The Tides Are Changing

My whole life has consisted of seasons of ebb and flow. Mountain tops and valleys. High tides and low. I have seen times of great growth through hard trials and times of peaceful rest. All of the seasons I've encountered have stretched me, strengthened me, and taught me more about myself and the Lord. But my life isn't finished, and as I'm beginning this 32nd year I am expectant for whatever seasons the Lord will bring!

And with that being said... I have some exciting news!

Last year, in January of 2018, I attended a conference. At this conference the Lord began stirring my heart and speaking to me about transition coming. I didn't have many details but I did have trust and hope that He is good and His plans for me are good! My best friend also heard from the Lord that same night about transition coming and that was confirming for me. With no timeline in sight all I could do was walk in faith and be ready to obey when the time came.

Throughout the months there were moments when I questioned whether this was the moment for transition but every time I asked the Lord I would feel no peace in my heart. I won't lie, there were times of discouragement, doubt, and lack of faith. But the Father is faithful to meet us in those moments and helps us realign our gaze on Him, and out of that alignment comes trust.

As the months passed and November quickly approached I began preparing for my trip to South Africa. I was very focused on everything that needed doing before I left that I found myself getting lost in the busyness and recognized the need to spend time preparing my heart as well. It was in one of these moments of prayer that I heard the still soft reminder of the Lord that transition was near and for me to be ready. Still with no clear direction of what that meant, I had to trust... and so trusting I continued to do.

I left for South Africa and within the first few days the Lord began reminding me of areas of ministry that I love and stirring areas of my heart that had been closed up for a while. After a week of traveling, in a moment on a patio, the Lord said it was time for movement. It felt like a very dynamic moment that I needed to treasure and process through with the Lord, and so I did not share what was happening with anyone around me. 

When I got home I began to fast and pray (after struggling with some nasty sinus infection and terrible jet lag that seemed never ending). In the midst of that time of praying I had a dream that a woman I admire was telling me it was time to move and to get ready. When I woke up I got in the word, and everything I read was speaking peace to my heart. So I asked those closest to me to pray and believe with me. And I knew that this was the moment of transition the Lord had been preparing me for... 

I am going to be leaving California... and moving back to Tennessee!

Everything from that moment on has been a whirlwind. But I am so excited about what God is doing. I am excited for every opportunity He is bringing and every open door He will fling wide. I am thankful for every bit of confirmation He's given me even when He had confirmed it so many times prior. He used friends and family to speak to me, confirm what He had spoken to me, pray for me, and simply listen to me process through what the Lord was saying. And because of all that has happened in this process I am excited I can make this announcement with the confidence that this is the Lord's doing and workmanship.

There are still many questions to be answered, things to organize, and trust to be had... but one day at a time, one step of faith at a time, and with every ounce of obedience I can give, I will see this transition happen with praise in my heart. 

My mom and I will be traveling to the Nashville area in April to find a place for me to live and begin the biggest preparations. Once I have an official place to live I will know when my move date will be. Until then, please pray with me. This isn't going to be a "small, might come back home in a few months" kind of move... this is a "pack up everything, start a new life" kind of move. And that can be overwhelming, tiring, expensive, and emotional. So your prayers will be appreciated and cherished.

I would also like to take these last few months that I'll be living in California to spend time with those of you who have played such an important roll in my life over that last 11 years of living back home. You experienced some of my biggest growing seasons with me and you all hold special places in my heart. Reminisce with me, but also let's celebrate the faithfulness and goodness of the Lord.

Here's to 2019, my 32nd year of life, and all that is to come. The tides are changing, and I am jumping in full force!

Small Adjustments!

It has been several months since I found myself sitting in a church hearing a Pastor speak a word that was directly for me. "Small Adjustments" I would hear him say over and over again. And each time he would speak it I could feel the words settling deeper in my spirit. It was a word meant for right then... and yet all these months later, it's still permeating my heart.

Most who know me will tell you I tend to be an all or nothing, overly passionate, black and white, make a decision kind of woman. Because of that, when I do anything, I seek results. I want to see fruit come out of whatever I have decided to think, feel, say, or do. This is not a negative part of me, in fact most of the time it's important. But as I'm learning more about myself and the Lord, I'm learning that every season, situation, and lesson requires a little something different... sometimes it requires small, simple strides forward instead of large leaps and bounds.

