Why I Celebrate Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is tomorrow... first of all, how the heck are we already half way through February?!?! Geez la wheeze! But with that being said I have been spending some time thinking about this silly little holiday that is wrapped up in all things pink, red and chocolate covered.

It's a pretty funny thing the responses us single folk get around Valentine's Day... you know: the awkward avoidance's of the subject, sympathetic smiles, apologies after asking what our Valentine's plans are. And for some, I guess those precautions are needed, but for me I thoroughly enjoy celebrating February 14th. Why? Well let me break it down... 

In a day and age where love is often times stifled and looked at as a form of business thus fading fairly quickly, I find immense joy in having a whole day set apart to celebrate the true love shared around the world. To celebrate the man and wife who have fought for their marriage and stood the test of time for 60+ years; to rejoicing with the couple who have recently made the bold commitment to love each other in sickness and health; even celebrating the love a dating couple has for each by saving themselves till marriage... I will celebrate these things because they have value and when we don't recognize the worth of something so special it tends to fade away.

We see a world filled with hate and bitterness. Where divorce runs amok like an overflowing toilet. When couples can't seem to remember why they chose to say "I Do" in the first place and have lost every ounce of love they once held. We have seen over and over again the negativity that happens in a world where love is lost... so I choose to celebrate when love is found.

God, the I AM, Love Himself, blessed the earth when He gave Adam and Eve to each other. From their love came nations! Love creates; love changes things; love stretches us; love gives us depth. And I want to see those things not only in my life, but in the lives of those who I cherish. So I choose to acknowledge the value of love. In fact, I wish there were more of it around me to be able to celebrate.

I hope that the love I celebrate on this day will still be there many years to come. I pray that those who have not experienced love, that they will allow the Lord to be that for them! I have hope for this world and believe that Love can change it.

So this Valentine's Day if you are single I challenge you to not see the day as depressing and heavy, but take the chance to celebrate those who are fighting the good fight of keeping love alive in this world! It's hard work and it deserves to be celebrated! Yes, I do want to be able to celebrate it one day with a man of my own (lol) but today I choose to celebrate for those around me!

The Drop Box

It's been a while, huh? While I figured right now would be a great time to write since I have a hundred other things I should be doing to get ready for my first cruise early Thursday morning... yeah, yeah procrastination at its finest. But hey, it's giving me a reason to share what's stirring in my heart tonight.

A D O P T I O N

A word that often times is related to long processes, frustrations, large amounts of money, and a lot of times sorrow. People who are adopting often doing it because they cannot conceive children on their own. This can cause insecurities and bitterness. Then there are the adoptees who, most likely, at some point in their lives wonder why their birth parents gave them up leading to feeling abandoned and hurting. So much heaviness can be linked to this word adoption... but tonight, I connect this word with hope. 

I laid in my bed tonight looking to find something on Netflix to watch (this was the beginning of my procrastination finding an outlet). I came across the documentary titled "The Drop Box". I had heard of this movie several months ago in a Bible study from a fellow youth leader. As he talked about it I could hear the passion in his voice but truthfully, I was a little zoned out and didn't catch the point of the film. I knew it had something to do with a pastor rescuing babies but that was about it. I wasn't able to see the film and sort of just forgot it even existed. 

So tonight when I saw this title I got pretty excited to finally check it out. I mean I have always been about adoption, after traveling all over the world, and my own country, and seeing all the children of the world... red, brown, yellow, black and white... and experiencing how precious they were and knowing how much they were loved by the Lord (I don't care how cheesy "Jesus Loves The Little Children" is, it's super true), I had always held a special place in my heart to adopt some day. Maybe 1; maybe 2; maybe 10... I don't know, I just know it will happen. 

And so I turned the movie on...

