In the past few months I have been going through a transformation of mind, or maybe I should say a renewing. You see, my whole life I have been someone who would fight for what I thought was right, or just. It really irked me all the way to the core when someone would say something false about someone, anyone. I would be quick to correct them and let them know it wasn't ok. It's this justice thing inside of me.
But lately... the Lord started speaking to me about me allowing Him to fight my battles: "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent. (Exodus 14:14)" Silent?!?! Do you know how hard it is for me to be silent? ESPECIALLY if someone is not acting justly! At first this lesson seemed hard. How was I going to be able to just not speak my mind in situations that I felt deserved it? How would I be able to sit by idly and let things happen? But the Lord is faithful... if He is going to take us through a lesson, there will be grace for us to learn through it.
It started off with smaller things, someone would say something and I would be quick to want to speak but the still small voice of the Lord would be quick to remind me, "I've got this battle!" Then some bigger things happened, to the point where I scheduled meetings to address them, and the Lord reminded me: "I will fight this battle, let Me be the implementer of justice!" And so I cancelled meetings to be obedient to what the Lord was teaching me.
And then something big happened. A situation that took my breath away... literally. Something that in my heart was not justified. And it hurt. And it confused me. But most of all, it made me want to stand up for myself. I wanted to come against every negative thing that had been said against me. But in the midst of it, I could feel the presence of the Lord. I could hear His voice saying: "Let Me justify you!" So I am.
Was it easy to not fight? No! Did I ask questions? Definitely. Did I get emotional and shed tears? FOR SURE! I think this scenario was one of the hardest things I've been through, outside of my health. But can I just say again how faithful the Lord is? Because He is so good.This whole time He knew these situations were coming and though my mind and emotions felt blown away and confused, my heart knew the Lord was at work.
I love how He began to prepare me to not fight. He started teaching me months ago in little things to let Him have it. So when I reached this pinnacle moment, my heart was already ready to let Him take the reigns. Like I said previously, just because my heart was prepared doesn't mean it was an easy thing. But what it does mean is that I can focus on the Lord filling me up instead of focussing on having to prove myself to those around me.
This scripture comes to mind today: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. (John 10:10)" Instead of letting myself be robbed by the enemy and his schemes, I get to be full of the abundant life the Lord has for me. I get to trust that His plan is already at work because I have given my life over to His hands.
I just want to encourage you if you're reading this: Sometimes this world and the people in it will smack us around, but our hope does not lie in them, our hope lies in the Lord. And when we place our lives (hurts, fears and joys) into His hands, we can trust that we will prosper (Jeremiah 29:11) and He will work all things out for our good (Romans 8:28).
My journey isn't over, I've still got many lessons to learn along the way I'm sure. But one thing is certain, I have learned that letting God fight for me is way more beneficial for me and the people around me!
