The Month of Love

"What is love?

Baby, don't hurt me"

The lyrics to this song popped into my head right now and as I was singing it loud and proud I realized how confused we really are about love. We title so many things "love", when in reality they are far from. So what is love really? How do we do/live it? I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

After reading that, love does not sound like butterflies and rainbows... it sounds like a lot of work. 

It says to me, "It's not all about you, but it's about those around you." All of a sudden the picture of red hearts and roses fades and reality sets in; 

LOVE IS NOT AN EMOTION, IT'S A CHOICE!

 There are days I wake up and it seems easy to love everyone around me, then there are the days I wake up and honestly all I want to do is bang some people's heads together. It's in those moments though, that love finds it's truth. Will I choose to be kind and patient with that person? Will I put them before myself and not be easily angered? Hard questions! But in the end it comes down to a simple commandment:

"... Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself..." (Matthew 22:37-39)

I want to honor Him, so I MUST love! 

He doesn't leave us out to hang though; we have help in this area! For God is love (1 John 4:8), so who better to teach us and help us in this area? You see, I notice in myself the difference in my relationships with people and my ability to choose to love them when I am trying to do it on my own and when I try to do it with the Lord. Actually, it doesn't happen at all when I try to do it on my own. I mean, yeah, I can be nice... for a few minutes... but it is impossible for me to love. The importance of involving Love himself in the midst my relationships with those around me is beyond important. 

So, I go back to that choice... will I choose to love? Even when it's hard? Even when it doesn't feel good? Even when I want to run the other direction? Yes, tonight I choose yes! 

Lord, tonight I want to honor you in loving those around me. Father, forgive me for choosing myself and my comfort above You and them. Help me to walk in love... to make it a life style. Help me to realize daily that the choice is mine and give me the strength to choose love always. That my life would bear the fruit of your kingdom on earth! Amen

Reminders

For the last few years I have caught myself doing a lot of reminiscing.... thinking about good times and looking back at lessons learned. I tend to do it a lot with pictures. Every couple of weeks I'll go through a few of my albums to remind myself of those moments in time. But tonight it was my Bible. I used to make a lot of notes on things in my Bible, until I realized that I like to write and so it's better for me to just journal it. So, tonight I was trying to remember a scripture and I pulled out my faithful friend. I turned to the book and chapter and there I found SOOOO many markings. Things were underlined, highlighted, noted, starred, etc. If there was a way for me to make known that this was something important to me, I did it. The chapter is Isaiah 61...

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." (vs. 1-3)

It continues on to say...

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." (vs. 7)

This is one of my biggest life chapters! I am reminded tonight of why. I know that the voice behind these verses is the Lord; He is the one anointed to do all of these things, and many would argue that it's not our place to claim this for ourselves. But I would argue, to be Christ-like we must live as He. If the Spirit was on Jesus, I want the Spirit in me! If He was anointed to preach good news, I long for that same anointing! If He was sent to bind the broken heart, proclaim freedom, release those from the darkness, comfort, etc... I want to do that as well; I want to LIVE that as well! You see, Jesus is my example! If I'm not striving to see His kingdom come and will be done on earth as it is in Heaven, then what am I doing? What is my purpose?

I will not allow myself to be satisfied with a mundane, do the norm, blending in kind of life! I am called to change the normal; to shine brightly so people can see the Lord through me! That is life! That is my longing! It gets hard to remember that sometimes and so I am very thankful for nights like tonight where Holy Spirit reminds me so gently.

My prayer tonight Lord, is that You would remind each of us daily of the calling You have for us as Your children. That the same freedom we get to walk in and glory we get to experience is available for all those around us, and we need the longing inside of us stirred to share it! Let my life's cry not just be a cry but let it be the motivation that moves me into action! There's so much more and I pray we will not be satisfied with just normal, but we'd long for power and glory to be released through us! All for YOUR name's sake! Amen!

Getting Things Done

I tend to be a "get it done" kind of person. You know, the person that walks in the room and sees things that need fixing/organizing and does it. Yeah, that's me. I love figuring out solutions to problems, reworking things so they work better and simply just getting things done. I've been thinking about this a lot this week; it's been brought up in several ways and thus at the forefront of my mind. And tonight as I was thinking about it I had this sort of revelation moment...

