Identify Me

Tonight as I was watching some good ole "Fixer Upper" on HGTV a commercial came on that triggered a thought that has now prompted this post. With all the craziness this country, and world, have been going through lately I feel like this is a timely reminder. So let me share the commercial with you: Lezlie's Story

"I do feel like Ancestry gave me a sense of identity."

I felt a heaviness for us, as children of God, our Father and our Creator, not truly knowing who we are and thus not being able to walk in our true identity. There are so many things in this world that we could try to find our identity in: money, relationships, appearances, family, friends, ministries, careers, ethnicity/race, etc. And I find it is interesting timing to bring up the latter two in this list. With the #bluelivesmatter and #blacklivesmatter campaigns growing rampantly as the days pass, my heart is stirred to pray for both groupings of people to realize they don't need these hashtags for them to "matter" because they both matter already. These hashtags represent hurt and frustration but for the most part, it seems that people just want to be recognized and respected for who they are. The problem is that we think "we are ____" is our identity.

Why does identifying as a certain ethnicity mean you should be treated better or worse? Why does putting on a uniform identify someone as being perfect or having evil intent? We're all human, and we're all going to make human judgments and mistakes, that's why! One side says "you don't respect me because of this" and the other side responds back "I won't respect you because you don't respect me"... and we find ourselves in a whirlwind of a circle. Shouting the same hurtful things back and forth. What comes of it? More hurt. More disrespect. More hate. Is that what we really want our identities to be wrapped up in? I want to challenge us as a nation, as human beings, to not accept that as truth!

When Jesus came to earth to offer us a way out of sin and bondage, He knew His identity. He was firm in who He is. He is the Name above every name. And yet, when men were spitting in His face and placing a crown of thorns on His head and eventually hanging Him on the cross He did not say "Don't you know who I am? Don't you understand that I am the King of Kings?" In fact, in His love for us and the humility in His heart He said "Father forgive them for they know not what they do.(Luke 23:34)"

Wow... how powerful is that? Jesus was so firm in His identity that He did not need to call out for recognition or respect in a time when the world was against Him but He called out for OUR freedom! Whew, I need a moment there to process that!

Can we learn from Jesus' example? Can we push aside selfish and prideful mindsets, accept our identity as children of God and love those around us? Can we at least try? The enemy obviously does not want us to know who we truly are and so he will do anything he can to bring disunity and hate.  But I know that the more we pursue a relationship with the Lord the better we will understand our true identity and the better we can love. The more we love, the better we learn to respect each other. And the more love and respect we have, the better our world will be. And I am ready to live in a world that is a reflection of Heaven on earth rather than just trying to survive a world that is hell on earth. It's time for us to let the Lord show us who we are and walk it out! Let's do this!

Lord, tonight my heart is stirred for Your children to allow You to identify them, us! Help us to see who You created us to be and to carry out the love You have called us to walk in. I am believing for a reviving of Your children and a revelation of our identities. May we see each other the way that You see us... not as black or blue, or tall or short, or even loud or quiet, but as chosen and loved. Burn off the chains of hate that bind that hearts of our nation and world and cut off the enemies plans to bring destruction and disunity. Let Your Kingdom come and Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven! Amen!!!

What About Me?

What do you do when your whole being feels stuck and yet the whole world around you keeps moving? When your dreams are feeling lost in some other galaxy but everyone around you seems to be enjoying the fruit of their hopes? You long to travel but can't and everyone else seems to be able to while you are waiting. You're waiting for a husband while all your friends from high school and college are already married, engaged or soon to be. Your heart yearns for a child, and every other post on FB is either a pregnancy or birth announcement. You want to be healthy; you want to do what you're called to do. It' a hard season to be in and I know many of us are there... so I want to speak to the tiny bit of hope that is still stirring.

I watched a video tonight that is going viral on FB. It is the story of a couple with the promise of a child. Not just any child, but a little girl, with olive skin whose name would be Chloe. They share of the struggle they faced for years when they had no comprehension where this child would come from since they could not conceive. It tested their trust, their faith and their hope. The Lord had made a promise but it was a promise that would take place in His perfect timing. I don't want to destroy the whole story for you so I will attach the video to my blog for you to enjoy... it's worth the watch!

