"In Over My Head"

When a song just hits that spot in your heart and speaks so clearly to where you are in that moment... yeah, that's me right now. I've already shared that music is a deep love of mine and often times the Lord speaks to me through it; but today, today is different. I've had this cd in my car for a week now, which means it's played all the way through a good 75 times. I have heard and sung along with this song too many times to count. But today as I got in the car this afternoon to head home I felt these words jump straight from the cd player into my heart, as if they were my very own. They speak directly to where I'm at right now and the desire of where I want to be... here's a small tid-bit:

"Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in

Let love come teach me who You are again

Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You

And all I wanted was just to be with You

Come and do whatever You want to..."

Yeah, that's some deep stuff. My prayer is often that the Lord would change my mindset to be in alignment with His... so that I don't try to force the majesty that is He in to these man-made, philosophical, theological boxes. I ask Him to teach me to be open to things not panning out the way I imagine because I only know in part, but He sees it all. I ask Him to teach me His attributes, and always He does it in love... because that's who He is! But the biggest cry of my heart is that He finds me in a place where my heart is solely focused on Him. 

As I sat listening and declaring these words I could feel His immense pleasure of embracing me with His presence. That's what He wants, that's all He ever wants, is to be with us, love us, sing over us, breathe life into us. No matter the season, no matter the hurt, the frustrations, or even the good that is happening in our lives, He wants to be there. He longs for us to invite Him in and share every intimate detail with Him. How sweet a lover is He, that He would care so deeply for us!

Then, the next part of the song happened:

"Further and further my heart moves away from the shore

Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours

Further and further my heart moves away from the shore

Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours."

He quickly reminded me of the fear that comes with not having control. The further I head out into the water, the deeper I get, the less control I have of the things happening in my surrounding. Am I going to be ok with that? Am I going to trust that no matter what the specific wave looks like, or how big/scary it may feel, that He has me? And my response is yes! Today, I answer with YES! Some days that answer may look different, but I pray that He remind me in those moments that trusting Him is far more beneficial that ever being able to completely control every part of every sentence my life will make up. As I let Him write clearly thought out sentences and build a beautiful paragraph that will join with other paragraphs to create my story, I will know that it will be nothing but brilliant and glorifying to Him. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

In this place of longing Lord, I ask that all the muck and confusion that has recently stepped in the way of us being one and keeping me from fully submerging myself in Your waters would gently be lifted. That hurt, shame, guilt, unforgiveness and so much more would be swept into your hands as I trust Your hand in my life, no matter that circumstance. May I be faithful in knowing and believing that You see it all and You always want the best for me, so I can trust your leading and just swim in those deep waters. Thank you for all of Your love and faithfulness! Amen

So, for your enjoyment and hopefully a moment of listening to these words and letting Holy Spirit speak to your heart, I have attached this song, "In Over My Head" -Bethel Music: