Smell

I close my eyes and take a deep breath in... that smell! I allow it to settle. My mind immediately associates the pictures from past adventures and all I want is to be back in that chapter of my story with the characters who have helped shape the story line. It doesn't just trigger a memory, it triggers a smile, a tear, a laugh... it triggers my heart.

I'm certain you've experienced the same, right? You can probably even faintly smell the smell you're thinking of, or picture the memories that go along with it. It's funny how a thing so small, such as our nose, can completely remove us from the present and take us back to memories past. But I'm thankful that the Lord created us to work this way.

I have been fortunate in my life to be able to travel to many places and countries. And in doing so I have attached many memories to smells around the world. The smell of charcoal bbq on a warm night immediately brings me back to the streets of El Salvador. I can picture the kids chasing dogs and kicking balls around in their bare feet. I can feel the warmth of the air on my face. And I feel every emotion connected to what I felt in that country. Then there is the smell of dirt that takes me right back to South Africa. I feel like I am right back in tent revival services seeing women worship with abandoned all while 2 little ones are held close to their bodies with beautiful wraps. I can feel the presence of the Lord so strongly when this memory is stirred up!

There are also memories from my college days... one that often makes me laugh because of how silly I was, the smell of sweet pea lotion. I immediately feel myself back at the dorm bathroom after washing my hair and taking dabs of that sweet pea lotion in my hands and scrunching my hair. My curls were beautiful but I didn't think I'd ever be able to get rid of that scent! lol

Or the smell of old carpet! Whew, this one! Many a nights spent on my face before the Lord in a room of 20 or so people crying out for His Kingdom to come and His will to be done! There is just nothing like old, dusty carpet!

Every spring when the calla lilies bloom and I smell their sweet aroma I am immediately transported back to Easter as a child! We would go to church that morning and then head over to my grandparent's. My grammy would create this feast of amazing food and all the older cousins would go hide the eggs for us littles to go find. We would spend the entire day laughing and spending time with one another... It was the way the world was supposed to be!

But one of my favorite smells was that of fresh cut grass! One of my favorite people in the world always smelt of grass! Even in his Sunday best he just could not escape this smell. My grandpa was a man that loved to use his hands and when his days as a blacksmith were over and it was time for retirement he decided to take up yard work as a side job. When I smell that grassy smell I remember the many days he would pick me up from school and the ridiculous conversations we would have about the most non-sensical things. Or I laugh with the thought of him asking me to trim his eyebrows because they were so out of control (side note: this is probably why I have an obsession with keeping my eyebrows nicely groomed! lol). Or the many, MANY grocery store runs we would go on just so he could get out of the house. Man, those are some simply sweet pieces of my heart!

It amazes me how deeply rooted smells are in our memories. But I am so grateful to have them. Because even when the chapter is finished, and some of the characters have gone I am still able to reminisce of the part they played in my story. It also reminds me to take every moment in. There is no need to rush through everything I do or disregard the small moments that take place in life, because who knows where the next memory will come from!

Dreaming... It's Ok!

Hi, I'm Nikki and I am a dreamer. I dream dreams of all sizes: big, small, now and future. In fact, I'm such a dreamer that many of my strengths from Strength Finders play in to dreaming... (side note: if you have never taken a Strength Finders test I would highly suggest you do it. Whether you are in ministry, school, business, etc it will help you to hone in on your strengths to be able to reach your goals more effective and efficiently. So after you read my post, google Strength Finders! Commercial over.)

Back to my being a dreamer. Because I love coming up with new ideas and casting new vision I can sometimes be so caught up in the dreams that when I look reality in the face it all seems so impossible. My current circumstances often pulling my feet back to the ground and informing me that these 'dreams' will never become reality. That I will never see the things my heart longs for. See, the enemy loves to come and steal, kill and destroy and by telling a dreamer that these desires are not possible He makes a good attempt at achieving his goals. But I am thankful that I serve the God of dreams. The God who showed Joseph unbelievable dreams that caused Joseph to cling to the promises. And so I get to laugh in the enemies face and remind him who I serve... Johovah Shammah: The Lord who is There! He is, He was and He always will be. He knows my dreams and I can rejoice in that... even if I don't see how they will ever come to be.

I know I'm not the only dreamer out in this crazy world, and that is why I wanted to write this blog. It doesn't matter if you've been dreaming for 5 minutes or for 80 years, don't lose hope. Remember all the crazy things Joseph had to go through before he saw his dreams fulfilled: mocking, abandonment, slavery, imprisonment... but he never gave up. He trusted the Lord. I want that to always be my example and I pray you can allow his story to rekindle any lost hope that may have faded over the years. 

You see, I often get discouraged that the majority of the people around me do not support or encourage my dreams. But instead of dwelling on what those people don't do, I remind myself of the ones in my life that do support me and do want to see these dreams come to pass. Those are the kind of people I want to keep in my life. Friends who know that my heart to travel and love on people is a huge part of who I am. It is a piece of me that the Lord created and that I want to see fulfilled... and they get it. They support me in prayer, they support me in conversations, they support me in hugs and sometimes even in finances. I am grateful for those dream encouragers!

I think I say all this tonight because I know how easy it is to get discouraged and want to give up. Feeling stuck in the now and it looks like you'll never move out of this place... that's exactly where I am right now, feeling stuck. But I want to remind you (and myself) that just because you FEEL stuck doesn't mean you ARE stuck. Trust the Lord, lean not on your own understanding, submit all your ways to Him and HE WILL make your path straight (Proverbs 3:5-6 paraphrased), that right there is a promise we can cling to! 

So Lord, let us dream even more. Let us lean in to You and submit all to You and see how You do Your wondrous works in our lives. I ask that you would bless us who are dreaming of the things You have for us; teach us to wait in You. Encourage those who are struggling to hold on to their dreams and remind them that You are the dream giver. I pray that the deceitful ways of the enemy would be broken off and that in place of his negativity You would plant hope and expectancy! Thank You for allowing us to dream! Thank You for allowing us to be excited for the things You have called us to. I ask for open doors and opportunities to swing wide in this season. And help us to be ready in season and out of season. All of this for Your glorious and wonderful name, Amen!

Why I Celebrate Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is tomorrow... first of all, how the heck are we already half way through February?!?! Geez la wheeze! But with that being said I have been spending some time thinking about this silly little holiday that is wrapped up in all things pink, red and chocolate covered.

It's a pretty funny thing the responses us single folk get around Valentine's Day... you know: the awkward avoidance's of the subject, sympathetic smiles, apologies after asking what our Valentine's plans are. And for some, I guess those precautions are needed, but for me I thoroughly enjoy celebrating February 14th. Why? Well let me break it down... 

In a day and age where love is often times stifled and looked at as a form of business thus fading fairly quickly, I find immense joy in having a whole day set apart to celebrate the true love shared around the world. To celebrate the man and wife who have fought for their marriage and stood the test of time for 60+ years; to rejoicing with the couple who have recently made the bold commitment to love each other in sickness and health; even celebrating the love a dating couple has for each by saving themselves till marriage... I will celebrate these things because they have value and when we don't recognize the worth of something so special it tends to fade away.

We see a world filled with hate and bitterness. Where divorce runs amok like an overflowing toilet. When couples can't seem to remember why they chose to say "I Do" in the first place and have lost every ounce of love they once held. We have seen over and over again the negativity that happens in a world where love is lost... so I choose to celebrate when love is found.

God, the I AM, Love Himself, blessed the earth when He gave Adam and Eve to each other. From their love came nations! Love creates; love changes things; love stretches us; love gives us depth. And I want to see those things not only in my life, but in the lives of those who I cherish. So I choose to acknowledge the value of love. In fact, I wish there were more of it around me to be able to celebrate.

