Your Story

Over the last week I spent some much needed time next to a river. The constant sound of flowing waters and chirping of birds while leaves rustle in the wind allowed me to rest in the presence of the One who created it all. There is most definitely nothing like the peace that comes from being in His creation with Him. But I did not spend the whole week sitting alone, I would have gone crazy if that were the case lol; I spent many hours building relationship with teenagers who were searching for the heart of the Father. We spent many hours laughing, worshipping, praying and seeing Him move. But something stuck with me throughout the week... something that comes up often but never really hit my heart before. In many instances, when I would ask the kids what they wanted from the Lord they would say a form of this: "I don't want my past to follow me anymore!" I didn't hear this once or twice, but several times throughout the week.

Why are we afraid of our stories? Why do we fear the things of our past? Why do we dwell in guilt and shame? These are the questions I began to ponder conversation after conversation. I searched my own heart and realized I lived much of my life afraid of the same thing. There was a time I felt that if anyone knew my past they would only see me for that. I realized that by allowing those things to stay bottled up I had kept myself from experiencing much freedom. But there was a point in my life where I realized that my story needed to be shared...

I remember sitting across from this girl when I was 18 years old sharing, for the first time, in full my testimony. I could see tears building up in her eyes and I could feel Holy Spirit moving in the midst of the conversation. I shared the brokenness I had felt my whole life and how that had led to depression; how I had to wear this constant mask of good church girl but as soon as I got home would cry myself to sleep. There were so many negative thoughts I allowed to consume me. After sharing with her she opened up to me, she became very vulnerable, and shared her struggles as well. I had the opportunity to pray with her and from that moment I got to walk through life with her. She and I are still friends to this day and I still get excited overtime I see the freedom she is living in.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share not only the pains and tragedies of our lives, but the joy and salvation that the Lord has given us as well, we bring such glory to Him. For if it weren't for Him we'd all be stuck in the muck of this world and our flesh. For it is for freedom that we have been set free (Galatians 5:1)... not only our freedom but the freedom of others. The word tells us that we have overcome by the blood of the Lamb but also by the word of our testimonies (Revelation 12:11). When we release our story, we release freedom.

As I've been reading Acts I see Paul sharing his story at any and every moment possible. Paul, the man who was murdering Christians; the man who was denying Jesus... He would openly share that with the world. Why? Because his life didn't stop at the murder and the other horrible things he did, his story continued on to shine light on the fact that he was made free by Jesus, the very one he persecuted. 

Don't be afraid of your story. And don't allow your story to make you feel unworthy. Yes, you have sinned, so have I, because we are flesh. If you weren't meant to dwell in your mistakes then Jesus would never have come to offer freedom and life. The Bible tells us that He died for us while we were still sinners... WHILE WE WERE STILL, not after we had purified ourselves and lived holy lives for a certain amount of time. No! It was in the int hat He came to set us free. So I encourage you, just as I encourage those teenagers this past week, walk in that freedom... release your story in the world and see the difference that it brings. Don't fear the past, rejoice in the freedom! 

Fathers

Yesterday was Father's Day and all day I was trying to think of a wonderfully honoring post to thank all the men in my life who have loved me and stood by my side. There didn't seem to be any words that were fitting. But this morning, as I was watching dads bringing their kids to school, I started thinking about the roles men play and the choices they have to play them.

You see our ultimate, perfect Father shows us that being a father is a hard job. It takes patience, grace, discipline, peace, love, joy and most of all sacrifice. Our Heavenly Father sacrificed His own Son so that we may have life and freedom in life. He constantly has us turning our backs on Him and yet He is always standing there with arms wide opened. He allows us to make our own choices, never forcing us to love Him; and when we make those ridiculous mistakes, He is there to guide us in loving and gracious discipline. He is THE great comfort and joy giver; and He never fails to be our peace when we allow Him. Obviously there is so much to be said about our amazing Father, but this blog could never contain all those words in a lifetime of posts. 

In reflection of our Heavenly Father, men must learn to step up from just being know as a dad to truly being a Father: one willing to choose to love and guide everyday. It's easy to help produce a child, but it takes depth of heart to choose to father. To those of you out there choosing everyday to try your best, with the help of the greatest Father of all, to raise your children, bless you! Thank you for not giving up on the days that are seemingly overwhelming. Bless you for working diligently to provide not only financially but in love and support as well. You are honored among a dying breed. 

There are many men out there who take it a step further even; not only are they raising their children, but they are taking those of us (who have no earthly father) and pulling us under their wings. If I could shout from the mountain tops for everyone to hear I would tell the world how grateful I am for you. You are not expected to love us; you are not required to care and guide... but you do. You show the Father in more ways imaginable and I am beyond words grateful. Thank you or understanding those days that I am sleeping on your couch; thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for blessing me financially so many different times. For your words of wisdom and discernment! For caring about who will marry me, and threatening to beat any guy who breaks my heart :)! 