I loved hearing the stories (or reading, since most of the documentary is in Korean lol) and I loved seeing the faces of those dear children. You could definitely see the heart of passion and love Pastor Lee has to serve the Lord by caring for the orphaned. But there was a specific point in the film where Pastor Lee says something that reminded me of a truth we all should walk in. He says: “The reason I decided to become their father was God has adopted me.”  Take a moment and let that sink in...

Because God has adopted me... chose me... loved me... comforted me... blessed me... anointed me... the list could go on and on. HE is our Father. And I know that I want to live this life through His heart as much as I possibly can. I know that adoption can be scary, but above and beyond that I also know how special and humbly it can be. To care for those who have no one to swoop them in to their arms and love them... that is the heart of the Father. And I am reminded tonight of my adoption into His arms... when the world pushed me out and I felt completely abandoned and alone, He was there embracing me and letting me know that the depth of His love for me goes beyond the deepest ocean and the furthest galaxy. 

I want to encourage you, if you have never thought of adoption as your thing, reconsider. Pray about it. We can never know the extent of life changing that can happen when we open ourselves up to be used to pour out the love of our Father... but we don't know to know, we just need to obey!

Lord, if it be Your will, open the hearts of those reading this to reach out in obedience to You and allow You to use them to change the lives of those around them. Let us be Your vessels for You to pour out love. Whether it is through adoption or through sharing a meal with a person without a home. Let us shine Your light in whatever way possible. Amen.

Victory in Him

"I wait quietly before God,

For my victory comes from Him.

2 

He alone is my rock and my salvation,

    my fortress where I will never be shaken."

~ Psalm 62:1-2

I feel like I just need a second to comprehend that first line in itself... Quiet is NOT my forte; let alone add the word that no one likes... "wait"! Geesh, that is quite a beginning statement. Nonetheless, these 2 verses (and whole chapter really) have been a comfort for me these last couple of weeks. There is something about going through a battling season in life that makes you have to decide what the important things are. What are the things I'm going to cling to? Where am I going to find my strength? I'm learning that it's easy to seek out the comfortable and try to hide away from the battles of this world, but I'm also learning there is no victory in that.

The sense of false safety/security that comes from hiding is a scary one... it tends to make us believe that we are better off hiding rather than pushing through. But these verses show me that there is already victory in my life, because I dwell (or wait quietly as this verse states) in the Victor. So why do I need to feel comfortable by hiding away? If I know the victory is there then I need to stand firmly on my Rock. For HE is my firm foundation and so whom/what shall I fear?

Isn't it easy to say these things? But putting it in to action is something all in itself! But we learn; we grow; we stretch ourselves in trust. And I know for me, I begin to release the sense of control I think I need to have and it becomes easier to wait quietly before Him. Knowing that as I wait, He's already in motion... HE IS ALREADY IN MOTION! The God of yesterday, today and forever; the Creator of the Heavens and the earth; the Healer and Deliverer; the Alpha and the Omega... He is already in motion.

As I look all around me and see the storm raging, my boat rocking and fear rising, all I have to do is look over at Jesus resting peacefully in the very same boat and realize He knows. He knew the struggle would happen, He knew how I would respond (which, truthfully, is not all that great most of the time lol) but most of all He knows the victory that will come from Him calming that storm in the end. So when it all feels too heavy, I can crawl up next to Him and allow His peace that surpasses my understanding to penetrate my very core. I can breathe in His truth and cast out all fear. I can rest in His joy and release heaviness. 

And I can rejoice in the victory the lies before me!

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness to know beyond my comprehension how everything will work out in the end. Thank you for loving me through my humanistic thinking and for covering me with Your grace and Your mercy all the days of my life! I love You!
Amen

Your Story

Over the last week I spent some much needed time next to a river. The constant sound of flowing waters and chirping of birds while leaves rustle in the wind allowed me to rest in the presence of the One who created it all. There is most definitely nothing like the peace that comes from being in His creation with Him. But I did not spend the whole week sitting alone, I would have gone crazy if that were the case lol; I spent many hours building relationship with teenagers who were searching for the heart of the Father. We spent many hours laughing, worshipping, praying and seeing Him move. But something stuck with me throughout the week... something that comes up often but never really hit my heart before. In many instances, when I would ask the kids what they wanted from the Lord they would say a form of this: "I don't want my past to follow me anymore!" I didn't hear this once or twice, but several times throughout the week.