I hope that the love I celebrate on this day will still be there many years to come. I pray that those who have not experienced love, that they will allow the Lord to be that for them! I have hope for this world and believe that Love can change it.

So this Valentine's Day if you are single I challenge you to not see the day as depressing and heavy, but take the chance to celebrate those who are fighting the good fight of keeping love alive in this world! It's hard work and it deserves to be celebrated! Yes, I do want to be able to celebrate it one day with a man of my own (lol) but today I choose to celebrate for those around me!

The Drop Box

It's been a while, huh? While I figured right now would be a great time to write since I have a hundred other things I should be doing to get ready for my first cruise early Thursday morning... yeah, yeah procrastination at its finest. But hey, it's giving me a reason to share what's stirring in my heart tonight.

A D O P T I O N

A word that often times is related to long processes, frustrations, large amounts of money, and a lot of times sorrow. People who are adopting often doing it because they cannot conceive children on their own. This can cause insecurities and bitterness. Then there are the adoptees who, most likely, at some point in their lives wonder why their birth parents gave them up leading to feeling abandoned and hurting. So much heaviness can be linked to this word adoption... but tonight, I connect this word with hope. 

I laid in my bed tonight looking to find something on Netflix to watch (this was the beginning of my procrastination finding an outlet). I came across the documentary titled "The Drop Box". I had heard of this movie several months ago in a Bible study from a fellow youth leader. As he talked about it I could hear the passion in his voice but truthfully, I was a little zoned out and didn't catch the point of the film. I knew it had something to do with a pastor rescuing babies but that was about it. I wasn't able to see the film and sort of just forgot it even existed. 

So tonight when I saw this title I got pretty excited to finally check it out. I mean I have always been about adoption, after traveling all over the world, and my own country, and seeing all the children of the world... red, brown, yellow, black and white... and experiencing how precious they were and knowing how much they were loved by the Lord (I don't care how cheesy "Jesus Loves The Little Children" is, it's super true), I had always held a special place in my heart to adopt some day. Maybe 1; maybe 2; maybe 10... I don't know, I just know it will happen. 

And so I turned the movie on...

I loved hearing the stories (or reading, since most of the documentary is in Korean lol) and I loved seeing the faces of those dear children. You could definitely see the heart of passion and love Pastor Lee has to serve the Lord by caring for the orphaned. But there was a specific point in the film where Pastor Lee says something that reminded me of a truth we all should walk in. He says: “The reason I decided to become their father was God has adopted me.”  Take a moment and let that sink in...

Because God has adopted me... chose me... loved me... comforted me... blessed me... anointed me... the list could go on and on. HE is our Father. And I know that I want to live this life through His heart as much as I possibly can. I know that adoption can be scary, but above and beyond that I also know how special and humbly it can be. To care for those who have no one to swoop them in to their arms and love them... that is the heart of the Father. And I am reminded tonight of my adoption into His arms... when the world pushed me out and I felt completely abandoned and alone, He was there embracing me and letting me know that the depth of His love for me goes beyond the deepest ocean and the furthest galaxy. 

I want to encourage you, if you have never thought of adoption as your thing, reconsider. Pray about it. We can never know the extent of life changing that can happen when we open ourselves up to be used to pour out the love of our Father... but we don't know to know, we just need to obey!

Lord, if it be Your will, open the hearts of those reading this to reach out in obedience to You and allow You to use them to change the lives of those around them. Let us be Your vessels for You to pour out love. Whether it is through adoption or through sharing a meal with a person without a home. Let us shine Your light in whatever way possible. Amen.

Victory in Him

"I wait quietly before God,

For my victory comes from Him.

2 

He alone is my rock and my salvation,

    my fortress where I will never be shaken."