With the new year having just begun, I am being reminded of the importance of this thought. As I watch friends and family setting their resolutions, and goals and as I process through my own goals, I can hear the Spirit reminding me: "small adjustments, one step at a time." I love how the Lord uses things in our lives that we didn't even realize were lessons to teach us things that will bring great change.

I have consistently been going to a chiropractor for over a year now. Throughout that time I have learned a lot about the chiropractic process. One big take away has been: when my ankle is out of alignment it will effect my knee, which in turn will have an effect of my hip, and that will then cause my whole back/spine to be out of sorts. One small thing, one minor misalignment can cause your whole body to feel and act wonky. But, with consistency in recognizing the misaligned parts and dedication to bringing them back in to alignment, you can avoid the mess of your whole body becoming misaligned.

And the same goes for your spirit, heart, & mind.

When we are experiencing issues in our lives, it can always be traced back to a misalignment. Sometimes it can be the result of poor choices, sometimes it can be passed down generationally, and sometimes it can even be things we won't let go of. (In fact as I'm writing this, I feel like someone reading needs to forgive a prominent person in their life. If that's you, please don't wait to ask the Lord to help you choose forgiveness.) There is always a root that needs dealing with in order to find yourself aligned... and sometimes the best way to address it is with a small, consistent adjustments to your life.

If we go back to what I mentioned about myself a few paragraphs ago, you can probably guess why this has been an ongoing lesson in my life. When I see something in me that is not right, or not functioning the way it should, I am always quick to want complete resolution and freedom immediately. This, wherein lies the problem. And this is where the small adjustments come in to play.

Say I tried to cold-turkey uproot, realign, heal, and solve every issue in my heart all at one time... that would be a lot, too much to handle. As a fallible and very imperfect human being, I would most certainly become a crazy person going through all of that at one time. I would not learn any lessons from the process; And I would not get the chance to recognize the testimony of God's hand working in my life. BUT, if I patiently and consistently allowed the Lord to work on me bit by bit, I know the outcome would be sweeter and more beneficial to me as a whole person.

I am thankful that the Lord is teaching me how to be a better me through this lesson. I am thankful that I am learning that it's not failure for a process to start small and inch it's way forward... progress is progress. It is ok for me to trust and obey when the Lord asks me to make small adjustments. And it is beneficial to my spirit, heart, and mind to take my time in growing and stretching. My whole being benefits from the small adjustments, one step at a time.

So if you are feeling overwhelmed by the resolutions and goals you've set for this year, I want to encourage you: don't rush the process and miss all you could gain from within it. And please, please don't let yourself be discouraged when the progress seems to be at a crawl. As long as you're moving forward you are in a good place. Lastly, trust the Lord... He knows best what tweaks and twirks you need to be the best you. May you be ever encouraged by His small adjustments in your life.

Positioning My Heart

I woke up today with a song sitting in my mind and heart. It's a song that has been sitting with me for a couple of weeks now. It is a reminder, an encouragement, and it stirs my heart. The reason is simple and is declared in the title... "Great Are You Lord"!! It may seem simplistic, it may be obvious, but I'm trying to not rush past it. I want to let it sit and soak and allow myself to meditate on it's words. I want the lyrics to stir my heart every time I hear them. I don't want to miss it.

Will you Listen to the song with me right now?

"You give life, You are love

 You bring light to the darkness

 You give hope

 You restore every heart that is broken

 Great are You Lord"

THIS, this is our God. This is the one who created us, who loved us so deeply that when sin overcame us and separated us from Him, He sent His wonderful Son to restore us. He is the giver of healing, the giver of wholeness, He is the mender of hearts. I don't know if this is coming across clearly not, but it's burning in my heart because He's just so good. 

I never want to forget all the things He has done in my life. I never want to forget the healing, physically and emotionally. I never want to live a day where I don't thank Him for the freedom I get to walk in; for the salvation He gave me SO FREELY! I never want to miss the chance to remember His hand reaching down and pulling me out of the pit of sadness, anger, bitterness, and hurt. I want to always remember Him revealing who I am as His daughter, chosen, called, fierce, and loving. HE is the reason I am today. 