One of the subjects that came up briefly in the video was the pain this couple felt when all their friends were announcing pregnancies and babies but they seemed to have no hope. It tested their hearts on the goodness of God. How can we, as human beings, celebrate the joys that we long for when we aren't seeing them but others are? It's hard. There's no simple way of putting it. It is hard to rejoice with friends living their dreams when it feels like you'll never be able to celebrate your own. 

I am in that hard season right now where I am not seeing dreams happen. I am not seeing much of anything happen. And I don't say that to stir up sympathy, but simply to be honest. I want to share my perspective and the things the Lord is showing me through this time. We have to know ourselves and know how we need to process things but we also need to know that the Lord is good... no ifs, ands or buts about it. So, let me share with you some lessons that I'm learning...

For a tree to achieve it's purpose it takes work. Different trees require different amounts of work: watering, protecting from cold, stabilizing, pruning, etc. Some trees grow quickly, some take hundreds of years to reach their height. But the thing is, the tree never has to try to figure out how to make it's purpose happen on it's own. The planter who chose the seed, knowing it's potential and what it would need to reach that potential, knew the amount of work that would be needed to make this tree the best that it could be. And it reminds me of the Father. He knows because He created. He knew us before we were in our mother's wombs, and He knows the plans He has for us. That right there brings a peace to my over working mind already. 

Another thing I'm learning is that it is ok to be sad. It is ok to process through our emotions. What is not ok is dwelling on hurts because that will only stir up jealousy and bitterness. Though it may be hard and require some extra effort, we need to choose to rejoice over the joyous moments in the lives of the people around us... because love is not selfish. And the Lord has not just left us out to hang dry while these circumstances are happening, He has sent us His Holy Spirit to be our comfort, to give us the right words and to help us look through with Kingdom perspective. We are not doing this alone. How good is our God? SELAH!

And the last thought I will leave you with is this: we need to dig in to the Lord deeply in this season of life. He will uplift us. His word will nourish us. He will stir up our hope and our trust. It may not be easy, but what HE has for us in HIS right timing is worth so much more than the rushed options we could try to pull out of a hat. And that is more than good enough for me. In His perfection, if I have to wait till I'm 80, I will choose to follow His lead and wait. 

         Isaiah 55:8-9

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.

 

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways

And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Lord, my prayer right now is that those who are hurting in a time of waiting would be lifted up by You. All it takes is one moment with You for our perspectives to be shifted. So Holy Spirit dwell with us. Teach how to be loving and filled with joy especially when our flesh is telling us to throw in the towel and carry around bitterness and jealousy. We can only process as deep as our fleshly nature allows us unless we have You... so I invite You to come and change our hearts! More of You and less of us. And we wait patiently for the promises and dreams that cling to our hearts and minds, but until then teach us how to simply obey. In Jesus' name, Amen!

HE Has Overcome!

I am sad and righteously angry at the events of this past week. The fact that so many people have lost their lives makes my stomach churn and a fire burn inside of me. I cannot comprehend the thoughts in the minds of the men who have caused this time of grief and pain. But what I do know is this: the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10)... period. He has no intent of doing good. He has no desire to be helpful. And he will not preserve life. But God, in the midst of pain, sorrow and questioning offers us a light in the darkness... His name is Jesus.

John 16:33

"These things I (Jesus) have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD."

This is not a nonchalant word that the Lord just placed in scripture for no reason... this is POWER! It is release in AUTHORITY! It tells us that even though the world may seemingly be crumbling to have FAITH, for He has already taken care of it. So cling to this verse, hide it in your heart and think on it daily. And when the enemy thinks he is sly and can stir up chaos and pain, throw this verse in his big ugly face and declare: JESUS IS MY OVERCOMER!!!

  Lord, we are in a season of pain in our world... people are dying, possibly not even knowing You and Your great love for them. Families are losing loved ones. The entertainment industry is losing those who are willing to shine Your light in a dark world! BUT, You are ever faithful and You are ever true! So I ask for a special outpouring of your glory and for a dwelling of Your presence around us. When the whole earth shakes, would we remember that You are our loving Father and faithful friend. 

  I ask for visitation of Your Spirit to visit the families of those who are suffering through these tragedies. Breathe Your life in their hearts where it may feel like they don't even want to live. Let them come to know Your love for them and find comfort in Your arms. May they be surrounded by people who speak words of life and wisdom, and not words of hurt and blame. Stir up intercessors around the world that will cover them in prayer at every moment. Blessed are they that mourn!

