People.
Expectations.
Rejection.
And how it all plays together with gratefulness.
When I started my blog back in college, I imagined it as an online journal for just me. A safe place to keep record of the things I'm doing, the lessons I'm learning, and a place to reflect back on to see how I've grown. Over time, though, I've matured and the Lord has stretched my idea and vision of ministry and this has become a place of outreach and testimony instead. Every week that I publish a post I pray that it reaches the people it's meant to reach, encourages the hearts that need it, and shines a light in a dark world.
But, there's been a big struggle for me in this journey of blogging. When the transition came from a "self-focused journal" to a "ministry focused blog" I began to feel all the rejection. Why? Well the simple answer is the enemy sucks. But the bigger picture is that I expected that friends would come along side and encourage me, keep me accountable, celebrate with me, and share my blog... but they didn't. In fact, they rarely even read it. And my expectations were crushed, thus leaving my heart feeling rejected and unsupported. And I'll tell you what, it's hard to make yourself get up and write when you are feeling that way.
Why keep blogging if it hurts so much? Because I learned a long time ago that the enemy likes to hit where it hurts usually because he's afraid of what the outcome will be if you keep going. But I REFUSE to give in to his dramatic tactics. I have the option... to share what the Lord puts in my heart and trust that He'll heal the hurt I feel after, or to give up and deal with regret. And I'm not one for a life of regret.
So, what's all of this got to do with gratefulness you may be wondering?
Well when I started the Journal To Gratefulness journey I wanted (and needed) it to interrupt and dig up areas that I was really having trouble being grateful in... one of which was people, expectations, and rejection. Throughout the process this has been THE HARDEST area to figure out to be grateful. And to be honest, I'm not there yet. I want to be upfront and vulnerable about that... I do not have the answer yet. This is an area I'm still walking through it, still trying to figure it out as I go.
But I'm not giving up.
I believe there is another side to this. I believe and am filled with hope that I will come out on that side having gained wisdom and strategy in how to be grateful for people who will not meet my expectations and will reject me... possibly even grateful for what that rejection will teach me. And that is a step forward for me. Because at the beginning of all this I didn't have a glimmer of hope for that and was just grasping for air through each stormy wave of being rejected.
I said at the beginning of this journey I wanted to share the good, bad, and unclear... so today's post is one of those "not there yet, but moving forward" posts. I'm trusting the Lord, His Word, and this process He has me on. I would encourage you to also just keep going. We've all got areas that we feel stuck in and are needing to see the Lord do a work. Just keep pushing in to Him, being obedient to His directives, and trust the process He is leading you through. He is faithful! He will help us and teach us and lead us... we just gotta keep following.
Things I was grateful for this week:
- Authority in Christ... over sickness, demons, emotions, etc.
- Our new backyard furniture and the peaceful place it gives me to process.
- Fruit trees. MY fruit trees!
"Grateful: (adjective)
warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful" - Dictionary.com