"And all the earth will shout Your praise

Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing

GREAT ARE YOU, LORD!"

In the deepest parts of my heart I pray that we would be filled with the awe of all He is, all He has done, and all He will continue to do. I pray that our hearts would be filled with thanksgiving and praise. That we would allow Him to fill us so that we can pour out our praise. He is so great and so deserving.

And I pray that if you have a hard time recognizing His goodness; or if your past has hindered you from processing goodness, that healing would come! That you would be loosed from the heaviness that bogs you down and that the JOY of the Lord would fill you. I pray that your heart would recognize His hand at work in your life, and in recognizing it that you would be stirred to praise. 

He's so good. He's so faithful. His grace is astounding. His mercy, never ending and new every morning, is beautiful. His heart is for you and His heart is for me! His will for us is perfect and wonderful and beyond anything we could fathom. 

So Lord, my God, my beautiful and wonderful Father, we worship You. We praise You for Your hand at work in our lives. We glorify You for the peace that You give us that surpasses understanding. Thank You for Your faithfulness to love us, through every moment that we turn our backs, You are right there, arms opened, calling to us, loving us. You celebrate our victories; You mourn our losses. You lead us by still waters for us to be refreshed; You go before us in battle. Lord there is none like You. Thank You for being You, thank You for loving us. Great are You Lord!

South Africa - November 2018

South Africa 2018... unforgettable.

For months leading up to this trip I knew the Lord had big plans. Why?? Because so much was going wrong around me. The enemy was hitting every area you could imagine. It was obvious to me that he didn't want this trip to happen... which became my source of encouragement to push through. The enemy would not be so resistant if he wasn't scared, and that was exciting to me. The Lord had plans and I was ready and willing to be a part of it.

I look back over the two weeks spent traveling throughout South Africa and Swaziland and realize the Lord did more than I even realized in the moments. One of the biggest miracles to me was that our team, a group of 28 people from all over the place, were united in one purpose and got along. There was a bond that could only come from the Holy Spirit's leading, and it was beautiful. Every person was there to serve the people of SA, but also to serve each other. It constantly stirred my heart to pray for the church to walk in the very same perspective. Lord, teach us to love and serve in the same way You did.

We started the trip off with our safari, which I feel was strategic in team building. We enjoyed seeing the animals, and even got to see the lions being fed... incredible. We were staying at a lodge that also had so many cool animals roaming around. One morning we were having devotions and several zebra walked right next to us and started drinking from the pool. I don't think I've ever felt more at home, lol. 

From there we headed back to the airport to fly to Cape Town. We spent the weekend ministering at The Gathering in Paarl. People were set free, healed, and filled with the Holy Spirit. I was praying for a lady on the last night to be filled with Holy Spirit and I felt the power of God moving in a strong way, but she was so quiet that I couldn't tell if she was speaking in tongues or not. I leaned my ear towards her mouth and started laughing because the spirit of the Lord was moving so much she couldn't 't stop moving her mouth. I love getting to see people filled with His Spirit! I'm believing that she will allow the empowering of the Holy Spirit to give her boldness to share His love in great and mighty ways!

From Cape Town / Paarl we made our way to Nelspruit. This was probably the most surprising part of the trip for me. We joined up with a smaller church that we had never visited before... no one knew what the expect. But the Lord in all His wisdom knew what was needed. This church encouraged me. they LOVED each other. When the pastor had everyone greet one another, they literally greeted every person with such depth. I laughed because in America greeting times in churches are so awkward and everyone tries to get through it quickly... but they rejoiced in getting to be with each other. They honored each other with hugs and huge smiles. It was really beautiful. Some of us then shared briefly things the Lord was putting on our hearts for the church and we ended the night with a prayer tunnel. There is just nothing like a prayer tunnel in Africa when it's already hot and you're asking for more of the fire of the Holy Ghost! Whewwww!

After a quick nights rest we drove in to Swaziland. My favorite! As we were crossing the border I could immediately feel my heart swell with love for the children we would get to encounter. And my heart was not let down. When we visited the Care Centers there were children of all ages waiting for us to just love on them. We brought them sweeties (candy) and toys and clothes and tooth brushes and so much more... but above all that, we brought them hugs. We brought prayers to pray over them. We declared that they would have a hope and a future. That their future would be filled with kingdom things! And I prayed that they would have endurance to run this race of life, because life isn't easy but God's plans supersede the craziness of it all.I could have stayed with those babies for two weeks alone, but I am so glad we got the time we got with them. 