  And Lord, I ask for Your church to rise up. That this would be a time to bless and love on the hurting. That Your light would shine through us so brightly and that all of the fleshly mindsets that the enemy would like to use to bring further pain would be broken off. We are Your salt in this earth, so help us to be just that! This is a time for love and comfort and I declare that Your bride will walk in those things! In Your Holy and Precious Name, Amen!

Truth or Lies

Can I start off by sharing that the last 2 weeks I have felt defeated? Well I have, AND I didn't even know it. It's not really the defeat like in sports where you didn't gain enough points to beat the other team... But it's the defeat that comes with words like this: "I guess this is just the way it is and will be." That melancholy, lackadaisical, no fight left kind of defeated. The enemy hasn't even won and I'm throwing up the white flag. And the scary part,  I didn't even realize it until today. BUT GOD... and I'll get to that in a minute.

Last week I went to get a CT head scan done because of the horrible migraines and headaches I've been having. I know I've shared in previous blogs that I'm in the middle of some health struggles, but the last 2 weeks have just been rough. On top of all the issues with my uterus and ovaries, I have been a mess. And everyday that I don't receive answers from tests it's like I take this mental white flag and say that this is the way I am and will be. Though I pray and pray and BEG God for healing and freedom from these things, I've not seen any progress or relief. When people ask me how I'm doing, I think to myself: "why do they even ask, it's just the same story over and over again!" And I feel completely annoying always responding with negative. And so HAS been the story of my life recently...

Today I came home pretty quickly after work to wait for a house cleaner to show up. I waited... and waited... and continued to wait. An hour after the time she was supposed to be here she still hadn't arrived so I did what most Americans do now days to waste time, I got on Facebook. After 45 minutes of wasting my life scrolling (don't even judge me... I know you've done it too! lol) I happened upon a post that was made by someone I don't know. They had tagged one of my FB friends and so it randomly popped up on my feed. It was a blog that one of the leaders from The RAMP ministry in AL  had written... I was decently over scrolling so I clicked the link to the blog and began reading.

The blog was short, and honestly I don't remember much that it said except for the fact that it had a link to watch a clip of Karen Wheaton speaking and sharing the story of restoration with her family from the last couple of years. I knew bits and pieces of this testimony and so I thought, eh why not give it a watch? When I clicked on the link I did what I do most times I click on videos to watch... I checked how long it was. And whew it was long. I moved my finger to that little x on the top left part of the screen and I was ready to close the page when I had a quick thought, "what if this is for you?" Well, can you really ignore a thought like that, especially when you believe in the Living God that still speaks to us?

Within minutes I knew the Lord wanted to speak to me through this video. Mrs. Karen began by briefly describing the will of God and the mysteries of God. And in those simple breakdowns there was a word that really captured my heart... When you know the will of God, because His will is His word, and you are a friend of God, you have the confidence to approach the thrown room with declarations of His will... you have authority to bombard the gates of hell with the declarations that "He is willing that NONE shall perish!"... both of those things are two very deep, gut wrenching places for me right now. And so my attention was got!

I sat and watched this video for the entirety of her message. I declared over myself that I would remember my place and calling and would step in to it. I asked the Lord to forgive me for being quick to forget His word and declarations. And I thought of scriptures that stirred my faith and hope. Because the reality of the fact is what is happening in the natural is only temporary... but when His kingdom comes and His will is done on earth as it is in heaven, the natural has to come into alignment with Him... sickness has to flee!

Side note: How great of the Lord to use this time of waiting for a house cleaner who is running late and my need to fill curiosity to speak to some very tender places in my heart! He's a good God!

So I leave you with 2 things... Karen Wheaton's message I watched... do yourself a favor and watch it: click here. And with a thought: if you are struggling, with health issues or lost loved ones or anything this life could throw your way, remember that His word is alive and it is our weapon. Stand firm and do not accept the lies of the enemy that say "this is just the way it is" when that very statement contradicts the living, breathing word of the Lord! Let His will encompass you and let your relationship with Him empower you to walk boldly according to His will.

Even In the Smallest of Things

Do you ever feel like the things you do are pointless? The words you say don't matter? Or wonder if your life counts for something? I do... often. Not in a self-pity, woe is me kind of way. But in a "I'm a silly human living in a huge world that was designed and created by the giver of life Himself" kind of way... if that makes any sense?