Why are we afraid of our stories? Why do we fear the things of our past? Why do we dwell in guilt and shame? These are the questions I began to ponder conversation after conversation. I searched my own heart and realized I lived much of my life afraid of the same thing. There was a time I felt that if anyone knew my past they would only see me for that. I realized that by allowing those things to stay bottled up I had kept myself from experiencing much freedom. But there was a point in my life where I realized that my story needed to be shared...

I remember sitting across from this girl when I was 18 years old sharing, for the first time, in full my testimony. I could see tears building up in her eyes and I could feel Holy Spirit moving in the midst of the conversation. I shared the brokenness I had felt my whole life and how that had led to depression; how I had to wear this constant mask of good church girl but as soon as I got home would cry myself to sleep. There were so many negative thoughts I allowed to consume me. After sharing with her she opened up to me, she became very vulnerable, and shared her struggles as well. I had the opportunity to pray with her and from that moment I got to walk through life with her. She and I are still friends to this day and I still get excited overtime I see the freedom she is living in.

When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share not only the pains and tragedies of our lives, but the joy and salvation that the Lord has given us as well, we bring such glory to Him. For if it weren't for Him we'd all be stuck in the muck of this world and our flesh. For it is for freedom that we have been set free (Galatians 5:1)... not only our freedom but the freedom of others. The word tells us that we have overcome by the blood of the Lamb but also by the word of our testimonies (Revelation 12:11). When we release our story, we release freedom.

As I've been reading Acts I see Paul sharing his story at any and every moment possible. Paul, the man who was murdering Christians; the man who was denying Jesus... He would openly share that with the world. Why? Because his life didn't stop at the murder and the other horrible things he did, his story continued on to shine light on the fact that he was made free by Jesus, the very one he persecuted. 

Don't be afraid of your story. And don't allow your story to make you feel unworthy. Yes, you have sinned, so have I, because we are flesh. If you weren't meant to dwell in your mistakes then Jesus would never have come to offer freedom and life. The Bible tells us that He died for us while we were still sinners... WHILE WE WERE STILL, not after we had purified ourselves and lived holy lives for a certain amount of time. No! It was in the int hat He came to set us free. So I encourage you, just as I encourage those teenagers this past week, walk in that freedom... release your story in the world and see the difference that it brings. Don't fear the past, rejoice in the freedom! 

Fathers

Yesterday was Father's Day and all day I was trying to think of a wonderfully honoring post to thank all the men in my life who have loved me and stood by my side. There didn't seem to be any words that were fitting. But this morning, as I was watching dads bringing their kids to school, I started thinking about the roles men play and the choices they have to play them.

You see our ultimate, perfect Father shows us that being a father is a hard job. It takes patience, grace, discipline, peace, love, joy and most of all sacrifice. Our Heavenly Father sacrificed His own Son so that we may have life and freedom in life. He constantly has us turning our backs on Him and yet He is always standing there with arms wide opened. He allows us to make our own choices, never forcing us to love Him; and when we make those ridiculous mistakes, He is there to guide us in loving and gracious discipline. He is THE great comfort and joy giver; and He never fails to be our peace when we allow Him. Obviously there is so much to be said about our amazing Father, but this blog could never contain all those words in a lifetime of posts. 

In reflection of our Heavenly Father, men must learn to step up from just being know as a dad to truly being a Father: one willing to choose to love and guide everyday. It's easy to help produce a child, but it takes depth of heart to choose to father. To those of you out there choosing everyday to try your best, with the help of the greatest Father of all, to raise your children, bless you! Thank you for not giving up on the days that are seemingly overwhelming. Bless you for working diligently to provide not only financially but in love and support as well. You are honored among a dying breed. 

