Together

Do you ever find yourself watching a movie you know is probably going to upset you or make you emotional and yet you do it anyways? Yeah, tonight I did that... not once, but twice!

I haven't been feeling well lately so on the evenings I can just stay home and rest I usually will watch a couple movies so I'm not laying here twiddling my thumbs in my bed. Tonight my choices were "The Good Lie" to start and then "Hachi: A Dog's Tale" to finish. Anyone who knows me already knows that second choice was not the wisest for me... animal movies ALWAYS make me cry! But let me talk about the first movie to start...

The story was about community... or better yet, family! It takes place with a group of young kids in Sudan in the midst of the war. They are trying to escape the dangers of their surroundings and they are not willing to leave anyone behind. The whole movie is about the sacrifice of each of them to better the family. I couldn't help but think about the church and how it compares. As a culture we have come so far from this kind of mindset that it's scary. We live to establish, grow and prosper ourselves. But I think about how the world would be if we lived our lives willing to lay them down for our brother... "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13. How we could turn this world upside down if we walked in that love!

The movie stirred up that longing in me to be back in Africa again. They just seem to get it there. The people truly understand that when you work together you can accomplish so much more and reach higher goals. They grasp that we need each other! Even God himself said it was not good for man to be alone... I'm pretty sure THE Creator of the universe would know better than any of us! I think being the extrovert that I am I recognize that need in my life. Without people to cheer for you as you are running your race, or people to run the race with you it just seems like a waste. Sometimes we just need reminders of how important the people are in our lives! 

Then, I watched the dog movie... why Nikki!?!?! Why did you do that to yourself??? lol

The first half is super cute and then something dramatic happens (as it always does) and I spent the other half of the movie sobbing my eyeballs out. Again it is a movie about relationships and faithfulness. As I sat holding my precious pup (telling him over and over again that he is not allowed to ever leave me lol) I thought about all the relationships in my life that have come through and either stayed or gone. I thought about the seasons of closeness to certain people and the sad times of having to let go and move on. But I don't think I ever move on... I think I was created with something in me that just wants to hold on to people. I mean even in good situations I struggle, so imagine the rough times!

Anyways, I'm just ranting about how important people are to me... Probably because I am in a season of a lot of alone time and not liking it very much lol! But I'm trusting the Lord that as I lay myself down and my selfish wants and desires aside that He will help me to grow and I will better be able to love those around me... even when it's hard! Because, I want to see big things happen... and it just won't be as good if I'm doing it all by myself! 

Some food for thought... why is it that one of the hardest things to deal with in life is loneliness?

28

Ouch... that number is hard to type! 28 years of life! 10 more than 18; 7 more than 21! So much has happened in all those years... things that have shaped me, smoothed me, frustrated me, excited me, made me cry, made me laugh, and so on. There have been relationships that have stuck closer than a brother/sister, and then there have been ones that have lasted only a season. There have been life changing moments and moments of dry silence. Moments for sweat shirts and moments for tank tops. My life has consisted of so much and yet not seemingly enough! But everyday I am reminded that as I surrender and let go of the reins of my life that it doesn't matter what occurs that day because it WILL bring glory to my King!

Now that was just the beginning... I am about to get real vulnerable right now and let you in on an area in my life I often keep close to me and very protected... my heart!

When I was 16 thinking about turning 18 my views on life were so narrow. I expected to meet a man in college and marry him the second we finished school. When I was 18 turning 19, those things hadn't even started to happen... then 20 and 21 and 22 and so on happened and here I am at 28, still yet to see that dream come to fulfillment. But don't take that as my hope being lost! For I am in a place in my life where Deuteronomy 31:8 strongly applies:

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

You see, my standards are HIGH! I can't emphasize that enough! THEY ARE HIGH! Because I am aware (maybe not fully but drastically) of the impact relationships and marriage have on your life. And I am not willing to settle for someone who is not ordained by the Lord to be in a relationship with me! The Lord has called me to do things I can't even fathom right now, and I don't say that in a bragging manner but with a humble heart because that is a big calling and it means the one who marries me will need to carry the same desire to be 100% in the hands of the Lord. So, I pray and I fast and I pray some more. I do not take lightly the term relationship. I know that no matter the form (friendship, family, romantic) they are hard work but so worth fighting for. And so they are worth my time in prayer and worth my time in tears! BUT my life's goal is NOT relationships; my life's goal is to be in one accord with the Lord. 

So, I am going to be ending this post by doing a little prophesying over my 28th year...

1) I will walk my path as a Proverbs 31 woman. Willingly giving up all of me for 

the sake of my beloved and his children.