Over the past few months I have done a lot of thinking and then praying and listening then processing and then praying some more. A lot of that looking like me saying "Lord, I'm just me and I don't see the big picture but I want to be obedient." With a lot of responses that sound like: "You are you, made in MY image (Genesis 1:26-27). You are you, filled with the SAME Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11). You are you, obediently putting faith to action (James 2:17)." He reminds me that every thing that I do for His glory, whether the biggest of leaps or the smallest of crawls, if done for Him is Holy.

Take a moment and watch this clip of Heidi Baker discussing this very same thing in a clip from the documentary 'Finger of God' by Darren Wilson:

It feels like too often we are in a mode of comparison that the things the Lord has asked of us seem insignificant. But I'm hear to remind us that the thoughts that stem from comparison are not truth. They are lies that the enemy likes to use to distract us from walking obediently in what the Lord has called us to do. Though we may not be standing on a stage in front of 200,000 people, though we may not have a worship cd out, though we may not have the title of pastor, though we may not be on the mission field in Africa... none-the-less, our obedience is Holy to Him.

We learn in the Word that God delights in our obedience far more than in any sacrifice or offering we could give (1 Samuel 15:22). As lovers of Jesus we must choose to dwell in a place where if everything we achieve for the Kingdom is done in the secret place it is ok with us. No pride. No need for recognition. But true, humble obedience to the Lord's will. Even if it is the smallest of steps.

When I hear Heidi talk about sweeping floors and holding children it stirs my heart to remember that small beginnings matter to the Lord (Zechariah 4:10). That out of her humility and obedience to do the small things that most see as unwanted tasks, she is allowed to experience such wonders. It's a heart condition that eventually shows it's fruit on the outside. Not false humility trying to fool the world into placing them on a pedestal, but true humble obedience to the call of the Father's heart.

When we are stuck in the "does my life count?" mindset, let's remember to humble ourselves before the Lord and ask Him to give us the tasks that will stir His heart. And let's take time invite His Spirit to be involved even in the smallest beginnings... For Heidi said it well:

"Everything we do is Holy unto Him"

So let us remind ourselves that it doesn't mater what the person's gifts over there look like and remember that as we declare His holiness in all we do with a heart of humility, that He will honor it and it WILL make a difference in this world... and be ok if that difference is big or small.

When The Earth Shakes

I learn lessons from so many random places... today it happened to be my nail salon. As most of the country knows, California is earth quake central. We often feel quakes happen and after a few minutes of "did you feel that?" being passed around the room or now days on social media, we move on with disregard. It's exciting / scary for a second but once the hype settles it's almost as if it never even happened. Today when our 2.9 quake hit, I saw a comparison and was stirred to remember something that I would like to share with you.

As I sat at the manicure table in my nail salon dozing while getting my neck massaged, I could feel a very content feeling in the room. Women were relaxed and still as they were being pampered and pretty much keeping to themselves. When my massage was over (which, by the way, is always the worst part... they could never massage long enough) I was sitting there soaking my hands in some warm water getting prepared for my nail lady to come work her magic. All of a sudden the chair and desk shook quickly. It was so quick that I thought it must have been a semi driving by. Within seconds the room jumped out of its stillness; and what started as whispers about a possible quake soon became bold reactions thanks to a confirmed news report on the tv. 

At first I joined the other women in the "excitement" but I quickly felt a stirring to just sit back and listen. The women talked about how big they thought this quake was and asked each what was the biggest quake they had ever experienced. One lady shared about how a 7.6 quake she experienced really changed her life and caused her to stop smoking. Another shared about her child being involved in relief work in other countries that had experienced major earth quakes. All of a sudden the ground shaking became a common ground and the popular topic of the room... It brought people together. 

After 5 minutes or so, and honestly after a little snooze on my part, my nail lady came over and started working on my nails. I looked around and everyone had gone right back to their own content spaces. It was quiet again in the room. My heart started to stir, and I even got a little emotional as I felt the Lord say, "this is the nature of man... that the earth will shake with my glory but when things settle man just returns to the contentment he knows." 

"Wow Lord, I was just trying to relax and get my nails done", is what my flesh thought, but my spirit was stirred up. 

I then thought of all the amazing revivals and moves of the Lord I had experienced in my life and heard about and studied in college. Why did these moves end? What causes us to return to the comfortable and become content with it? Jesus even had to deal with this with His disciples in Matthew 26 as He called them to pray, but they slept instead. He warned them: 

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." 