 To a girl who grew up very independent and knowing that I could do anything myself, these men helped mold me. They showed me that I deserved to be cherished and that I didn't need to put on the tough face. It was ok for me to be a lady. Often they would make me laugh and many times I would shed a tear with a heart of gratitude. It's amazing really, the choice to love the "orphan" can change ones perspective on the world. 

And to you men, who are still learning how to be mend still trying to decide if you want to step up to the plate... know this: When a man is manly enough to follow the Lord's example and be a reflection of His character in the earth, lives are changed; women are allowed to be women and children are allowed to be children. So I urge you, decide wisely and decide quickly. Allow the Lord to use you in the life of your children and the children around you. It will change this world!

Lord, I thank you for men who follow your lead. I ask that you would bless them and encourage them. Let them know that they are making a difference even if they can't see the outcome. Let those around them honor them and speak life into them. Holy Spirit would you help them to have the strength and boldness to continue to make the decision to care for your children? Let that be a burning in their hearts! Turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers. In Jesus' holy name, Amen!

Thank you for all you do FATHERS! <3 

7 Eleven and Perspective

Tonight I decided to stop by 7 Eleven for a slurpee on my way home (it's too hot outside, don't judge me!:) ). As I was standing in line to pay 2 teen guys walked in and caught my attention. I wouldn't normal have noticed them, but they walked in talking pretty loudly, using every unnecessary word possible. To be honest, I was already annoyed just by that happening. They proceeded to walk into the candy and medicine aisle. I turned the other way and all of a sudden the worker at the cash register takes off from behind the counter yelling at them... to say the least, they had my attention again. As he walked over I saw one of the teens take a package of condoms, which had very obviously just been hidden, out of his pocket and shoved back on the shelf. The worker came over and was saying something and one of the boys said with an attitude, "well at least I put it back, geesh sorry" and walked away... but at least he said sorry. The other kid stood there mocking the man and making rude gestures and comments towards him, being the most disrespectful I think I've seen someone be in a long time.

My blood was boiling.

I wanted to say so much! I wanted to yell at them for being rude; lecture them for trying to steal; correct them for using such ridiculous language... but something in me kept saying to hold my tongue. All of me wanted justice for these two disrespectful boys. As the other worker rang me up I was processing so many things I could have, and wished I would, say. When he finished I backed up, looked at both workers and thanked them and made a point to say I appreciated them and their establishment and they did not deserve to be talked to like that. IT didn't resolve that need for justice in my heart but I wanted to make sure they knew I appreciated them.

When I got in the car the Lord started stirring my heart to pray for these boys. At first my prayers sounded a little bit like this: "Lord, these boys need someone to spank their butts and put some soap in their mouths. Let them get the justice they deserve for the way they are treating others!" But then, I was reminded, what makes me better than them? Only the grace of the Lord. And I started worshipping Him for that grace and His mercy on me. My song sounded a little bit like this: "You are worthy and I'm undeserving. You are righteous and I am not. You're the Holy One, Faithful One, Prince of Peace..." and then something struck me, it's not bad to want justice because He is the God of justice BUT He is also the Prince of Peace. He brings peace! He is Peace! In my mind it is hard to comprehend justice and peace coinciding in a situation like tonight's. But that is why God is God, and I am not! 

So, my prayers for those 2 boys changed a little. Instead of commanding justice, I asked for the Lord to shift their hearts. For them to get a revelation of His love for them. That they would come to see Him as Lord... and through that they would be completely, radically changed. But I also asked the Lord to transform my heart. That my first response would not be that of blood boiling justice, but of grace and peace. That He would help me to see and pray not through my flesh but through His Spirit. And immediately I felt a lift of the irritation and frustration I was feeling towards those boys. It's amazing how a situation can shift in a instance when we ask the Lord to fix our perspective. 

Lord, I know you can draw them to You and I know that they need You! So, I am standing in the gap calling out, saying reach them! Let their hearts be open to You! Let their minds and attitudes be transformed by You! We all need Your amazing grace and so I pray they would find it quickly! And I ask that you would bless my friends at 7 Eleven tonight too, Lord... they need You too! Amen

Dear Future Mr...

  My thoughts tonight are on you. I'm feeling the heaviness of what it is for you to live in a world so consumed by lust and sex. To be a man in a time where it's difficult to live up to your calling. When everyone and thing around you is telling you to just give in to the pressures of this world. The weight of no one understanding purity. My heart breaks for you. 

