Grammy

I knew it wouldn't be long till you left us for good, but I don't think I realized the hole that would be felt when you did. Over the last few years as I've seen you grow weaker and weaker my heart has broken. I wanted to remember you as the strong, bold, entertaining, loving grandma that you were; the one who would take us to get McDonald's ice cream on days we stayed home "sick" from school; the grandma that sewed us dresses and cooked us the best most greasy food you have ever tasted; I wanted to remember the many Christmases we celebrated at your house with the big tree, lights all over and unending presents!! Grammy what I will miss most about you is when you would force me to sit in your lap and would sing "skinn a marinky dinky dink, skinn a marinky doo, I love you! I love you in the morning and in the afternoon, I love you in the evening and underneath the moon." I will never forget those memories that you created for me! I could never be more thankful for all the lessons I learned from watching you (even the ones I didn't want to learn at the time). My desire for cooking, music, entertaining and ministry all stemmed from who you are and who you raised this family to be. Now that I'm older I know there were struggles in your life that caused you to carry a heavy load and because of that I am thankful that you get to spend the rest of eternity burden and baggage free with Jesus and gramps. Tell gramps how much we miss him! And know there will forever be a hole where you once were in our lives. We love you gram!!

Wait...

The one word I despise (of course who in their right mind doesn't despise the word "wait"??)!! I am thinking about several different areas of my life where I am in a waiting positions... and have been for a while. I think about marriage... I long for it, I am excited for it, and the Lord says... WAIT! lol I am ok with that! I mean don't get me wrong, if the Lord said "NOW" I'd be all on top of that but because He says "wait" I know there is more to be done in me, my future husband and both of our relationships with the Lord! So I will wait...

The next area I think about when it comes to the word "wait" is a job! I have waited over a year to find a job that actually fits everything on my list of wants and after waiting that long here I am sitting and praying and waiting to hear back from the family! Again, I am fine with waiting knowing that the Lord has a reason and a purpose for this time, but it doesn't make it any easier! I was supposed to hear back from the family yesterday, but I will wait...

Then I think about making decisions... any decision! I love to be in control, I know hard to believe :), so when it comes to making a decision  I want it done quickly! However, the Lord is teaching me to "wait" on Him for guidance. The more I learn to be patient and follow His leading the better off I will be and the more fruit I will bear! So, Lord, I wait on you...

And lastly, I think about my friends! I think about the hustle and bustle of life; the chaos that surrounds us! I want to just urge all of us to be patient! Don't rush a plant to grow if the Lord hasn't finished preparing it's roots! Don't rush fruit to come forth in the plant is still in infancy! The Lord knows when, how and where the best timing for everything is for our lives... so trust Him and WAIT!

 I guess those 2 words go together... Trust and Wait! If we love the Lord than we must trust Him and His infinite wisdom! And if we trust Him then when He says WAIT we must know it's for our best... for as cliche as it has become, "'I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future...'" (Jeremiah 29:11)! If you struggle with trusting or waiting here are 2 things that will help: 1) ask Him to teach you how to do these things! He knows it's hard and He will teach you! and 2) Remember where He brought you from! The things He set you free from! The healing He gave you!! The salvation you have because of Him! He is that good! and when you start remembering those things you can't help but stir up that trust in Him and long to wait for the things He has for you!

SOOO... WAIT!!!

A'camping we will go...

Now that I've had a good 2 days to come back to reality (actually I am not so sure I have ever lived in a place called reality lol) I am going to give you a debriefing of the 1st of MANY Bay Fusion camping trips!!!