We desire for the Lord to move, we desire to be connected to Him, but our flesh wants the opposite... wants the "easy". So why even try then, right? Why try to make ourselves something we're not? Why not just find a hole and sit in it? Because He, the One who sacrificed everything for our salvation, freedom and healing is so beyond worth it! And, He has made a way for us to overcome our flesh... we don't even have to figure it out on our own, He gave us directions! The Bible tells us in Luke 9:23 to deny ourselves (flesh) and pick up our cross (sacrifice) daily. In doing this we make the conscious decision to see His Kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10). And that is the kind of decisions I want my life to count for. 

When the Kingdom of heaven shakes this earth and when His glory surrounds us it is so much more powerful and life changing than any earth quake could ever be. So as His church, as His bride let us not grow content in the mundane of this world. Let us not find solace in the flesh. But let us run the race set before us (Hebrews 12) shining His light and bringing glory to His name. Because if the earth shaking in the natural can cause a woman to change her life, cause a young man to give of himself to help others and can stir a group of women to unite and care about each other within seconds, imagine the transformation our world would embrace from the Spirit of God shaking everything that can be shaken.

Will you join me in praying for a mighty earth shake? 

"To Heavenly Minded For Earthly Good"

Today I had a moment of revelation and freedom and I want to share it...

I want to change this world! I have always had a desire to do something big and it benefit the world. I think I'm not alone though; Michael Jackson said it so well in "Man in The Mirror":

I'm gonna make a change
For once in my life
It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

 That is my dream... to make a difference and to make my life count. I have high aspirations of seeing what is so called "normal" shifted and redirected. But Michael also makes an even greater point later on in his song:

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearerIf you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

If I want to see a difference made, then I need to make sure that change is evident in me. Not only do I need to make sure it's evident, but that it has dug itself way down to the depths of my very being and taken root in my core. How do I do that? How do I prepare myself for such change? How do I make this world a better place? These are the questions and ponders I met the Lord with today.

I've heard it said, "Nikki, don't get so caught up in the spiritual that you miss what's going on down here on earth." In other words, don't be so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good. Have you ever been on the receiving end of that statement? Have you ever thought twice about it? I hadn't until today.

This afternoon as I sat in the chapel of my church worshiping and praying, the presence of the Lord was so sweet and peaceful. I was feeling so refreshed and just enjoying my time with Him that I had the thought "why can't it always be like this?" I quickly felt the Lord respond with "it can" in the most gentle way imaginable. Then I was flooded with the memories of all the conversations I'd had with people (in the church and out) who had told me in essence to not be to heavenly minded. It's interesting how all this time I had been storing those memories inside of me and holding on to them as if they were truth. This moment quickly turned into a lesson...

What does heavenly minded look like? What does earthly good look like? Were the disciples any earthly good because they loved Jesus and spent every moment possible with Him. And because they spent so much time with Him they learned how to love people and how to release healing and freedom. That sounds like some world changers to me. They weren't perfect people but their time with Jesus was evident in the way they impacted the world.

Why have we as the church, the body of Christ, myself, allowed this lie of needing to have something the world can relate to in order to make a difference to so impact us? It is not truth! People are searching for truth! They are searching for love! For freedom and healing! They are not looking for something they can relate to because they already have that. But what they don't have, we do.

The Father. Jesus. Holy Spirit.

The revelation I had today was that I want to be so heavenly minded that everything I do reflects the Father and releases Heaven on earth... that'd be a pretty big change for the world!

No more hiding behind religion. No more trying to walk the line of politically correct and loving Jesus (side note, Jesus was often not politically correct)! I want to spend my life so engulfed in Him, in His presence that He permeates out of my very being. Not afraid of how I may look to the world. Because if I allow Him fill me up He will give me the wisdom, the right things to say, the love to give. All of those things stem from being with Him, not by distancing myself from His presence.

I want to leave you with this... His presence is all we need! Here are some (just a few) verses that remind us of that:

Rest - Exodus 33:14

Love - 1 John 4:16

Power - Acts 2

Joy - Psalm 16:11

Strength - Joshua 1:9

Protection - Psalm 31:20, Psalm 23:4

Provision - John 15:5

Just as I was encouraged by this today, I pray that you will be as well. I pray that you will choose to break off the lies of religion that try to hide themselves in our minds and in place of that seek Jesus. Seek His heart and be confident to know that in Him this world WILL be changed!