  The enemy would have you to believe that it's not even worth it to fight... no need to try to stand your ground, because eventually you will fail. But I declare that is a lie and the truth is you can do all things through Christ who gives you the strength. And that it is worth it to stand firm! I pray right now that as you seek the Lord you will find His heart and find that His yoke is easy. Call on His name and He will answer you!

  I'm also aware that there is a great possibility that your past will have some battle scars, or maybe even some fresh wounds. You may have given in to what so heavily tempts... But there is no condemnation in the Lord. His grace is sufficient for you! His love covers a multitude of sins. And nothing... absolutely NOTHING can separate you from His love. So don't feel shamed... don't feel condemned! But let the love of the Father and the freedom of the Lord wash over you right now! 

  I want to tell you that I'm sorry for this world being such a hard place for you to live as a man of God. I'm sorry that we, as women, have so longed for "love and affection" that those became our motive for living. That we dress for the attention; we come across either too needy or like we want nothing to do with you. I'm sorry that we have put so much pressure on you to be something for us that no man can be; to fill a void that only the Lord Himself could fill. 

  Forgive me for letting my emotions guide the way I interact with you, and for letting fear build those walls that keep me from trusting. I'm sorry that those are battles in my life that may affect you. As I pray for healing for you, I pray also for myself! I pray that the Lord would prepare me and remold me before I ever even meet you, so that I can be the woman you were meant to love and cherish, just as I pray He makes you into the man I will long to love and honor.

  I pray that in every area of your life you would find fruit. That your health would flourish. That your finances would be blessed as you honor the Lord with them. I pray that your relationships with your family would find you encouraged and strengthened. That all your friendships would bring honor to our Father. I pray that the Lord would bless you with immeasurable amounts of wisdom and discernment; and that all of your gifts would be used to build His kingdom. I pray that you hear His voice when He calls you and that it would be easy for you to know when He is speaking. May you clearly know His calling on your life and be ready to step out in faith whenever He calls. 

  But most of all, I pray that He would be number one to you... even after we meet. May He always have the throne in your life and may you always live to love, obey and serve Him. Anytime there is a decision to be made may you first turn your eyes and ears to His voice. When a trial takes place, would you look to Him for guidance. And when there is something to rejoice over, may you praise Him all the more. If that is your heart, then I will be willing to follow you wherever He may lead.

  So as I think about and pray over you tonight, I hope that you are near... but if not, I pray for the strength to endure and wait patiently... but also the boldness to not sit by idly hoping you are around the corner. My life doesn't start when you arrive, but now! Now is the time for me to walk in my Father's will. Now is my time to have faith and obey. And the same goes for you! I am longingly anticipating meeting you face to face, but until then I will pray for you often!

                                                       Love,

                                                           Your Future Mrs.

Redemptive Grace... and Josh Duggar

The world is often confused as to why we would stand by someone after committing such terrible acts... and I want to share a little bit of my heart on the matter. 

As I've been praying for this situation and family I've been reminded over and over that sin is sin and it is going to happen. Why? Because we are sinners. Simply put. We make wrong choices daily. We, often, have huge skeletons in our closets that no one knows about, because if they did we know we'd be stoned with words and attitudes that often hurt more than rocks themselves. Though past decisions and actions may not be who we are today, they do linger. 

 But the God of creation, Love himself, gave us a way out. That does not mean He is our crutch for doing sinful things and claiming "grace", but that when we fail (because we will... all of us) that there is grace for us to be forgiven and changed. For us to walk in redemption. 

What is redemption? Redemption is saving; it's freeing; its absolution from sin.  Josh Duggar may not be deserving of this thing called grace and redemption... But who among us is? Not me... Not you... Not any of us. This is the truth:

"This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." 

Romans 3:22-24

He is our grace. He is our redemption. He is also Josh's grace and his redemption. And I am reminded of the story of the adulterous woman in the Bible. The wisdom Jesus had in not condoning this woman's sins, but also giving her the grace she needed... it astounds me. The people demanding an answer from Jesus as they declare that this sin is punishable by stoning, and Jesus simply says: "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!" If we thought that way how much would actually change in this world? It's amazing grace.

In all that I've said, I hope you understand that I am not standing for the sins that Josh Duggar has committed in the past. I am not saying what he's done is ok... even in the slightest. My heart is that, is the giver of grace and redemption can wipe my slate clean every time I fail, and change my heart... He can definitely do it for anyone, including Josh Duggar. And so, I do not condone his sins, but I pray for and stand by the man whom my Jesus offered redemption to... and I give God all the glory for rescuing him from a life that was headed to destruction.

