like, talk like, play like, sit like, run like, or sleep like the way the child next to you does. In fact, be encouraged that the differences in your child will be used to glorify the Lord in ways only they can, because they are unique! Their personalities are unique and their strengths/weaknesses are unique and so their callings will be unique! But ask the Lord daily for the wisdom (Proverbs 2:6 & James 1:5) and strength (Isaiah 41:10; 1 Chronicles 16:11; Philippians 4:13) to trust Him in raising your child/children and know that He will make your path straight (Proverbs 3:5&6).

Lord, tonight I bless every parent I know. Every parent that is struggling to raise a child in this crazy world. I pray that You would be their strength and wisdom in training them in the way they should go, but also that You would be their peace and hope! That even in the hardest times, in the most tiring of times that You would be there speaking to them and loving on them. I ask for a stirring in their hearts to be consistent in raising their children to love You and honor You... that through their obedience to raise them as Your children, they too would receive the honor they deserve as parents. Remind them in the imperfect times that You are still there and You still love them! Thank You for their hearts to love You and love their children! Amen!

For those of you who are not parents, these basic truths from His word can be applied to every area of your life too, don't dismiss it! lol

The Magic Kingdom

This weekend I did something I haven't done for a very long time... I went to Disney Land!! It's funny how a place full of crowds, expensive food and heat can fill so many people with so much joy! Walt was a wise man and gifted at knowing how to bring smiles to the masses!

As I sat by myself in front of the train station on our last night there I watched people walking down Main St with smiles from ear to ear. I wondered about their stories... how long had it been since they had been there last? Were there childhood memories attached to this wonderful place? Were they starting traditions with their children? Was this a once in a lifetime thing for them? Everyone has a story and I think that is partly why I love being with people so much, you get to know their story and connect who they are now with where and what they have come from. But back to Main St... I saw parents holding children all while hauling strollers and bags of goodies and souvenirs, and they were still smiling. I saw couples holding hands and gleaming with the joy of a new marriage; and then couples celebrating years and years of marriage. There were teenagers jumping around like they were 5 all over again, for once not afraid of what anyone was thinking of them. It stirred my heart!

I started asking the Lord what made this place so special that people could set aside the struggles and heaviness of their lives and have joy in the "Happiest Place on Earth"? And then my heart was filled with sorrow because though this moment brought smiles, it wasn't going to change anything. As soon as they got home it was going to be real life all over again. And for most of them, they don't know the hope and joy that is Jesus! Just as I was thinking on that the Lord reminded me that this was the reason for us as the Bride to not stay shut up inside a church. This is the reason He told us to GO! Kind of a heavy moment for the benches of Disney Land! 

There is a world out there that is hurting, the same kind of hurting we experienced before we knew the Lord. It's not about us being right and them being wrong, it's about us holding a gift that the Lord desires everyone to have. It was never a gift He meant for us to hold to ourselves but to share with everyone we can; whatever that may look like for you! I know for me, sitting down listening to people's stories and then being able to share mine tends to be the best way I know how to share this wondrous gift of love from the Father. It's about Kingdom living!

And as Easter quickly approaches, I am so thankful for the reminder that there are so many out there that deserve to know the greatest gift ever given. The challenge to not live so inward but to live a life of RELEASING! How great of a transformation will the church experience if it begins to be about those outside the doors rather than us and our needs all the time? I think we might begin to see the smiles that people experience through Disney becoming a more permanent thing because of the Saving Grace! 

So, Lord, my prayer for tonight is that you teach us how to reach people where they are! Teach us how to be love in a world of hurt and strife. Open doors of opportunity to reach outward and love. Teach us as your bride the best way to release the joy that is true in this earth! May your church be filled with more smiles and freedom than Disney Land could ever offer! In Your precious name, Amen!

"In Over My Head"

When a song just hits that spot in your heart and speaks so clearly to where you are in that moment... yeah, that's me right now. I've already shared that music is a deep love of mine and often times the Lord speaks to me through it; but today, today is different. I've had this cd in my car for a week now, which means it's played all the way through a good 75 times. I have heard and sung along with this song too many times to count. But today as I got in the car this afternoon to head home I felt these words jump straight from the cd player into my heart, as if they were my very own. They speak directly to where I'm at right now and the desire of where I want to be... here's a small tid-bit:

"Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in

Let love come teach me who You are again

Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You

And all I wanted was just to be with You

Come and do whatever You want to..."

Yeah, that's some deep stuff. My prayer is often that the Lord would change my mindset to be in alignment with His... so that I don't try to force the majesty that is He in to these man-made, philosophical, theological boxes. I ask Him to teach me to be open to things not panning out the way I imagine because I only know in part, but He sees it all. I ask Him to teach me His attributes, and always He does it in love... because that's who He is! But the biggest cry of my heart is that He finds me in a place where my heart is solely focused on Him. 

As I sat listening and declaring these words I could feel His immense pleasure of embracing me with His presence. That's what He wants, that's all He ever wants, is to be with us, love us, sing over us, breathe life into us. No matter the season, no matter the hurt, the frustrations, or even the good that is happening in our lives, He wants to be there. He longs for us to invite Him in and share every intimate detail with Him. How sweet a lover is He, that He would care so deeply for us!

Then, the next part of the song happened:

"Further and further my heart moves away from the shore

Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore

Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours."

He quickly reminded me of the fear that comes with not having control. The further I head out into the water, the deeper I get, the less control I have of the things happening in my surrounding. Am I going to be ok with that? Am I going to trust that no matter what the specific wave looks like, or how big/scary it may feel, that He has me? And my response is yes! Today, I answer with YES! Some days that answer may look different, but I pray that He remind me in those moments that trusting Him is far more beneficial that ever being able to completely control every part of every sentence my life will make up. As I let Him write clearly thought out sentences and build a beautiful paragraph that will join with other paragraphs to create my story, I will know that it will be nothing but brilliant and glorifying to Him. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

In this place of longing Lord, I ask that all the muck and confusion that has recently stepped in the way of us being one and keeping me from fully submerging myself in Your waters would gently be lifted. That hurt, shame, guilt, unforgiveness and so much more would be swept into your hands as I trust Your hand in my life, no matter that circumstance. May I be faithful in knowing and believing that You see it all and You always want the best for me, so I can trust your leading and just swim in those deep waters. Thank you for all of Your love and faithfulness! Amen

So, for your enjoyment and hopefully a moment of listening to these words and letting Holy Spirit speak to your heart, I have attached this song, "In Over My Head" -Bethel Music:

The Month of Love

"What is love?

Baby, don't hurt me"

The lyrics to this song popped into my head right now and as I was singing it loud and proud I realized how confused we really are about love. We title so many things "love", when in reality they are far from. So what is love really? How do we do/live it? I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

After reading that, love does not sound like butterflies and rainbows... it sounds like a lot of work. 

It says to me, "It's not all about you, but it's about those around you." All of a sudden the picture of red hearts and roses fades and reality sets in; 

LOVE IS NOT AN EMOTION, IT'S A CHOICE!

 There are days I wake up and it seems easy to love everyone around me, then there are the days I wake up and honestly all I want to do is bang some people's heads together. It's in those moments though, that love finds it's truth. Will I choose to be kind and patient with that person? Will I put them before myself and not be easily angered? Hard questions! But in the end it comes down to a simple commandment:

"... Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself..." (Matthew 22:37-39)

I want to honor Him, so I MUST love! 

He doesn't leave us out to hang though; we have help in this area! For God is love (1 John 4:8), so who better to teach us and help us in this area? You see, I notice in myself the difference in my relationships with people and my ability to choose to love them when I am trying to do it on my own and when I try to do it with the Lord. Actually, it doesn't happen at all when I try to do it on my own. I mean, yeah, I can be nice... for a few minutes... but it is impossible for me to love. The importance of involving Love himself in the midst my relationships with those around me is beyond important. 

So, I go back to that choice... will I choose to love? Even when it's hard? Even when it doesn't feel good? Even when I want to run the other direction? Yes, tonight I choose yes! 

Lord, tonight I want to honor you in loving those around me. Father, forgive me for choosing myself and my comfort above You and them. Help me to walk in love... to make it a life style. Help me to realize daily that the choice is mine and give me the strength to choose love always. That my life would bear the fruit of your kingdom on earth! Amen

Reminders

For the last few years I have caught myself doing a lot of reminiscing.... thinking about good times and looking back at lessons learned. I tend to do it a lot with pictures. Every couple of weeks I'll go through a few of my albums to remind myself of those moments in time. But tonight it was my Bible. I used to make a lot of notes on things in my Bible, until I realized that I like to write and so it's better for me to just journal it. So, tonight I was trying to remember a scripture and I pulled out my faithful friend. I turned to the book and chapter and there I found SOOOO many markings. Things were underlined, highlighted, noted, starred, etc. If there was a way for me to make known that this was something important to me, I did it. The chapter is Isaiah 61...

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." (vs. 1-3)

It continues on to say...

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." (vs. 7)

This is one of my biggest life chapters! I am reminded tonight of why. I know that the voice behind these verses is the Lord; He is the one anointed to do all of these things, and many would argue that it's not our place to claim this for ourselves. But I would argue, to be Christ-like we must live as He. If the Spirit was on Jesus, I want the Spirit in me! If He was anointed to preach good news, I long for that same anointing! If He was sent to bind the broken heart, proclaim freedom, release those from the darkness, comfort, etc... I want to do that as well; I want to LIVE that as well! You see, Jesus is my example! If I'm not striving to see His kingdom come and will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, then what am I doing? What is my purpose?

