Can I start off by sharing that the last 2 weeks I have felt defeated? Well I have, AND I didn't even know it. It's not really the defeat like in sports where you didn't gain enough points to beat the other team... But it's the defeat that comes with words like this: "I guess this is just the way it is and will be." That melancholy, lackadaisical, no fight left kind of defeated. The enemy hasn't even won and I'm throwing up the white flag. And the scary part, I didn't even realize it until today. BUT GOD... and I'll get to that in a minute.
Last week I went to get a CT head scan done because of the horrible migraines and headaches I've been having. I know I've shared in previous blogs that I'm in the middle of some health struggles, but the last 2 weeks have just been rough. On top of all the issues with my uterus and ovaries, I have been a mess. And everyday that I don't receive answers from tests it's like I take this mental white flag and say that this is the way I am and will be. Though I pray and pray and BEG God for healing and freedom from these things, I've not seen any progress or relief. When people ask me how I'm doing, I think to myself: "why do they even ask, it's just the same story over and over again!" And I feel completely annoying always responding with negative. And so HAS been the story of my life recently...
Today I came home pretty quickly after work to wait for a house cleaner to show up. I waited... and waited... and continued to wait. An hour after the time she was supposed to be here she still hadn't arrived so I did what most Americans do now days to waste time, I got on Facebook. After 45 minutes of wasting my life scrolling (don't even judge me... I know you've done it too! lol) I happened upon a post that was made by someone I don't know. They had tagged one of my FB friends and so it randomly popped up on my feed. It was a blog that one of the leaders from The RAMP ministry in AL had written... I was decently over scrolling so I clicked the link to the blog and began reading.
The blog was short, and honestly I don't remember much that it said except for the fact that it had a link to watch a clip of Karen Wheaton speaking and sharing the story of restoration with her family from the last couple of years. I knew bits and pieces of this testimony and so I thought, eh why not give it a watch? When I clicked on the link I did what I do most times I click on videos to watch... I checked how long it was. And whew it was long. I moved my finger to that little x on the top left part of the screen and I was ready to close the page when I had a quick thought, "what if this is for you?" Well, can you really ignore a thought like that, especially when you believe in the Living God that still speaks to us?
Within minutes I knew the Lord wanted to speak to me through this video. Mrs. Karen began by briefly describing the will of God and the mysteries of God. And in those simple breakdowns there was a word that really captured my heart... When you know the will of God, because His will is His word, and you are a friend of God, you have the confidence to approach the thrown room with declarations of His will... you have authority to bombard the gates of hell with the declarations that "He is willing that NONE shall perish!"... both of those things are two very deep, gut wrenching places for me right now. And so my attention was got!
I sat and watched this video for the entirety of her message. I declared over myself that I would remember my place and calling and would step in to it. I asked the Lord to forgive me for being quick to forget His word and declarations. And I thought of scriptures that stirred my faith and hope. Because the reality of the fact is what is happening in the natural is only temporary... but when His kingdom comes and His will is done on earth as it is in heaven, the natural has to come into alignment with Him... sickness has to flee!
Side note: How great of the Lord to use this time of waiting for a house cleaner who is running late and my need to fill curiosity to speak to some very tender places in my heart! He's a good God!
So I leave you with 2 things... Karen Wheaton's message I watched... do yourself a favor and watch it: click here. And with a thought: if you are struggling, with health issues or lost loved ones or anything this life could throw your way, remember that His word is alive and it is our weapon. Stand firm and do not accept the lies of the enemy that say "this is just the way it is" when that very statement contradicts the living, breathing word of the Lord! Let His will encompass you and let your relationship with Him empower you to walk boldly according to His will.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Monday, May 9, 2016
Even In the Smallest of Things
Do you ever feel like the things you do are pointless? The words you say don't matter? Or wonder if your life counts for something? I do... often. Not in a self-pity, woe is me kind of way. But in a "I'm a silly human living in a huge world that was designed and created by the giver of life Himself" kind of way... if that makes any sense?
Over the past few months I have done a lot of thinking and then praying and listening then processing and then praying some more. A lot of that looking like me saying "Lord, I'm just me and I don't see the big picture but I want to be obedient." With a lot of responses that sound like: "You are you, made in MY image (Genesis 1:26-27). You are you, filled with the SAME Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11). You are you, obediently putting faith to action (James 2:17)." He reminds me that every thing that I do for His glory, whether the biggest of leaps or the smallest of crawls, if done for Him is Holy.