Father, you are the giver of life, and every time we fail you are faithful and just to forgive us. I am so thankful for that. Lord, I ask that as the news of Josh Duggars past spreads far and wide and is discussed and judged over and over again, that you will be that family's comfort. That you would remind them and him that, yes, what he did was wrong, but also remind him of that amazing grace. That you rescued him. You pulled him out of the miry clay and changed his life. I pray that there would be people that see through your eyes that can come in and speak life and truth into the midst of this chaos. Holy Spirit please be the releaser of truth right now. Let no lie be given flory, but let truth reign. I just pray for peace Heavenly Father. Your sweet peace. In Jesus' name, Amen!

See His Love

Yep, another song. What can I say, the Lord likes to use songs to stir me up. :) 

"Greater love no one could ever show

Mercy so undeserved, freedom I should not know

All my sin, all of my hidden shame

Died with Him on the cross, eternity won for us"

Such love... such sweet, sweet love! That He laid down His life for us. A basic truth to the foundation of our faith and yet, we forget. We forget that we only have salvation and freedom because of His love for us (John 10:10). That we only love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). That our healing stem from the wounds He bore out of love (Isaiah 53:5). No human on earth could possibly offer us such love.

As easy as that is to type in this moment, often I forget that these things took place. So caught up in the to-do lists, trying to earn a living, my health, my comfort and sooooo much more, that I forget! The very One that my heart longs for, I forget. The very reason I am even alive, I forget. But to prove how vast His love is, how immeasurably amazing He is, He graciously calls to me overtime I forget. He lovingly embraces me until I remember again. Until I stop seeing through these ridiculous human eyes and begin to see and feel and breathe through His Spirit in me. In those moments He reminds me that His love covered all of my sins. His love does not condemn me, but it calls to me saying "I am here... Always!" 

I want that to dwell in the forefront of my mind at all times. Not just every now and then; not just when it's convenient, but ALWAYS! Because as much as I DON'T deserve an ounce of His love, multiply that by infinity and that is how much He DOES deserve my love!

Holy, loving One. I can't even fathom this life without You and Your sacrifice for me. And all I want to do is honor You; all I want to do is exalt You. You are so worthy and so beyond deserving of everything and anything I can give! May Your sweet Spirit remind me of that more often. Would You help me to allow Him to speak and guide me more than just every once and a while. Let me always remember that all of my sin, all of my hidden shame died with You on the cross and eternity was won for me!

Never Lose The Wonder

May we never lose our wonder

May we never lose our wonder

Wide eyed and mystified

May we be just like a child

Staring at the beauty of our King

Today as I drove to work I had my music turned down low and I was thinking about my walk with the Lord. I reminisced about the ups and downs I've had with Him. The times I had set my eyes as flint on Him; and the times I allowed my focus to wander like a dog chasing it's tail. In the midst of the ups and downs I have felt like I had no clue who the Lord was, but even worse than that, there were times I felt like I know exactly who He was. And in that moment of thinking, this song came on (Wonder by Amanda Cook) and I realized what a catastrophe it is for us to think we have the Lord figured out... to lose every bit of wonder!

The Lord is a... complex? No... He's an unexplainable being! Yet, He allows us to know Him. There's no possible way for us to know Him completely, but the parts our human minds can comprehend are AMAZING! But when we think that we know all there is to know, we've taken the wonder out of Him. We've placed Him in a box of humanly explanations. We've brought Him down to our level. But He so far surpasses our level that nothing we could think if could compare to His majesty... His love... His faithfulness... and so much more!

I think about the stories in the Bible when Jesus did unexplainable things, like when He saved the prostitute from being stoned and bent down to write in the dirt. Why did He write in the dirt? Why did Holy Spirit feel that was a necessary part of the story that needed to be in the Bible? Or when Jesus healed the blind man by spitting in the dirt and putting mud over the man's eyes. He could have just looked in the mans direction and healed him... but there He chose the mud. How about this big one... Why did the Father choose to send His Son? Why is His love for us so deep that He gave us an escape route from sin and death?

So many questions (and believe me every time I read the Bible I add on to my list of things I will ask Him about in Heaven lol)!! But I love Him. I am in awe of Him. I want to worship Him. I don't fully understand, which He tells me in His word that I will only understand in part, but it's ok. We have to be ok with not having every answer. With understand that He is sovereign... He is God! 

So, tonight I want to encourage you (especially all you control freaks out there like me)... Take some time and let the wonder of who He is fill you. Be ok with not knowing and simply having faith. Be ok with Him revealing only what He wants, when He wants. 

He's so worthy of our wonder!

If you can, just play this song and listen with your eyes closed and let yourself sit in 

WONDER!