"Most of us never truly die to self --- we never really walk through the painful process of laying every hope, dream, and wish of our heart upon the altar before our King, or of letting our identity become swallowed up in Him. And as a result, our emotions, personality, and desires quickly take over and control us, hollering and bellowing and clamoring for us to build our life around them." -Sacred Singleness (Leslie Ludy) (pg 32)
A sweet friend of mine lent me this book to read in a very timely season. The excerpt above is a truth many of us never really know or care to know. It's not fun for us to have to lay ourselves at the feet of Jesus... and that's what we've thought our whole lives right?!?! That following Jesus would be all butterflies, rainbows and lollipops. That life would be easy. We could follow Jesus and never struggle. But... the struggle is real. The word tells us, "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps." (1 Peter 2:21) That right there will mess up a whole lot of Christian's theologies.
But I don't believe the struggle we have as followers of Christ is anything like that of the struggles we face in this world. For His yoke is easy and His burden light (Matthew 11:30). It comes down to our choice... will we fully surrender? Fully give ourselves up for the Kingdom? Will we lay aside our dreams, desires and passions to pick up those of the Lord's? I'm pondering on this tonight because the last few days have been ones filled with emotions, and at moments I allowed those emotions to dictate my actions and words. I allowed my desires and expectations to take precedence over what Holy Spirit was asking me to do in the moment. And as I reflect back over the last couple days I can see the selfishness in it all... that is NOT how I want to live my life!
"Emotions MUST become subservient to the Spirit of God --- to His will, His agenda, His purpose, and His direction. The vast majority of us have become enslaved to our own feelings rather than bond servants of Jesus Christ. We should never make decisions based upon what we FEEL like doing, but on what our Lord is asking of us. Loving Him is first an act of the will, a choice to put Him first, no matter what our feelings tell us. Once we learn to love Him with our will, our emotions and feelings naturally follow suit, and it becomes our greatest delight to give our lives wholly to Him. As the psalmist said, "I delight to do thy will, O my God!" (Psalm 40:8)" -Sacred Singleness (pg 32)
Tonight as I sit and think over this my heart yearns to not be one that half heartedly tells the Lord "I am Yours!" It is with all of me, mind, body and soul, that I give myself to the Lord! Sure, I'll slip up and try to take control, but in those moments I pray that through the Lord's grace He helps to refocus me and get me back to a place of laying myself down for His namesake.
These are not goals for anyone but Him. I am not even doing this for myself! Not for the family I once hoped for so desperately; the husband I have always longed for; the ministry He's promised me... all of those things fall very short of the fulfillment that comes from being in Him. I WILL TO BE content in Him!
So, tonight, if you read this and you feel a discontent or feel like your trying to control your own life is not working out, ask Him to take control. Ask Him to help you lay it all down before Him. He's worth it! Even if we never see a dream fulfilled, HE IS WORTH IT!
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