Take a moment and watch this clip of Heidi Baker discussing this very same thing in a clip from the documentary 'Finger of God' by Darren Wilson:
It feels like too often we are in a mode of comparison that the things the Lord has asked of us seem insignificant. But I'm hear to remind us that the thoughts that stem from comparison are not truth. They are lies that the enemy likes to use to distract us from walking obediently in what the Lord has called us to do. Though we may not be standing on a stage in front of 200,000 people, though we may not have a worship cd out, though we may not have the title of pastor, though we may not be on the mission field in Africa... none-the-less, our obedience is Holy to Him.
We learn in the Word that God delights in our obedience far more than in any sacrifice or offering we could give (1 Samuel 15:22). As lovers of Jesus we must choose to dwell in a place where if everything we achieve for the Kingdom is done in the secret place it is ok with us. No pride. No need for recognition. But true, humble obedience to the Lord's will. Even if it is the smallest of steps.
When I hear Heidi talk about sweeping floors and holding children it stirs my heart to remember that small beginnings matter to the Lord (Zechariah 4:10). That out of her humility and obedience to do the small things that most see as unwanted tasks, she is allowed to experience such wonders. It's a heart condition that eventually shows it's fruit on the outside. Not false humility trying to fool the world into placing them on a pedestal, but true humble obedience to the call of the Father's heart.
When we are stuck in the "does my life count?" mindset, let's remember to humble ourselves before the Lord and ask Him to give us the tasks that will stir His heart. And let's take time invite His Spirit to be involved even in the smallest beginnings... For Heidi said it well:
So let us remind ourselves that it doesn't mater what the person's gifts over there look like and remember that as we declare His holiness in all we do with a heart of humility, that He will honor it and it WILL make a difference in this world... and be ok if that difference is big or small.
Over the past few months I have done a lot of thinking and then praying and listening then processing and then praying some more. A lot of that looking like me saying "Lord, I'm just me and I don't see the big picture but I want to be obedient." With a lot of responses that sound like: "You are you, made in MY image (Genesis 1:26-27). You are you, filled with the SAME Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11). You are you, obediently putting faith to action (James 2:17)." He reminds me that every thing that I do for His glory, whether the biggest of leaps or the smallest of crawls, if done for Him is Holy.
Take a moment and watch this clip of Heidi Baker discussing this very same thing in a clip from the documentary 'Finger of God' by Darren Wilson:
It feels like too often we are in a mode of comparison that the things the Lord has asked of us seem insignificant. But I'm hear to remind us that the thoughts that stem from comparison are not truth. They are lies that the enemy likes to use to distract us from walking obediently in what the Lord has called us to do. Though we may not be standing on a stage in front of 200,000 people, though we may not have a worship cd out, though we may not have the title of pastor, though we may not be on the mission field in Africa... none-the-less, our obedience is Holy to Him.
We learn in the Word that God delights in our obedience far more than in any sacrifice or offering we could give (1 Samuel 15:22). As lovers of Jesus we must choose to dwell in a place where if everything we achieve for the Kingdom is done in the secret place it is ok with us. No pride. No need for recognition. But true, humble obedience to the Lord's will. Even if it is the smallest of steps.
When I hear Heidi talk about sweeping floors and holding children it stirs my heart to remember that small beginnings matter to the Lord (Zechariah 4:10). That out of her humility and obedience to do the small things that most see as unwanted tasks, she is allowed to experience such wonders. It's a heart condition that eventually shows it's fruit on the outside. Not false humility trying to fool the world into placing them on a pedestal, but true humble obedience to the call of the Father's heart.
When we are stuck in the "does my life count?" mindset, let's remember to humble ourselves before the Lord and ask Him to give us the tasks that will stir His heart. And let's take time invite His Spirit to be involved even in the smallest beginnings... For Heidi said it well:
"Everything we do is Holy unto Him"
So let us remind ourselves that it doesn't mater what the person's gifts over there look like and remember that as we declare His holiness in all we do with a heart of humility, that He will honor it and it WILL make a difference in this world... and be ok if that difference is big or small.
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