  Let's just say the trip did NOT start off the greatest... I was late and I HATE being late. Especially when it's not by my own cause but because someone else is making me late! So I was a little irritated on the way there but got over it once I started seeing the beauty of the trees and such all around. Well, then we pulled into the parking lot and unloaded to start our "walk" to the campsite. Well this 12 minute walk ended up turning into almost a hour walk for Sette and I. We were lugging so much heavy stuff that it took us forever pulling the stuff over the hill on the path. Then half way there we look over to my name being called by someone in a boat and low and behold my sister and her friend are being taken to our campsite via boat while WE carry all of THEIR crap! BOOO lol

  So once we got to the campsite and unloaded it felt so good to just sit in my camping chair and watch the sun set over the lake. We have the perfect place for our tent too... it was probably 5 feet from the lake shore with the door facing the water!! SOOO peaceful! The first night we had a campfire and some worship (which was awesome) and though we were only going to do a breakdown of the weekend it ended up being a time where we were able to pray for each other. It set some high standards for the rest of the weekend.

  On Friday we woke up and had some breakfast and then some devotional time. My friend and Jenna and I ended up sitting by each other right on the lake shore and spent a good 45 mins just reading and praying by ourselves and then I asked her if she wanted to pray together for a few minutes. You know how you can have people pray for something for you over and over again and you still feel the weight of it and then it takes one person being obedient to what the Lord is putting in their heart to pray to release you from it? Well that is what happened on Friday. Jenna prayed over me and it was definitely a heart shifting and weight releasing prayer! Then I prayed for her and it got us pretty pumped up for the day. After that we pretty much just hung out around the camp until the campfire service. Jon (the one who started BF) was giving his testimony for the first time this night and so there was almost this tense expectancy of what the Lord was going to release. He talked about his addictions and such and people were coming up for prayer to have addictions broken off of them! AMAZING!

  Saturday started off pretty much the same as Friday except I sat by myself and just cried during my devotion time. I really hate crying but sometimes it's just necessary. We played volley ball later that day and then they played a game of capture the flag. That night the Lord really showed up around the fire again. Jon spoke about serving and being comfortable with being uncomfortable. THEN we had a DP around the fire... pretty amazing!

  Sunday was our last day together and everyone was pretty much moping around camp because none of us wanted to pack up and leave each other. We had a short little worship time and then took communion together as a family. That was a big unifying moment.

  Shig, the Lord told you right... this weekend was the fusion part of this ministry!!! Can't wait to see what else the Lord has in store!!! :)

As the world turns...

I was thinking today about when I was younger and I would be "sick" (haha) and stay home from school at my aunt's daycare. I remember when all the kids were taking their nap she would turn on the soap operas and how consumed I got in them even as a kid. I LOVED the stories of men coming to the rescue of the woman and people being "dead" but really they weren't and they would show up the week after with a terrific story about what happened. And then I thought about this new book I'm reading called "Captivating" and, though I'm on in the first chapter, how much it helped me realize how many things in our everyday lives we push off because we see them as fantasy. Now, I know people who have passed are not just going to show up on our doorstep with an awesome story, however it is VERY possible for them to be raised from the dead but that is for another time I suppose lol. Tonight I am talking about that longing in us as woman to be pursued. I love how the author of this books asks the question "why are we ashamed of that longing?" Why do we as women hide the fact that we want to feel pursued and protected be a man? I know if I were to say that to a majority of my friends they would say "you're independent you can take care of yourself!" But you see, that's just it, when I am being independent and "she-woman" that can do all things I am not being who I was created to be. When the Lord put that desire in us as women He knew what He was doing and why! So, though it may be a long process, the Lord is teaching me that it is wonderful to be submitted to a man and stand under his covering. And though the wedding is a special day the marriage is what's going to have to last!

It's amazing how when you make yourself vulnerable to the Lord and share what is really in your heart He begins to take your places and reveal things that you didn't ever think about! I love the Lord and I am so glad I'm on his team... relationships are hard enough with Him, I can't imagine the hopelessness people feel when the don't have the leading of the Holy Spirit!

ok that's my rant for the night! haha

love y'all!!!

5 months ago...