We ended our time back in Jo Burg at the big tent. On Saturday we held an outreach in the park across from the church. I told one of the guys that from the second we drove up I felt the Spirit of the Lord stirring, the atmosphere was thick. We unloaded all of the supplies we brought with us and all the food we purchased. We gave testimony, danced in worship, called on the Lord to meet us there, the word was shared, we prayed for the people, and then we fed them and distributed supplies. It was beautiful. It was precious. And I won't forget the faces of thankfulness from every person I handed something to. Thank you for sending me with supplies to share with these wonderful people!

I know this is lengthy, and doesn't have a ton of detail, but my heart is still processing all the Lord has done. I will say that this trip changed something in me. I mean, these trips usually do change me, but this was something I needed in the place of life I'm in. Not only did I get to reconnect with dear friends, I was able to establish some new relationships. I was encouraged constantly, which I hadn't realized how much I needed. I just left feeling so full and ready for what the Lord has next... whatever and whenever that may be!

So, please, keep praying with me. Praying for the people of South Africa and Swaziland. Praying for all the seeds that were sewn and every life that was touched. And please pray with me for the next steps in my life. The Lord is faithful and I am honored and humbled that He has chosen me to reach out to some many different people in my life... I'm ready for even more! 

Keeping People In a Box

It’s to the detriment of the church and self that one not serve the Lord in action; but it is to the plight of those who choose to serve that leaders are content with them remaining in the place where they first started.- Something the Lord has been speaking to me about.

I hear it said all the time: to be in ministry means to have a willingness to serve; scrub toilets, mop floors, pick up crumpled bulletins in the sanctuary, hold crying babies, sing in the choir, etc. And I agree... But I have seen all too often someone take that step to serve in whatever area is needed and leadership become content with keeping them there. And it’s not necessarily on purpose, in fact most times it is subconscious. It becomes easy to not pursue that person or help them find what they are called to. They have found a void to fill and that removes an ounce of stress from the leadership’s shoulders. It’s hard to find volunteers; it’s hard to keep volunteers. So I understand the peace that comes from finding a willing worker for a job that needs to be done.

But this is sad, and beyond sad it’s dangerous. Yes, we must all have the humility to do the dirty work, the simple jobs, or the unwanted tasks. We should all start somewhere... but the most important part of that sentence is “START”. One of the goals of being a leader, especially in the body of Christ, is to be build up and release people in their giftings and strengths to be beneficial in their home, work, church, community, and world.

We need to build up a body that keeps movement and growth happening. If someone is kept serving in an area that does not match their gifts/calling, it not only will harm their growth, but the growth of the church. Not to mention, missing out on what they truly have to offer.

“God calls every believer and gives every believer gifts and abilities. Our role as church leaders is to help people 

discover and utilize those gifts – and help them understand they will be held accountable for how they used them.” 

- A Spirit Empowered Church: An Acts 2 Ministry Model

I have been involved in many church settings, ministries, and Christian communities. I have seen and personally experienced the lack of motivation for helping our fellow followers of Christ to use the talents God has given them, and instead unconsciously (and possibly at times purposely) asking them to bury those talents in the name of (first) necessity and (then) comfort. 

I feel as though we are missing out. We’re missing out on the creative things the Lord has placed inside of people because it takes work to pull out of them. We are missing out on fruit for the Kingdom because we have allowed gifts to remain un-searched and covered up. And it’s time we break that mold. 

I’m challenged to dig deeper into the people I know and meet. I’m not the leader of a church or ministry, but I want to start somewhere. And I’m praying that leaders will grasp this idea, this goal. I’m praying there will be a longing stirred in their hearts to not just build up and release the personalities that are comfortable to them, but to create an atmosphere in their churches where people know their gifts will be sought out and put to use. That their congregations will feel the support and strength of the leadership helping them find who they are and what they are called to.

And as a disclaimer: don’t get me wrong, we need to serve and do things sometimes that are not “what we are gifted in”... but there is something different that takes place in our hearts when we are doing those tasks alone and when we are doing them supported by our leaders and community. 