~ Psalm 62:1-2

I feel like I just need a second to comprehend that first line in itself... Quiet is NOT my forte; let alone add the word that no one likes... "wait"! Geesh, that is quite a beginning statement. Nonetheless, these 2 verses (and whole chapter really) have been a comfort for me these last couple of weeks. There is something about going through a battling season in life that makes you have to decide what the important things are. What are the things I'm going to cling to? Where am I going to find my strength? I'm learning that it's easy to seek out the comfortable and try to hide away from the battles of this world, but I'm also learning there is no victory in that.

The sense of false safety/security that comes from hiding is a scary one... it tends to make us believe that we are better off hiding rather than pushing through. But these verses show me that there is already victory in my life, because I dwell (or wait quietly as this verse states) in the Victor. So why do I need to feel comfortable by hiding away? If I know the victory is there then I need to stand firmly on my Rock. For HE is my firm foundation and so whom/what shall I fear?

Isn't it easy to say these things? But putting it in to action is something all in itself! But we learn; we grow; we stretch ourselves in trust. And I know for me, I begin to release the sense of control I think I need to have and it becomes easier to wait quietly before Him. Knowing that as I wait, He's already in motion... HE IS ALREADY IN MOTION! The God of yesterday, today and forever; the Creator of the Heavens and the earth; the Healer and Deliverer; the Alpha and the Omega... He is already in motion.

As I look all around me and see the storm raging, my boat rocking and fear rising, all I have to do is look over at Jesus resting peacefully in the very same boat and realize He knows. He knew the struggle would happen, He knew how I would respond (which, truthfully, is not all that great most of the time lol) but most of all He knows the victory that will come from Him calming that storm in the end. So when it all feels too heavy, I can crawl up next to Him and allow His peace that surpasses my understanding to penetrate my very core. I can breathe in His truth and cast out all fear. I can rest in His joy and release heaviness. 

And I can rejoice in the victory the lies before me!

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness to know beyond my comprehension how everything will work out in the end. Thank you for loving me through my humanistic thinking and for covering me with Your grace and Your mercy all the days of my life! I love You!
Amen

Your Story

Over the last week I spent some much needed time next to a river. The constant sound of flowing waters and chirping of birds while leaves rustle in the wind allowed me to rest in the presence of the One who created it all. There is most definitely nothing like the peace that comes from being in His creation with Him. But I did not spend the whole week sitting alone, I would have gone crazy if that were the case lol; I spent many hours building relationship with teenagers who were searching for the heart of the Father. We spent many hours laughing, worshipping, praying and seeing Him move. But something stuck with me throughout the week... something that comes up often but never really hit my heart before. In many instances, when I would ask the kids what they wanted from the Lord they would say a form of this: "I don't want my past to follow me anymore!" I didn't hear this once or twice, but several times throughout the week.

Why are we afraid of our stories? Why do we fear the things of our past? Why do we dwell in guilt and shame? These are the questions I began to ponder conversation after conversation. I searched my own heart and realized I lived much of my life afraid of the same thing. There was a time I felt that if anyone knew my past they would only see me for that. I realized that by allowing those things to stay bottled up I had kept myself from experiencing much freedom. But there was a point in my life where I realized that my story needed to be shared...

I remember sitting across from this girl when I was 18 years old sharing, for the first time, in full my testimony. I could see tears building up in her eyes and I could feel Holy Spirit moving in the midst of the conversation. I shared the brokenness I had felt my whole life and how that had led to depression; how I had to wear this constant mask of good church girl but as soon as I got home would cry myself to sleep. There were so many negative thoughts I allowed to consume me. After sharing with her she opened up to me, she became very vulnerable, and shared her struggles as well. I had the opportunity to pray with her and from that moment I got to walk through life with her. She and I are still friends to this day and I still get excited overtime I see the freedom she is living in.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share not only the pains and tragedies of our lives, but the joy and salvation that the Lord has given us as well, we bring such glory to Him. For if it weren't for Him we'd all be stuck in the muck of this world and our flesh. For it is for freedom that we have been set free (Galatians 5:1)... not only our freedom but the freedom of others. The word tells us that we have overcome by the blood of the Lamb but also by the word of our testimonies (Revelation 12:11). When we release our story, we release freedom.