The Lord has promised me several things in my life. They are things that I hold close to my heart and don't often share with a lot of people. These promises are things I long for, I get excited thinking about and I pray about often. I hold them close to my heart because I know they are from the Lord and they deserve to be protected. But I also want to see them come to pass. So as I have been thinking about these promises and my "getting things done" ways, I am reminded of Abraham. 

Abraham was given a promise by the Lord. A very special promise. A promise that I am sure as soon as it was released to him, Abraham's heart swelled with joy and anticipation. But you see, I am pretty certain Abraham was also a "get it done" kind of person. And to Abraham in the natural, since that's the way we tend to think most often, he could not see how this promise of a son with Sarah could ever be... so he did what a lot of us tend to do, he tried to help God out. I don't believe Abraham was purposefully trying to do his own thing, but that he was simply just trying to get things done... just trying to see a promise fulfilled. 

How easy is it for us to jump to that place of trying to make stuff happen? I often find myself subconsciously making plans as to how I can make these promises from the Lord come to pass, because I am that "get it done" woman, and I have to call myself back into alignment with the Lord's will and timing. And I get ridiculed for that too... waiting on the Lord's leading and guidance in every area of my life. I think we've just become a culture that is so used to figuring things out and finding ways to make things happen that we often forget that the Lord loves for us to allow Him to lead us. So, I have to push out the noise of people saying, "well, you could take this job" or "how about signing up on this dating site" or "why don't you join this ministry?" I know their hearts are to be helpful and loving (well most of them anyways lol), but my heart is to be in accordance with the Father at all times. No matter what that looks like... if I have to wait till I'm 60 to be married, or 75 to travel the world... I will do it because He is worthy of my trust and submission. 

I am not holier than thou, or even close... I'm just sharing my heart. I want to see these promises take place, and there are days that I want to take steps I've created in my flesh to get me there, but more importantly than even the promises happening, I want to be obedient! I would love to get to Heaven and the Lord say to me, "thank you for your obedience!" Who knows if He'll even say it, but I'd rather live with that goal in mind rather than achieving earthly success.

So here is a little suggestion: instead of offering "how about's" or "maybe you should's", offer to pray with/for me. And not just me, but everyone around you. Instead of trying to offer an answer, let's seek the Lord together and see what He has to say about it. My how the world could change, instead of trying to get things done we seek and wait in patience for His perfect guidance! I want that to be my kind of living...

Music

In a moment a song can quickly capture my attention and cause me to dwell on it for days. The words penetrating my heart and mind; the sound lingering in my ears and mouth. Am I the only one? I didn't think so. Why does music play such an influential role? I look at this generation that can't even do homework unless there is an earphone in their ear with music playing. We can't be in the car without music playing. And for those of us who pray, it is often times hard to do that without music. So I'm thinking about this tonight... there is something very deep and special about this thing called music and I believe it's not an accident that it is this way.

I wonder how the past has played a role in where we stand today. I think about God creating satan and giving him "timbrels and pipes" (Ezekiel 28:13) and allowing him to play and worship at the throne itself. And I think about how pride crept into that angels heart. Then for him to be cast out of Heaven... how angry he must have been (and is). In my mind those things all play a role in what is happening in music and through music now. There is an emotional connection to music and satan knows that and uses it. 

Let's talk about secular music first... holy cow, a lot of times I have no words when I listen to lyrics of today's pop, r&b, country, rap, etc.  There's several running themes: sex, self-indulgence, anger, hurt. Not every song, but many! I'm not hating on secular artists, because they are often times gifted and amazing; I'm just pointing out that there is something heavy happening in the lyrics and music of today's culture. And it's not something to ignore, but something to be aware of. Our kids hear these things and if we go back to what I said at the top of this post about music and lyrics sticking with us, there is something to be seen there. When the lyrics of a song are describing sexual encounters and it gets stuck in our minds, don't we realize that it will play a part in our actions? What ever we allow to enter inside our hearts and minds will eventually come out. 

And now the thing it would be very hard for me to live without... christian/worship music. I'm not going to lie, I've got music playing most of the day. Up until recently I was fine with playing just anything "Christian" but I started listening to the words and felt a conviction. You see, so many Christian songs are focused on about 90% negativity and then 10% praising the Lord. Even worship songs that we sing in services and are meant to focus us on the Lord, they are all about us. "We've failed" "We're hurting" "Help us", etc. Instead of the focus just being how amazing our God is and declaring His glory and honor, we get stuck on self. I'm guilty of it too; I've written several songs I called "worship" and they aren't. I've kind of gone off on a rabbit trail right now, but I'm bring it back lol...