2) There will be a harvest this year! A harvest of health! Health in every area of my life! No more disease will dwell in my body, relationships or emotions. (Psalm 85:12)

3) My strength will come solely from the Lord! (Nehemiah 8:10)

4) My actions and responses will shine fruit from Holy Spirit so people will be 

drawn closer to Him! (Galatians 5)

5) This year is a season of rejoicing and singing and dancing... 

not before man, but unto the Lord!

If you feel any other words over my 28th year of life please don't hesitate to comment and share them with me! These are the things that cause my heart to celebrate! 

Content

I sat in a sanctuary four nights ago caught up in the sweetness of the Lord. It was supposed to be a devotional but it turned into a time of just pure worship. As the lady who was leading would sing I could feel the natural shifting away and the Kingdom of Heaven invading. It was peaceful and yet so empowering... it's funny how the Kingdom of God works like that.

In the midst of this worship session she began to sing some lyrics that penetrated me. I listened over and over again as she sang this simple little chorus and realized that she was singing what my heart was crying out...

"Tune out all other distractions;

  Isolate this one conversation.

  Spirit of wisdom and revelation

  Open up my eyes!"

Wow... even as I typed that all I can think is "wow"! There is something about asking the Lord to remove the focus of our hearts from all the things in our lives that pull us from Him and in place asking Him to open up our eyes by the Spirit who brings wisdom and revelation. Wisdom and revelation... Father, give me the thought process of Heaven; of Your Holy Spirit and Son. To become more like the Lord means to walk in those things. To respond to people with wisdom and thus releasing Kingdom. I think it's even yet too deep for me to fully comprehend, let alone write about.

So, I sat there on Friday in a place of total abandon, just me and the Lord... and I was completely and utterly content in that. I never like using that word in reference to myself because I've never wanted to be ok with where I'm at... I know there is always more and so I have always wanted to push forward. But I'm learning in this season of life that being content doesn't mean I get lazy or dull in my relationship with the Lord or in my life... it simply means, "I know You have me here, right now because You see all things in full and I only see in part. You know the beginning and the end and so I trust that if I follow where You are leading or rest when You ask me to that I will never feel empty or lonely." In realizing this it makes all those other distractions worthless and brings an excitement to each and every moment or conversation I have with the Lord.

It's not up to me how the timeline of my life turns out or if it turns out the way I expect it to at all. Because I have surrendered my life into the hands of the Alpha and Omega I know that it's under control. And even in those seasons where things don't quite make sense, like right now, there is peace in knowing that He is working it all to the good. And I am more than ok with that!

Lord, my prayer is that You would constantly remind me that I thrive and grow the most when I allow You to tune out all the distractions around me and cause me to focus solely on the moment with You. And I am most beneficial in this earth when I allow Your Spirit to open up my eyes with wisdom and revelation. Thank You for Your faithfulness to teach and grow me... I am fulfilled in You!

Come Away With Me...

My lover said to me,

“Rise up, my darling!

Come away with me, my fair one!

11 

Look, the winter is past,

and the rains are over and gone.

12 

The flowers are springing up,

the season of singing birds has come,

and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.

13 

The fig trees are forming young fruit,

and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming.

Rise up, my darling!

Come away with me, my fair one!”

Song of Solomon 2:10-13

"Come away with me..." those words are sweet; they are refreshing; they are life-giving. The fact that THE Creator longs to steal away with me and release in and over me that which will bring fruit and beauty... it's simply (and yet so complexly) amazing. 

Tonight I cling to these verses as a promise from the Lord. That the harsh season is gone and now what is coming forth is beauty and life and hope. That by my just being with Him I am transformed and will see amazing things take place. 

The past couple months have been truly heavy for me. A lot of pruning and uprooting and rearranging of the important things in my life. I felt like I was in a tornado of never ending emotions and frustrations. Almost like being caught in a rip current and having to just hold my breath and let the ocean do its thing before I was able to get air again. It wasn't fun. And I don't think that this next season is going to be all rainbows and butterflies, but I believe that my mind has been shifted to see that "He is working all things to the good", and by me being obedient to just come away with Him I will get to walk in His life and fruit. That excites me! 

It's so easy when we are going through a harsh season to get stuck there... not because the Lord isn't helping, but because we become comfortable in the struggle and it becomes familiar to us. And we all know the human race does not like change! But in order for us to grow we have to endure hardships to build up perseverance that will establish hope in our hearts. So I now see these last couple of months of relationship issues, health problems, sadness and insecurities as times for me to learn to "come away with Him" and bear the fruit of that intimacy. 

Lord, I thank you for the refreshing of your word tonight. That you gently and lovingly speak in ways you know will minister to my heart and grow me. Thank you for loving me so much that you are jealous for my time; that you long for me to come away with you. I pray that we would learn to let your love pour over us in all times so that when the harshness of winter is past we will begin to see the beauty in the fruit of the spring. You amaze me Lord! Amen