  Man it's crazy how life can change it such a short amount of time. I remember 5 months ago (having started about 3 years ago) I had just finished praying for the Lord to open doors for me. Now I am involved in my church as well as a young adults ministry and loving the busyness of it!!! I went from being at home pretty much all day everyday to being back in the environment where I feel most comfortable, with people and in ministry. I have met SOOO many people in the last 5 months it's crazy. I believe the Lord has really set up some awesome friendships that will be life long friendships and that puts a smile on my face! I look back and think of all the prayers prayed in my room for the Lord to show me the direction to take and how clear it is now!!!
Every time I meet someone new I can't help but wonder what role they will have in my life and mine in theirs. I think about what the Lord will do in each of us and how much glory it will bring to the kingdom!! We wouldn't have ministry if there weren't people to minister to and so I am grateful for all the new ministry opportunities that come around!! I love how the Lord divinely sets up relationships and conversations to bring about fruit for the Kingdom!
  So listen, if you are looking to go on a trip or want to just come visit me you should do it around the 2nd Tuesday of any month. That is when Bay Fusion meets for our monthly service and I would LOVE to have ALL (5 of you hahaha) there to see what the Lord is doing, not only in my life but, in the lives of those all over the Bay Area.

Be praying for me... the Lord is changing me and with change comes a lot of uncharted territory and I am having to learn my way around. He's teaching me how to love unconditionally as well as serve unconditionally. He's teaching me how to have brothers and sisters and making them feel valued and not discouraged. I love this time in my life and so I want t honor the Lord in every lesson as well as relationship!! :)

night folks

One Reason...

Listening to J. Upton right now after just reading through Hebrews. The Lord is opening my eyes up to what faith really is and what we've made it in to. I know for me the first thoughts that pop into my mind when I think about the word "faith" is 1) There is a God and 2) Ask and you shall receive. But today the Lord is transitioning my thinking! Yes, in the beginning we have to have faith that God is there but as we grow in a relationship with Him we should no longer have to have faith but we should KNOW He is there. As I started thinking about that statement I began to question where else faith comes in to play. I thought about how we believe in the Lord and yet we don't trust Him. Trust is a huge part to faith. We can believe in the Lord and yet not trust that He knows what He's doing and that He has plans and purposes for our lives. We can quote that scripture all we want and pretend to believe it but if we are not applying it, truly believing it then the faith is not existent. We tell the Lord, "we trust you, we wait on you, you know what's best" and then we turn around and complain, "ugh I don't want to be here anymore" or we begin to start making plans of our own. Since when did faith in the Lord mean we take things into our own hands? We trust Him enough to save us but not enough to lead us in life. I don't know about you but I would rather sit in the same spot for 10 years if it were the Lord's will than to have traveled the whole world over and to have lost faith that the Lord would lead my feet. So, in ending (haha) my thoughts are, "if we have faith the Lord is real than we should stir our faith in His word and promises and not neglect that part of faith!"

The End! haha

Mixed Emotions

Al reminded me I hadn't written in a while! Ooops! lol

This weekend is going to be one filled with mixed emotions. First, I will be a leader at a Jr. High lock in... somebody pray for us haha!!! It is going to be chaotic, crazy, humorous, tiring, exciting, loud, fun, etc... I looking forward to the craziness, been away from it too long!!! After I leave the lock in on Saturday morning I will be rushing home to sleep for a few hours before I head to a funeral of a beloved friend and woman who was like every body'sgrandma. It will be a great celebration of her life and yet very sorrowful that she is no longer here with us!

Then on Sunday I will be at church ALL day. I have offered to help teach and work with the youth group on dramas and human videos for Fine Arts Festival this year. I am pretty excited about it because it is an outlet I haven't been able to use for a while and has been kind of numbed. It's exciting feeling the joy that comes from creating and doing arts.

It has been a crazy month and I promise I will try my stinking hardest to blog sooner than later this time haha... I know, I know I make it sound like a million people are living on the edge of their seats waiting for my blogs haha