As I've been reading Acts I see Paul sharing his story at any and every moment possible. Paul, the man who was murdering Christians; the man who was denying Jesus... He would openly share that with the world. Why? Because his life didn't stop at the murder and the other horrible things he did, his story continued on to shine light on the fact that he was made free by Jesus, the very one he persecuted. 

Don't be afraid of your story. And don't allow your story to make you feel unworthy. Yes, you have sinned, so have I, because we are flesh. If you weren't meant to dwell in your mistakes then Jesus would never have come to offer freedom and life. The Bible tells us that He died for us while we were still sinners... WHILE WE WERE STILL, not after we had purified ourselves and lived holy lives for a certain amount of time. No! It was in the int hat He came to set us free. So I encourage you, just as I encourage those teenagers this past week, walk in that freedom... release your story in the world and see the difference that it brings. Don't fear the past, rejoice in the freedom! 

Fathers

Yesterday was Father's Day and all day I was trying to think of a wonderfully honoring post to thank all the men in my life who have loved me and stood by my side. There didn't seem to be any words that were fitting. But this morning, as I was watching dads bringing their kids to school, I started thinking about the roles men play and the choices they have to play them.

You see our ultimate, perfect Father shows us that being a father is a hard job. It takes patience, grace, discipline, peace, love, joy and most of all sacrifice. Our Heavenly Father sacrificed His own Son so that we may have life and freedom in life. He constantly has us turning our backs on Him and yet He is always standing there with arms wide opened. He allows us to make our own choices, never forcing us to love Him; and when we make those ridiculous mistakes, He is there to guide us in loving and gracious discipline. He is THE great comfort and joy giver; and He never fails to be our peace when we allow Him. Obviously there is so much to be said about our amazing Father, but this blog could never contain all those words in a lifetime of posts. 

In reflection of our Heavenly Father, men must learn to step up from just being know as a dad to truly being a Father: one willing to choose to love and guide everyday. It's easy to help produce a child, but it takes depth of heart to choose to father. To those of you out there choosing everyday to try your best, with the help of the greatest Father of all, to raise your children, bless you! Thank you for not giving up on the days that are seemingly overwhelming. Bless you for working diligently to provide not only financially but in love and support as well. You are honored among a dying breed. 

There are many men out there who take it a step further even; not only are they raising their children, but they are taking those of us (who have no earthly father) and pulling us under their wings. If I could shout from the mountain tops for everyone to hear I would tell the world how grateful I am for you. You are not expected to love us; you are not required to care and guide... but you do. You show the Father in more ways imaginable and I am beyond words grateful. Thank you or understanding those days that I am sleeping on your couch; thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for blessing me financially so many different times. For your words of wisdom and discernment! For caring about who will marry me, and threatening to beat any guy who breaks my heart :)! 

 To a girl who grew up very independent and knowing that I could do anything myself, these men helped mold me. They showed me that I deserved to be cherished and that I didn't need to put on the tough face. It was ok for me to be a lady. Often they would make me laugh and many times I would shed a tear with a heart of gratitude. It's amazing really, the choice to love the "orphan" can change ones perspective on the world. 

And to you men, who are still learning how to be mend still trying to decide if you want to step up to the plate... know this: When a man is manly enough to follow the Lord's example and be a reflection of His character in the earth, lives are changed; women are allowed to be women and children are allowed to be children. So I urge you, decide wisely and decide quickly. Allow the Lord to use you in the life of your children and the children around you. It will change this world!

Lord, I thank you for men who follow your lead. I ask that you would bless them and encourage them. Let them know that they are making a difference even if they can't see the outcome. Let those around them honor them and speak life into them. Holy Spirit would you help them to have the strength and boldness to continue to make the decision to care for your children? Let that be a burning in their hearts! Turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers. In Jesus' holy name, Amen!

Thank you for all you do FATHERS! <3