There are many men out there who take it a step further even; not only are they raising their children, but they are taking those of us (who have no earthly father) and pulling us under their wings. If I could shout from the mountain tops for everyone to hear I would tell the world how grateful I am for you. You are not expected to love us; you are not required to care and guide... but you do. You show the Father in more ways imaginable and I am beyond words grateful. Thank you or understanding those days that I am sleeping on your couch; thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for blessing me financially so many different times. For your words of wisdom and discernment! For caring about who will marry me, and threatening to beat any guy who breaks my heart :)! 

 To a girl who grew up very independent and knowing that I could do anything myself, these men helped mold me. They showed me that I deserved to be cherished and that I didn't need to put on the tough face. It was ok for me to be a lady. Often they would make me laugh and many times I would shed a tear with a heart of gratitude. It's amazing really, the choice to love the "orphan" can change ones perspective on the world. 

And to you men, who are still learning how to be mend still trying to decide if you want to step up to the plate... know this: When a man is manly enough to follow the Lord's example and be a reflection of His character in the earth, lives are changed; women are allowed to be women and children are allowed to be children. So I urge you, decide wisely and decide quickly. Allow the Lord to use you in the life of your children and the children around you. It will change this world!

Lord, I thank you for men who follow your lead. I ask that you would bless them and encourage them. Let them know that they are making a difference even if they can't see the outcome. Let those around them honor them and speak life into them. Holy Spirit would you help them to have the strength and boldness to continue to make the decision to care for your children? Let that be a burning in their hearts! Turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers. In Jesus' holy name, Amen!

Thank you for all you do FATHERS! <3 

7 Eleven and Perspective

Tonight I decided to stop by 7 Eleven for a slurpee on my way home (it's too hot outside, don't judge me!:) ). As I was standing in line to pay 2 teen guys walked in and caught my attention. I wouldn't normal have noticed them, but they walked in talking pretty loudly, using every unnecessary word possible. To be honest, I was already annoyed just by that happening. They proceeded to walk into the candy and medicine aisle. I turned the other way and all of a sudden the worker at the cash register takes off from behind the counter yelling at them... to say the least, they had my attention again. As he walked over I saw one of the teens take a package of condoms, which had very obviously just been hidden, out of his pocket and shoved back on the shelf. The worker came over and was saying something and one of the boys said with an attitude, "well at least I put it back, geesh sorry" and walked away... but at least he said sorry. The other kid stood there mocking the man and making rude gestures and comments towards him, being the most disrespectful I think I've seen someone be in a long time.

My blood was boiling.

I wanted to say so much! I wanted to yell at them for being rude; lecture them for trying to steal; correct them for using such ridiculous language... but something in me kept saying to hold my tongue. All of me wanted justice for these two disrespectful boys. As the other worker rang me up I was processing so many things I could have, and wished I would, say. When he finished I backed up, looked at both workers and thanked them and made a point to say I appreciated them and their establishment and they did not deserve to be talked to like that. IT didn't resolve that need for justice in my heart but I wanted to make sure they knew I appreciated them.

When I got in the car the Lord started stirring my heart to pray for these boys. At first my prayers sounded a little bit like this: "Lord, these boys need someone to spank their butts and put some soap in their mouths. Let them get the justice they deserve for the way they are treating others!" But then, I was reminded, what makes me better than them? Only the grace of the Lord. And I started worshipping Him for that grace and His mercy on me. My song sounded a little bit like this: "You are worthy and I'm undeserving. You are righteous and I am not. You're the Holy One, Faithful One, Prince of Peace..." and then something struck me, it's not bad to want justice because He is the God of justice BUT He is also the Prince of Peace. He brings peace! He is Peace! In my mind it is hard to comprehend justice and peace coinciding in a situation like tonight's. But that is why God is God, and I am not! 

