What About Me?

What do you do when your whole being feels stuck and yet the whole world around you keeps moving? When your dreams are feeling lost in some other galaxy but everyone around you seems to be enjoying the fruit of their hopes? You long to travel but can't and everyone else seems to be able to while you are waiting. You're waiting for a husband while all your friends from high school and college are already married, engaged or soon to be. Your heart yearns for a child, and every other post on FB is either a pregnancy or birth announcement. You want to be healthy; you want to do what you're called to do. It' a hard season to be in and I know many of us are there... so I want to speak to the tiny bit of hope that is still stirring.

I watched a video tonight that is going viral on FB. It is the story of a couple with the promise of a child. Not just any child, but a little girl, with olive skin whose name would be Chloe. They share of the struggle they faced for years when they had no comprehension where this child would come from since they could not conceive. It tested their trust, their faith and their hope. The Lord had made a promise but it was a promise that would take place in His perfect timing. I don't want to destroy the whole story for you so I will attach the video to my blog for you to enjoy... it's worth the watch!

One of the subjects that came up briefly in the video was the pain this couple felt when all their friends were announcing pregnancies and babies but they seemed to have no hope. It tested their hearts on the goodness of God. How can we, as human beings, celebrate the joys that we long for when we aren't seeing them but others are? It's hard. There's no simple way of putting it. It is hard to rejoice with friends living their dreams when it feels like you'll never be able to celebrate your own. 

I am in that hard season right now where I am not seeing dreams happen. I am not seeing much of anything happen. And I don't say that to stir up sympathy, but simply to be honest. I want to share my perspective and the things the Lord is showing me through this time. We have to know ourselves and know how we need to process things but we also need to know that the Lord is good... no ifs, ands or buts about it. So, let me share with you some lessons that I'm learning...

For a tree to achieve it's purpose it takes work. Different trees require different amounts of work: watering, protecting from cold, stabilizing, pruning, etc. Some trees grow quickly, some take hundreds of years to reach their height. But the thing is, the tree never has to try to figure out how to make it's purpose happen on it's own. The planter who chose the seed, knowing it's potential and what it would need to reach that potential, knew the amount of work that would be needed to make this tree the best that it could be. And it reminds me of the Father. He knows because He created. He knew us before we were in our mother's wombs, and He knows the plans He has for us. That right there brings a peace to my over working mind already. 

Another thing I'm learning is that it is ok to be sad. It is ok to process through our emotions. What is not ok is dwelling on hurts because that will only stir up jealousy and bitterness. Though it may be hard and require some extra effort, we need to choose to rejoice over the joyous moments in the lives of the people around us... because love is not selfish. And the Lord has not just left us out to hang dry while these circumstances are happening, He has sent us His Holy Spirit to be our comfort, to give us the right words and to help us look through with Kingdom perspective. We are not doing this alone. How good is our God? SELAH!

And the last thought I will leave you with is this: we need to dig in to the Lord deeply in this season of life. He will uplift us. His word will nourish us. He will stir up our hope and our trust. It may not be easy, but what HE has for us in HIS right timing is worth so much more than the rushed options we could try to pull out of a hat. And that is more than good enough for me. In His perfection, if I have to wait till I'm 80, I will choose to follow His lead and wait. 

         Isaiah 55:8-9

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.

 

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways

And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Lord, my prayer right now is that those who are hurting in a time of waiting would be lifted up by You. All it takes is one moment with You for our perspectives to be shifted. So Holy Spirit dwell with us. Teach how to be loving and filled with joy especially when our flesh is telling us to throw in the towel and carry around bitterness and jealousy. We can only process as deep as our fleshly nature allows us unless we have You... so I invite You to come and change our hearts! More of You and less of us. And we wait patiently for the promises and dreams that cling to our hearts and minds, but until then teach us how to simply obey. In Jesus' name, Amen!