I’m reminded of David as a young boy, caring for the sheep of his father while his brothers all stood before Samuel. Samuel saw with his natural eye attributes in David's brothers that could make for great leadership. But God's admonishment in 1 Samuel 16:7  shows us that God was not looking at what the outside presented, He saw what was inside. We also see in this chapter David's own father dismissing the gifts inside of David... it doesn't seem as though he was doing it to be cruel, but simply out of his lack of insight. But God, in all of His wonderful ways, speaks to Samuel of who David was created to be and by Samuel's obedience to release that over David it changes the course of a young man's life and the history that we have because of him. It's a beautiful imagery of what can change in someone's life when people are willing to hear and see who God has called them to be.

And as I have typed all this out I have been praying that a shift in the body of Christ would take place. That we would take time to hear and see what the Lord has placed inside those around us. Let us begin seeing people step into who they are and what they are called to because we take the time to acknowledge it in them and help them grow. May we not be content with simply filling voids and handing out tasks, but may we take the time to learn about the people around us and help them find the place where they prosper. And in doing so, may the Kingdom of God be multiplied and the body of Christ be strengthened.

Friendship

This meme has been floating around for a few months now. I posted it on my Instagram story when I first saw it because I literally laughed out loud. But the more I see it the more it really clicks with me.

I've been in my 30's for 1.5 years now. I have experienced a LOT of changes in my life during that time frame. One of the biggest areas I'm noticing change in is my relationships with people. It's become harder to spend the time I want and used to spend with my friends. Seasons of life are changing, people are becoming parents, jobs are becoming more demanding, ministry goals are beginning, many have moved in different directions/states/countries. I have lost some relationships and have seen some relationships turn into acquaintances. 

For someone like me, who is an extrovert to the core and who's #2 love language is quality time, this season proves to be one of lots of stretching; lots of remembering that the world can't stay the same; and a lot of turning to Jesus to fill my tank. And that is good! Because I want my friends to grow, mature, build lives, live dreams... and I want myself to rely on the Lord. But sometimes, lots of times, I miss the friendships of my teens and twenties. 

In all my younger years when I would imagine my adult relationships, never would I have pictured them how they are now. I never would have imagined how hard it would be to keep them going. How very purposeful we would all have to be to spend even an hour together. Sometimes it is just hard work... and what adult wants more work in their lives? But it is VERY difficult for me to let people go: 1) Because I'm stubborn and 2)Because I fight for the things that are important to me. I often have had the thoughts "what could I do/buy/say to entice my friends to spend time with me"...and though my heart was pure in that, who wants friends that are manipulated into spending time with them? 

Makes me think of the free will God has given us in choosing Him... why would He want children/friends that He has forced to love Him? He doesn't, no one does, that's not love at all.

But as the years move forward, I'm learning to ask the Lord the hard questions. I'm learning to wait and hear from Him whether it is beneficial for me to fight for a relationship or if it's now time to release it. I'm learning that spending all my energy trying to chase down friends is not only exhausting for me, but exhausting for them as well. And I'm learning that the seasons must change in order for fruit to come in our lives... and that is good!

The take away for me from this processing has been RELIEF. I don't need to force friendships, I don't need to worry about gaining or losing friendships, and I can just be. I trust the Lord knows the very core of my being, and He knows what I need more than I do. He's proven it time and time again, and this is just another area that I can give to Him and see fruit blossom. Hard seasons don't equal bad, hard seasons equal refining, maturing, ripening.

And I know I'm not alone in this. I've had many conversations with many people that have confirmed that I'm not just scaring my friends away (LOL) and being a failure in friendship, but that this season of life just gets hard when it comes to this area. Thankfully, for those of us who have a relationship with God, we can learn through this season. And in the end, us learning and growing through it will make us better friends anyway. It seems pretty full circle to me.

So if you are struggling with friendship... it's ok. If you're feeling unfulfilled by your friends, that also is ok. Take this season and apply your energy and time in to asking the Lord what He wants it to look like. Instead of stressing over how things used to be and feeling as if you have failed, grow. In the least cheesy way possible, become a friend of the Lord. Turn your view from negativity into positivity. That's what I'm doing and I can honestly tell you it is so relieving and freeing! :)

We are better together, but sometimes being better together takes us learning how to be better in our own selves first. So when friendship "fails" us, let's take the opportunity to become the better us and see what happens from there. :)

A Person Is A Person

Dr. Seuss left us with a quote often perceived as cliche... 