I will not allow myself to be satisfied with a mundane, do the norm, blending in kind of life! I am called to change the normal; to shine brightly so people can see the Lord through me! That is life! That is my longing! It gets hard to remember that sometimes and so I am very thankful for nights like tonight where Holy Spirit reminds me so gently.

My prayer tonight Lord, is that You would remind each of us daily of the calling You have for us as Your children. That the same freedom we get to walk in and glory we get to experience is available for all those around us, and we need the longing inside of us stirred to share it! Let my life's cry not just be a cry but let it be the motivation that moves me into action! There's so much more and I pray we will not be satisfied with just normal, but we'd long for power and glory to be released through us! All for YOUR name's sake! Amen!

Getting Things Done

I tend to be a "get it done" kind of person. You know, the person that walks in the room and sees things that need fixing/organizing and does it. Yeah, that's me. I love figuring out solutions to problems, reworking things so they work better and simply just getting things done. I've been thinking about this a lot this week; it's been brought up in several ways and thus at the forefront of my mind. And tonight as I was thinking about it I had this sort of revelation moment...

The Lord has promised me several things in my life. They are things that I hold close to my heart and don't often share with a lot of people. These promises are things I long for, I get excited thinking about and I pray about often. I hold them close to my heart because I know they are from the Lord and they deserve to be protected. But I also want to see them come to pass. So as I have been thinking about these promises and my "getting things done" ways, I am reminded of Abraham. 

Abraham was given a promise by the Lord. A very special promise. A promise that I am sure as soon as it was released to him, Abraham's heart swelled with joy and anticipation. But you see, I am pretty certain Abraham was also a "get it done" kind of person. And to Abraham in the natural, since that's the way we tend to think most often, he could not see how this promise of a son with Sarah could ever be... so he did what a lot of us tend to do, he tried to help God out. I don't believe Abraham was purposefully trying to do his own thing, but that he was simply just trying to get things done... just trying to see a promise fulfilled. 

How easy is it for us to jump to that place of trying to make stuff happen? I often find myself subconsciously making plans as to how I can make these promises from the Lord come to pass, because I am that "get it done" woman, and I have to call myself back into alignment with the Lord's will and timing. And I get ridiculed for that too... waiting on the Lord's leading and guidance in every area of my life. I think we've just become a culture that is so used to figuring things out and finding ways to make things happen that we often forget that the Lord loves for us to allow Him to lead us. So, I have to push out the noise of people saying, "well, you could take this job" or "how about signing up on this dating site" or "why don't you join this ministry?" I know their hearts are to be helpful and loving (well most of them anyways lol), but my heart is to be in accordance with the Father at all times. No matter what that looks like... if I have to wait till I'm 60 to be married, or 75 to travel the world... I will do it because He is worthy of my trust and submission. 

I am not holier than thou, or even close... I'm just sharing my heart. I want to see these promises take place, and there are days that I want to take steps I've created in my flesh to get me there, but more importantly than even the promises happening, I want to be obedient! I would love to get to Heaven and the Lord say to me, "thank you for your obedience!" Who knows if He'll even say it, but I'd rather live with that goal in mind rather than achieving earthly success.

So here is a little suggestion: instead of offering "how about's" or "maybe you should's", offer to pray with/for me. And not just me, but everyone around you. Instead of trying to offer an answer, let's seek the Lord together and see what He has to say about it. My how the world could change, instead of trying to get things done we seek and wait in patience for His perfect guidance! I want that to be my kind of living...

Music

In a moment a song can quickly capture my attention and cause me to dwell on it for days. The words penetrating my heart and mind; the sound lingering in my ears and mouth. Am I the only one? I didn't think so. Why does music play such an influential role? I look at this generation that can't even do homework unless there is an earphone in their ear with music playing. We can't be in the car without music playing. And for those of us who pray, it is often times hard to do that without music. So I'm thinking about this tonight... there is something very deep and special about this thing called music and I believe it's not an accident that it is this way.

I wonder how the past has played a role in where we stand today. I think about God creating satan and giving him "timbrels and pipes" (Ezekiel 28:13) and allowing him to play and worship at the throne itself. And I think about how pride crept into that angels heart. Then for him to be cast out of Heaven... how angry he must have been (and is). In my mind those things all play a role in what is happening in music and through music now. There is an emotional connection to music and satan knows that and uses it. 

Let's talk about secular music first... holy cow, a lot of times I have no words when I listen to lyrics of today's pop, r&b, country, rap, etc.  There's several running themes: sex, self-indulgence, anger, hurt. Not every song, but many! I'm not hating on secular artists, because they are often times gifted and amazing; I'm just pointing out that there is something heavy happening in the lyrics and music of today's culture. And it's not something to ignore, but something to be aware of. Our kids hear these things and if we go back to what I said at the top of this post about music and lyrics sticking with us, there is something to be seen there. When the lyrics of a song are describing sexual encounters and it gets stuck in our minds, don't we realize that it will play a part in our actions? What ever we allow to enter inside our hearts and minds will eventually come out. 