You see, I believe music plays such a role in us because the Lord loves it and created it. And because the Lord created satan with a desire in that area, he (satan) has decided to use it against the Lord in any way. So we are in a battle that we often aren't aware of and aren't prepared for. We aren't guarding ourselves against this scheme of the enemy because we aren't recognizing that it's an issue. But I'm calling it out; it's an issue! It's a real life thing that affects everyone. It affects our emotions, our thoughts, our relationships, our actions. And I'm not saying don't listen to music (remember I said it'd be very hard for me to live without it) but I'm saying be aware... ask the Lord, "is this pleasing to you? Is it blessing your heart? Does it build me up? Is it affecting the way I speak/act/think?" It might seem a little overspiritualized to you, but I would much rather live my life asking the Lord what I should be doing rather than just doing whatever and hoping for the best outcome.

I love music, but I love You more Lord! Help me to see when music affects me and learn to remove it from my mind and heart. I pray that we as Your bride would recognize that this whole church thing is not about us, but about You and all those out there who don't know you. Help us to sing songs of Your worth and praise and declare how amazing You truly are. I don't want to be overly crazy, but I do want to honor You in all the areas of my life, and this is the one that is sticking out to me tonight. So, bless the Lord oh my soul, and ALL that is within me bless His Holy name!

Together

Do you ever find yourself watching a movie you know is probably going to upset you or make you emotional and yet you do it anyways? Yeah, tonight I did that... not once, but twice!

I haven't been feeling well lately so on the evenings I can just stay home and rest I usually will watch a couple movies so I'm not laying here twiddling my thumbs in my bed. Tonight my choices were "The Good Lie" to start and then "Hachi: A Dog's Tale" to finish. Anyone who knows me already knows that second choice was not the wisest for me... animal movies ALWAYS make me cry! But let me talk about the first movie to start...

The story was about community... or better yet, family! It takes place with a group of young kids in Sudan in the midst of the war. They are trying to escape the dangers of their surroundings and they are not willing to leave anyone behind. The whole movie is about the sacrifice of each of them to better the family. I couldn't help but think about the church and how it compares. As a culture we have come so far from this kind of mindset that it's scary. We live to establish, grow and prosper ourselves. But I think about how the world would be if we lived our lives willing to lay them down for our brother... "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13. How we could turn this world upside down if we walked in that love!

The movie stirred up that longing in me to be back in Africa again. They just seem to get it there. The people truly understand that when you work together you can accomplish so much more and reach higher goals. They grasp that we need each other! Even God himself said it was not good for man to be alone... I'm pretty sure THE Creator of the universe would know better than any of us! I think being the extrovert that I am I recognize that need in my life. Without people to cheer for you as you are running your race, or people to run the race with you it just seems like a waste. Sometimes we just need reminders of how important the people are in our lives! 

Then, I watched the dog movie... why Nikki!?!?! Why did you do that to yourself??? lol

The first half is super cute and then something dramatic happens (as it always does) and I spent the other half of the movie sobbing my eyeballs out. Again it is a movie about relationships and faithfulness. As I sat holding my precious pup (telling him over and over again that he is not allowed to ever leave me lol) I thought about all the relationships in my life that have come through and either stayed or gone. I thought about the seasons of closeness to certain people and the sad times of having to let go and move on. But I don't think I ever move on... I think I was created with something in me that just wants to hold on to people. I mean even in good situations I struggle, so imagine the rough times!

Anyways, I'm just ranting about how important people are to me... Probably because I am in a season of a lot of alone time and not liking it very much lol! But I'm trusting the Lord that as I lay myself down and my selfish wants and desires aside that He will help me to grow and I will better be able to love those around me... even when it's hard! Because, I want to see big things happen... and it just won't be as good if I'm doing it all by myself! 

Some food for thought... why is it that one of the hardest things to deal with in life is loneliness?

28

Ouch... that number is hard to type! 28 years of life! 10 more than 18; 7 more than 21! So much has happened in all those years... things that have shaped me, smoothed me, frustrated me, excited me, made me cry, made me laugh, and so on. There have been relationships that have stuck closer than a brother/sister, and then there have been ones that have lasted only a season. There have been life changing moments and moments of dry silence. Moments for sweat shirts and moments for tank tops. My life has consisted of so much and yet not seemingly enough! But everyday I am reminded that as I surrender and let go of the reins of my life that it doesn't matter what occurs that day because it WILL bring glory to my King!

