The doubt...

What if... that question tends to be a stumbler for most people. It can often block us from moving forward with actions because of the fear that is attached to it. It can block trust and faith from shining through in our lives and keep us from experiencing true freedom. This is fresh in my mind today because of the season I just stepped into this week. I accepted a position as a front desk secretary. And don't misread my emotions, I am so excited to be working and be around people daily, but if we go back to the first line of this entry that question keeps popping up. 

What if I get stuck here?

What if it changes me?

What if I have to stop doing ministry?

What if I miss out?

What if? What if? What if?

You see, I have this desire to live a life of ministry... and I believe I am called to that life also. I believe the giftings the Lord has given me were specifically because He's called me into ministry. Now if I had my way I would be traveling weekly to places to minister and share the message the Lord has placed in my heart, but His ways are higher than my ways. He knows better than I where I need to be and for how long. So, why then am I asking all these what if's all the time? Why am I fearful that I won't see promises He's made me come to fruition? It's all because of this ridiculous thing called flesh. 

As I sit here typing I'm having this amazing revelation... the more I give in to these negative "what if" questions the less glory I am giving to the Lord. For if His word says He works all things to the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose then I should know that His mighty hand will show through. 

He will use me!

He will grow me!

He will open doors for me!

He will give me opportunities to minister!

He is a faithful God! And all that He does stems from love because HE IS LOVE! So there is no part of His being that wants to see me fail. And there is no part of Him that lies, so the promises He's made will come forth. Today I am thankful to serve a God who is constant and kind!

Relationships

I am a person of high energy that needs people around me. I tend to feel very worn out when I spend a lot of time by myself... and if I don't get time with my friends very often, it begins to feel like I'm on an island somewhere. Oh the joys of extrovertism (yes, I made that word up!).

In this time of my life I am thankful for every relationship I have. There are people that pour into me and push me to grow further than I can imagine myself growing. There are people running beside me in this race and cheering me on as I cheer for them as well. And I've got these relationships with all these amazing teenagers who allow me to speak into their lives. There is just something so fulfilling when you have relationships with people who long to grow and want you to help them get there. So my life is very full of relationships and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

With relationships there often comes frustrations and learning curves... and drama (especially when dealing with teens lol)! And we learn, we talk, we argue, we cry, sometimes we throw fits or shut down but nevertheless we grow... we MUST grow. I have friends in my life that know me pretty well, 3 to be exact. These 3 are the ones that I run to when I am sad, hurting, emotional, or rejoicing and celebrating. They know many of the ups and downs. They also tend to know me better than myself at times. But the quality I love that these 3 share is ears to hear the Lord. They often have opinions and will share them with me, but more so when they share what the Lord is speaking to them it brings this sense of relief to me. How lucky am I to have people in my life that seek the Lord and find Him and heed His directions. 

When God created Adam He said it was "not good for man to be alone"... And there are so many verses in the Bible about being a body and connected to the people around you:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

1 Corinthians 12:25-27 ESV

That there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

Proverbs 27:17 ESV 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

The Bible clearly shows us that we are better when we allow relationships in our lives. Not because it's always fun, but because they give us accountability and encouragement. When I look back a the seasons in my life where relationships were not all around me, I recognize that those were times of deep struggle. I struggled to hear the Lord; I struggled with feeling depressed; the struggles were real... literally. I didn't have people to help me see past that moment or to call me out on my bull. And so I dwelt in a circle of my own thoughts and the enemies mind games. So I recognize clearly that without relationships it is hard to live this life fully.

All that to say, be vulnerable... it's a process I'm still learning, but the more open we are, the deeper the Lord can take us. Let people speak into your life. Let them sharpen you. Let them celebrate with you. Be willing to hear what they have to say EVEN IF IT HURTS. Because the Lord will use those relationships to mold us into the best we can be. 

*stepping off of soap box now* lol