His faithfulness!

You know, sometimes people will fail you... Actually, all the time people will fail you. We're human, it's part of our flesh. But thankfully, this post is not about the many times I have felt failed by those around me... Rather, it's about the abundantly large amount of times the Lord has NOT FAILED me. His (God's) faithfulness surpasses my wildest imagination.

You see, I have spent too much of my life counting the wrongs done to me and not enough time acknowledging the Lord's hand in my life. I have so many reasons to rejoice and celebrate because of His simple (yet deepest thing imaginable) love for me. The way He meets me in a moment of sorrow and whispers words of peace into my heart. Or the way He allows me to rest in Him when I feel overwhelmed. How about the fact that when I am rejoicing over something, He rejoices all the more. He loves me! HE loves me! SOOOO much! And He doesn't stop there, He loves YOU so much too!

It's crazy the depth of His love... I mean, come on, He IS love. So it shouldn't be hard to grasp... except for that tiny fact that we are sinners and we don't "deserve" to be loved. But even in the midst of that, He loved us SOOOO much that He gave His Son (John 3:16) for us to be able to be reconciled to Him and get to enjoy the lavishing of His love upon us.

Surely, this would excite us more! Cause us to rejoice! But, we dwell on our unworthiness as humans rather than His infinite worth of being glorified. And we don't stop there... when we feel unworthy we tend to want to bring other people down with us so we can dwell in a pity party together. Gosh, if we could just move past ourselves (myself included) and begin to just look at Him; rest in Him; be embraced by Him! The world would be such a different place!

So back to His faithfulness! I am making a vow for this New Year (really from this point on) to keep my focus on the good that He is! And rejoice in the fact that He chose me; He wants me; He loves me! Whether man meets my expectations or not... my life is not for them, but for my Beloved!

Father, I pray that today someone out there in the world that needs a reminder just like You've given me would read this post and feel you stir their heart! That we would all, as Your children, see You and allow You to overflow out of us! The closer we get to You the more we will see Your characteristics come out of us and the more effective we will be in this earth! Take our hearts and mold them! Take our minds and transform them! Thank you so much for all the MANY times you have faithfully provided, loved, encouraged, and so much more for me! I love you Lord! Amen

Use Me

Over the summer the Lord began a transition in my mind. I was being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2) and learning to be consecrated to the Lord and not caught up in the ways of this world. I felt the Lord specifically ask me to give up some things and (I don't say this as a brag) it was pretty easy for me to do it in that moment. As the last couple months have progressed and I started getting into a more "normal" schedule I have found myself slowly forgetting the consecration I was called to. Spending more and more time looking for entertainment than searching the heart of the Father. Often thinking so much about myself that I lose the purpose behind why He created me... to love Him and to love others. But tonight I am reminded that even though it's not as easy as it was this summer, the Lord is still calling to walk in His presence and to love. 

Misty Edwards has a song called "Arms Wide Open"... the lyrics are penetrating my heart tonight:

"What does love look like?" is the question I've been pondering

"What does love look like?""What does love look like?" is the question I've been asking of You
I once believed that love was romance, just a chanceI even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautifulI once believed that love was a momentary blissBut love is more than this

All You ever wanted was my attentionAll You ever wanted was love from meAll You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet


Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confusedIf all of life comes down to loveThen love has to be more than sentimentMore than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at MeI saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at meHe was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through Me

I could not escape those beautiful eyesAnd I began to weep and weep
He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding


Love's definition, love's definition was looking at meLooking at Him, hanging on a treeI began to weep and weep and weep and weep
This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is


And as I sat there weeping, cryingThose beautiful eyes, full of desire and love
He said to me, "You shall love Me, You shall love MeYou shall love Me, You shall love Me"


With arms wide open, a heart exposedWith arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding


If anybody's looking for love in all the wrong placesIf you've been searching for love, come to Me, come to MeTake up your cross, deny yourselfForget your father's house and run, run with MeYou were made for abandonment, wholeheartednessYou were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so Follow MeAnd You'll come alive when you learn to die"

So, I am asking the Lord tonight to engrain in me the depth of His love so that I would long for nothing else. That I would be fully satisfied by Him and His will for me. That what I take in would be pure and righteous and what I would release would be sweetness to His eyes and ears. I want to see lives changed because I am allowing Him to have His way. You see, it's easy to seek the love or affection of man, but it doesn't satisfy. The only way I know I will feel whole at all times is by being in Him! In His presence! In His will!

If you are ready to stop living for self tonight, He's there. He's ready for us to release our control to Him. He's ready to release us in the earth so that we can release His Kingdom! 

Here I am Lord. Broken and ready for you to use to pour out your Spirit. Mold me into who you would have me to be! Give me the strength and courage to walk in obedience to that and teach me to be patient in your presence... not to rush through to the next thing. Still and at rest before you! I love you!

He's Worth It...

"Most of us never truly die to self --- we never really walk through the painful process of laying every hope, dream, and wish of our heart upon the altar before our King, or of letting our identity become swallowed up in Him. And as a result, our emotions, personality, and desires quickly take over and control us, hollering and bellowing and clamoring for us to build our life around them." -Sacred Singleness (Leslie Ludy) (pg 32)

A sweet friend of mine lent me this book to read in a very timely season. The excerpt above is a truth many of us never really know or care to know. It's not fun for us to have to lay ourselves at the feet of Jesus... and that's what we've thought our whole lives right?!?! That following Jesus would be all butterflies, rainbows and lollipops. That life would be easy. We could follow Jesus and never struggle. But... the struggle is real. The word tells us, "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps." (1 Peter 2:21) That right there will mess up a whole lot of Christian's theologies. 

But I don't believe the struggle we have as followers of Christ is anything like that of the struggles we face in this world. For His yoke is easy and His burden light (Matthew 11:30). It comes down to our choice... will we fully surrender? Fully give ourselves up for the Kingdom? Will we lay aside our dreams, desires and passions to pick up those of the Lord's? I'm pondering on this tonight because the last few days have been ones filled with emotions, and at moments I allowed those emotions to dictate my actions and words. I allowed my desires and expectations to take precedence over what Holy Spirit was asking me to do in the moment. And as I reflect back over the last couple days I can see the selfishness in it all... that is NOT how I want to live my life!

"Emotions MUST become subservient to the Spirit of God --- to His will, His agenda, His purpose, and His direction. The vast majority of us have become enslaved to our own feelings rather than bond servants of Jesus Christ. We should never make decisions based upon what we FEEL like doing, but on what our Lord is asking of us. Loving Him is first an act of the will, a choice to put Him first, no matter what our feelings tell us. Once we learn to love Him with our will, our emotions and feelings naturally follow suit, and it becomes our greatest delight to give our lives wholly to Him. As the psalmist said, "I delight to do thy will, O my God!" (Psalm 40:8)" -Sacred Singleness (pg 32)

Tonight as I sit and think over this my heart yearns to not be one that half heartedly tells the Lord "I am Yours!" It is with all of me, mind, body and soul, that I give myself to the Lord! Sure, I'll slip up and try to take control, but in those moments I pray that through the Lord's grace He helps to refocus me and get me back to a place of laying myself down for His namesake. 

These are not goals for anyone but Him. I am not even doing this for myself! Not for the family I once hoped for so desperately; the husband I have always longed for; the ministry He's promised me... all of those things fall very short of the fulfillment that comes from being in Him. I WILL TO BE content in Him!

So, tonight, if you read this and you feel a discontent or feel like your trying to control your own life is not working out, ask Him to take control. Ask Him to help you lay it all down before Him. He's worth it! Even if we never see a dream fulfilled, HE IS WORTH IT!