Now that was just the beginning... I am about to get real vulnerable right now and let you in on an area in my life I often keep close to me and very protected... my heart!

When I was 16 thinking about turning 18 my views on life were so narrow. I expected to meet a man in college and marry him the second we finished school. When I was 18 turning 19, those things hadn't even started to happen... then 20 and 21 and 22 and so on happened and here I am at 28, still yet to see that dream come to fulfillment. But don't take that as my hope being lost! For I am in a place in my life where Deuteronomy 31:8 strongly applies:

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

You see, my standards are HIGH! I can't emphasize that enough! THEY ARE HIGH! Because I am aware (maybe not fully but drastically) of the impact relationships and marriage have on your life. And I am not willing to settle for someone who is not ordained by the Lord to be in a relationship with me! The Lord has called me to do things I can't even fathom right now, and I don't say that in a bragging manner but with a humble heart because that is a big calling and it means the one who marries me will need to carry the same desire to be 100% in the hands of the Lord. So, I pray and I fast and I pray some more. I do not take lightly the term relationship. I know that no matter the form (friendship, family, romantic) they are hard work but so worth fighting for. And so they are worth my time in prayer and worth my time in tears! BUT my life's goal is NOT relationships; my life's goal is to be in one accord with the Lord. 

So, I am going to be ending this post by doing a little prophesying over my 28th year...

1) I will walk my path as a Proverbs 31 woman. Willingly giving up all of me for 

the sake of my beloved and his children.

2) There will be a harvest this year! A harvest of health! Health in every area of my life! No more disease will dwell in my body, relationships or emotions. (Psalm 85:12)

3) My strength will come solely from the Lord! (Nehemiah 8:10)

4) My actions and responses will shine fruit from Holy Spirit so people will be 

drawn closer to Him! (Galatians 5)

5) This year is a season of rejoicing and singing and dancing... 

not before man, but unto the Lord!

If you feel any other words over my 28th year of life please don't hesitate to comment and share them with me! These are the things that cause my heart to celebrate! 

Content

I sat in a sanctuary four nights ago caught up in the sweetness of the Lord. It was supposed to be a devotional but it turned into a time of just pure worship. As the lady who was leading would sing I could feel the natural shifting away and the Kingdom of Heaven invading. It was peaceful and yet so empowering... it's funny how the Kingdom of God works like that.

In the midst of this worship session she began to sing some lyrics that penetrated me. I listened over and over again as she sang this simple little chorus and realized that she was singing what my heart was crying out...

"Tune out all other distractions;

  Isolate this one conversation.

  Spirit of wisdom and revelation

  Open up my eyes!"

Wow... even as I typed that all I can think is "wow"! There is something about asking the Lord to remove the focus of our hearts from all the things in our lives that pull us from Him and in place asking Him to open up our eyes by the Spirit who brings wisdom and revelation. Wisdom and revelation... Father, give me the thought process of Heaven; of Your Holy Spirit and Son. To become more like the Lord means to walk in those things. To respond to people with wisdom and thus releasing Kingdom. I think it's even yet too deep for me to fully comprehend, let alone write about.

So, I sat there on Friday in a place of total abandon, just me and the Lord... and I was completely and utterly content in that. I never like using that word in reference to myself because I've never wanted to be ok with where I'm at... I know there is always more and so I have always wanted to push forward. But I'm learning in this season of life that being content doesn't mean I get lazy or dull in my relationship with the Lord or in my life... it simply means, "I know You have me here, right now because You see all things in full and I only see in part. You know the beginning and the end and so I trust that if I follow where You are leading or rest when You ask me to that I will never feel empty or lonely." In realizing this it makes all those other distractions worthless and brings an excitement to each and every moment or conversation I have with the Lord.

It's not up to me how the timeline of my life turns out or if it turns out the way I expect it to at all. Because I have surrendered my life into the hands of the Alpha and Omega I know that it's under control. And even in those seasons where things don't quite make sense, like right now, there is peace in knowing that He is working it all to the good. And I am more than ok with that!

Lord, my prayer is that You would constantly remind me that I thrive and grow the most when I allow You to tune out all the distractions around me and cause me to focus solely on the moment with You. And I am most beneficial in this earth when I allow Your Spirit to open up my eyes with wisdom and revelation. Thank You for Your faithfulness to teach and grow me... I am fulfilled in You!