Friendship

This meme has been floating around for a few months now. I posted it on my Instagram story when I first saw it because I literally laughed out loud. But the more I see it the more it really clicks with me.

I've been in my 30's for 1.5 years now. I have experienced a LOT of changes in my life during that time frame. One of the biggest areas I'm noticing change in is my relationships with people. It's become harder to spend the time I want and used to spend with my friends. Seasons of life are changing, people are becoming parents, jobs are becoming more demanding, ministry goals are beginning, many have moved in different directions/states/countries. I have lost some relationships and have seen some relationships turn into acquaintances. 

For someone like me, who is an extrovert to the core and who's #2 love language is quality time, this season proves to be one of lots of stretching; lots of remembering that the world can't stay the same; and a lot of turning to Jesus to fill my tank. And that is good! Because I want my friends to grow, mature, build lives, live dreams... and I want myself to rely on the Lord. But sometimes, lots of times, I miss the friendships of my teens and twenties. 

In all my younger years when I would imagine my adult relationships, never would I have pictured them how they are now. I never would have imagined how hard it would be to keep them going. How very purposeful we would all have to be to spend even an hour together. Sometimes it is just hard work... and what adult wants more work in their lives? But it is VERY difficult for me to let people go: 1) Because I'm stubborn and 2)Because I fight for the things that are important to me. I often have had the thoughts "what could I do/buy/say to entice my friends to spend time with me"...and though my heart was pure in that, who wants friends that are manipulated into spending time with them? 

Makes me think of the free will God has given us in choosing Him... why would He want children/friends that He has forced to love Him? He doesn't, no one does, that's not love at all.

But as the years move forward, I'm learning to ask the Lord the hard questions. I'm learning to wait and hear from Him whether it is beneficial for me to fight for a relationship or if it's now time to release it. I'm learning that spending all my energy trying to chase down friends is not only exhausting for me, but exhausting for them as well. And I'm learning that the seasons must change in order for fruit to come in our lives... and that is good!

The take away for me from this processing has been RELIEF. I don't need to force friendships, I don't need to worry about gaining or losing friendships, and I can just be. I trust the Lord knows the very core of my being, and He knows what I need more than I do. He's proven it time and time again, and this is just another area that I can give to Him and see fruit blossom. Hard seasons don't equal bad, hard seasons equal refining, maturing, ripening.

And I know I'm not alone in this. I've had many conversations with many people that have confirmed that I'm not just scaring my friends away (LOL) and being a failure in friendship, but that this season of life just gets hard when it comes to this area. Thankfully, for those of us who have a relationship with God, we can learn through this season. And in the end, us learning and growing through it will make us better friends anyway. It seems pretty full circle to me.

So if you are struggling with friendship... it's ok. If you're feeling unfulfilled by your friends, that also is ok. Take this season and apply your energy and time in to asking the Lord what He wants it to look like. Instead of stressing over how things used to be and feeling as if you have failed, grow. In the least cheesy way possible, become a friend of the Lord. Turn your view from negativity into positivity. That's what I'm doing and I can honestly tell you it is so relieving and freeing! :)

We are better together, but sometimes being better together takes us learning how to be better in our own selves first. So when friendship "fails" us, let's take the opportunity to become the better us and see what happens from there. :)