So, my prayers for those 2 boys changed a little. Instead of commanding justice, I asked for the Lord to shift their hearts. For them to get a revelation of His love for them. That they would come to see Him as Lord... and through that they would be completely, radically changed. But I also asked the Lord to transform my heart. That my first response would not be that of blood boiling justice, but of grace and peace. That He would help me to see and pray not through my flesh but through His Spirit. And immediately I felt a lift of the irritation and frustration I was feeling towards those boys. It's amazing how a situation can shift in a instance when we ask the Lord to fix our perspective. 

Lord, I know you can draw them to You and I know that they need You! So, I am standing in the gap calling out, saying reach them! Let their hearts be open to You! Let their minds and attitudes be transformed by You! We all need Your amazing grace and so I pray they would find it quickly! And I ask that you would bless my friends at 7 Eleven tonight too, Lord... they need You too! Amen

Dear Future Mr...

  My thoughts tonight are on you. I'm feeling the heaviness of what it is for you to live in a world so consumed by lust and sex. To be a man in a time where it's difficult to live up to your calling. When everyone and thing around you is telling you to just give in to the pressures of this world. The weight of no one understanding purity. My heart breaks for you. 

  The enemy would have you to believe that it's not even worth it to fight... no need to try to stand your ground, because eventually you will fail. But I declare that is a lie and the truth is you can do all things through Christ who gives you the strength. And that it is worth it to stand firm! I pray right now that as you seek the Lord you will find His heart and find that His yoke is easy. Call on His name and He will answer you!

  I'm also aware that there is a great possibility that your past will have some battle scars, or maybe even some fresh wounds. You may have given in to what so heavily tempts... But there is no condemnation in the Lord. His grace is sufficient for you! His love covers a multitude of sins. And nothing... absolutely NOTHING can separate you from His love. So don't feel shamed... don't feel condemned! But let the love of the Father and the freedom of the Lord wash over you right now! 

  I want to tell you that I'm sorry for this world being such a hard place for you to live as a man of God. I'm sorry that we, as women, have so longed for "love and affection" that those became our motive for living. That we dress for the attention; we come across either too needy or like we want nothing to do with you. I'm sorry that we have put so much pressure on you to be something for us that no man can be; to fill a void that only the Lord Himself could fill. 

  Forgive me for letting my emotions guide the way I interact with you, and for letting fear build those walls that keep me from trusting. I'm sorry that those are battles in my life that may affect you. As I pray for healing for you, I pray also for myself! I pray that the Lord would prepare me and remold me before I ever even meet you, so that I can be the woman you were meant to love and cherish, just as I pray He makes you into the man I will long to love and honor.

  I pray that in every area of your life you would find fruit. That your health would flourish. That your finances would be blessed as you honor the Lord with them. I pray that your relationships with your family would find you encouraged and strengthened. That all your friendships would bring honor to our Father. I pray that the Lord would bless you with immeasurable amounts of wisdom and discernment; and that all of your gifts would be used to build His kingdom. I pray that you hear His voice when He calls you and that it would be easy for you to know when He is speaking. May you clearly know His calling on your life and be ready to step out in faith whenever He calls. 

  But most of all, I pray that He would be number one to you... even after we meet. May He always have the throne in your life and may you always live to love, obey and serve Him. Anytime there is a decision to be made may you first turn your eyes and ears to His voice. When a trial takes place, would you look to Him for guidance. And when there is something to rejoice over, may you praise Him all the more. If that is your heart, then I will be willing to follow you wherever He may lead.

  So as I think about and pray over you tonight, I hope that you are near... but if not, I pray for the strength to endure and wait patiently... but also the boldness to not sit by idly hoping you are around the corner. My life doesn't start when you arrive, but now! Now is the time for me to walk in my Father's will. Now is my time to have faith and obey. And the same goes for you! I am longingly anticipating meeting you face to face, but until then I will pray for you often!

                                                       Love,

                                                           Your Future Mrs.