...but I would beg to differ. In fact, I'd like to add to this wonderful quote:

A person's a person no matter how tall, how wide, how thin, how educated, how light 

or dark their skin is (or anything in between)! A person's a person not because we approve of 

them, a person's a person because the Lord created them... in His image... 

with a plan and a purpose for their life. A person's a person NO MATTER WHAT!

Today my heart was stirred for humanity. And because of that I'm causing myself to recognize and remember that each person on this earth is deserving of being treated as a human being. Meaning what? Meaning they deserve to be loved, deserve to be encouraged, deserve to be cheered on by their family and friends. Every person deserves to have someone in their corner, running this race of life with them, celebrating with them in victory, and mourning with them in sorrow. Because a person is a person.

Today I witnessed something that has radically shaken my core. It is causing me to reach deeper inside of myself, break down comfort zones I have built up, and to remember that God's most important commandments to us were to love Him and to love each other. The story I'm about to share could be a trigger for someone, and so I want to warn that it pertains to suicide. If this is a sensitive topic for you, first, know that I am praying for you, second, PLEASE reach out to someone, and third, you may not want to read any further.

My morning started early, and on not much sleep. I got up and turned my Uber app on and I was out the door. I ended up picking up a couple going to the San Jose Airport, only for them to realize as we were getting off on the exit that they had put in the wrong airport and their flight was really from SFO. So I helped them get it figured out and we started the long drive to SFO. I knew I'd probably go in to the city after that because that's the norm for when I end up at SFO. But what I didn't know was that I would get all but 2 of my rides in for the day during that trek to SFO. 

When we reached SFO I dropped of the couple and had 2 people heading into the city in my car... just as I figured. I got to the city and picked up my last 2 rides and then I was done. Rarely am I ever done that early and so I was excited to be heading home to catch up on my lack of sleep from last night. I got to the bridge and something just didn't feel right... the only way I can explain it is that the atmosphere felt very heavy. I tried to shrug it off and stay excited for my nap, but I quickly learned why. 

The bridge had 2 lanes closed off and because of that traffic was backed up and moving slowly. I was driving with my windows down, as I usually do in the city. All of a sudden I was hearing screaming and crying and men shouting: "Ma'am please don't!" "Stay calm" and whatever else they could say to try to change the direction this moment was headed. As soon as I heard all of the chaos I looked to my right and there, on the ledge of the bridge, was a sobbing woman about to take her life. Just as I was passing the scene the highway patrol got ahold of her legs and were able to pull her off the ledge and to the ground. The last thing I heard as I left that moment were the most hopeless, hurt filled words I've ever heard; she began screaming over and over: "please, just let me jump; let me go!"

If you need a minute after reading that I truly understand... I needed several minutes after seeing/hearing it to breath. It was heavy, actually, it still is heavy. I cried. I prayed. I felt the Father's heart for her in her hopelessness. And then started remembering the many stories of people I know, or know of, that didn't get the intervention this woman got... and I cried all over again.

Man, we're missing something guys. We are missing a piece to the puzzle that reminds us that we need each other. We need to be honest and vulnerable with each other. We need to check in on each other. There are so many out there trying to fight these horrible thoughts about themselves on their own... and we just weren't meant to do that. And today something changed in me from seeing and hearing the cries of this woman as she almost lost her life. I don't know all the answers, but I know we need to pray and we need to be purposeful in loving each other... EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD and AWKWARD! Let's be available and let's even pray for the Lord to send people our way so He can use us to intervene. Because a person is a person, and they deserve someone caring enough to stand with them.

Lastly, I want to say to anyone who is reading this that is struggling with any thoughts that are negative about yourself... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE know that someone cares. I am here. And if that freaks you out I have attached the phone number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 

(1-800-273-8255) and the link to their online chat site. Please reach out! I am praying you find the strength and courage to reach out, and for peace in your heart and mind. You are a person, and you deserve for us to care about you... and we do!

Link to chat with confidential support!