And now the thing it would be very hard for me to live without... christian/worship music. I'm not going to lie, I've got music playing most of the day. Up until recently I was fine with playing just anything "Christian" but I started listening to the words and felt a conviction. You see, so many Christian songs are focused on about 90% negativity and then 10% praising the Lord. Even worship songs that we sing in services and are meant to focus us on the Lord, they are all about us. "We've failed" "We're hurting" "Help us", etc. Instead of the focus just being how amazing our God is and declaring His glory and honor, we get stuck on self. I'm guilty of it too; I've written several songs I called "worship" and they aren't. I've kind of gone off on a rabbit trail right now, but I'm bring it back lol...

You see, I believe music plays such a role in us because the Lord loves it and created it. And because the Lord created satan with a desire in that area, he (satan) has decided to use it against the Lord in any way. So we are in a battle that we often aren't aware of and aren't prepared for. We aren't guarding ourselves against this scheme of the enemy because we aren't recognizing that it's an issue. But I'm calling it out; it's an issue! It's a real life thing that affects everyone. It affects our emotions, our thoughts, our relationships, our actions. And I'm not saying don't listen to music (remember I said it'd be very hard for me to live without it) but I'm saying be aware... ask the Lord, "is this pleasing to you? Is it blessing your heart? Does it build me up? Is it affecting the way I speak/act/think?" It might seem a little overspiritualized to you, but I would much rather live my life asking the Lord what I should be doing rather than just doing whatever and hoping for the best outcome.

I love music, but I love You more Lord! Help me to see when music affects me and learn to remove it from my mind and heart. I pray that we as Your bride would recognize that this whole church thing is not about us, but about You and all those out there who don't know you. Help us to sing songs of Your worth and praise and declare how amazing You truly are. I don't want to be overly crazy, but I do want to honor You in all the areas of my life, and this is the one that is sticking out to me tonight. So, bless the Lord oh my soul, and ALL that is within me bless His Holy name!

Together

Do you ever find yourself watching a movie you know is probably going to upset you or make you emotional and yet you do it anyways? Yeah, tonight I did that... not once, but twice!

I haven't been feeling well lately so on the evenings I can just stay home and rest I usually will watch a couple movies so I'm not laying here twiddling my thumbs in my bed. Tonight my choices were "The Good Lie" to start and then "Hachi: A Dog's Tale" to finish. Anyone who knows me already knows that second choice was not the wisest for me... animal movies ALWAYS make me cry! But let me talk about the first movie to start...

The story was about community... or better yet, family! It takes place with a group of young kids in Sudan in the midst of the war. They are trying to escape the dangers of their surroundings and they are not willing to leave anyone behind. The whole movie is about the sacrifice of each of them to better the family. I couldn't help but think about the church and how it compares. As a culture we have come so far from this kind of mindset that it's scary. We live to establish, grow and prosper ourselves. But I think about how the world would be if we lived our lives willing to lay them down for our brother... "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13. How we could turn this world upside down if we walked in that love!

The movie stirred up that longing in me to be back in Africa again. They just seem to get it there. The people truly understand that when you work together you can accomplish so much more and reach higher goals. They grasp that we need each other! Even God himself said it was not good for man to be alone... I'm pretty sure THE Creator of the universe would know better than any of us! I think being the extrovert that I am I recognize that need in my life. Without people to cheer for you as you are running your race, or people to run the race with you it just seems like a waste. Sometimes we just need reminders of how important the people are in our lives! 

Then, I watched the dog movie... why Nikki!?!?! Why did you do that to yourself??? lol

The first half is super cute and then something dramatic happens (as it always does) and I spent the other half of the movie sobbing my eyeballs out. Again it is a movie about relationships and faithfulness. As I sat holding my precious pup (telling him over and over again that he is not allowed to ever leave me lol) I thought about all the relationships in my life that have come through and either stayed or gone. I thought about the seasons of closeness to certain people and the sad times of having to let go and move on. But I don't think I ever move on... I think I was created with something in me that just wants to hold on to people. I mean even in good situations I struggle, so imagine the rough times!

Anyways, I'm just ranting about how important people are to me... Probably because I am in a season of a lot of alone time and not liking it very much lol! But I'm trusting the Lord that as I lay myself down and my selfish wants and desires aside that He will help me to grow and I will better be able to love those around me... even when it's hard! Because, I want to see big things happen... and it just won't be as good if I'm doing it all by myself! 

Some food for thought... why is it that one of the hardest things to deal with in life is loneliness?