I'm sitting here in my bed with my pup and I should be feeling grateful and blessed... but, instead I feel a sense of unease and mourning... on top of feeling sick!
You see, January used to be my favorite month... in fact I used to look forward to it months (usually starting in July) in advance. But over the last few years this month has become one of painful memories of those I've lost and things that have been taken away! Now don't get me wrong, I trust the Lord and have no anger about these things, but my heart is still sad! I have spent all this week remembering stories and thinking about promises the Lord has made... needless to say I have been an emotional wreck! One minute I am fine and can function like a normal human being and then I see or hear or smell something that reminds me my grandparents and I immediately begin to cry! Or I am reminded of desires and promises in my life that haven't been fulfilled and I really can't see (right now at least) how they could even be possible! The desire to be rid of debt, and yet I lose job after job after job... it's just CRAZY!!! The desire to be married... yep, enough said there! The desire to travel! So many longings and promises!
I would love to be able to just hop in the car right now, drive to a beach and just pop a tent up there until this month passes by... but I know that is not realistic! The Lord still has things for me to do, so I need to snap out of it, keep pressing in, keep trusting, and know that the plans the Lord has for me are GOOD!
Sometimes, all you need is a little vent to get the cloud out of the room so you can think clearly...
Consider the cloud cleared! :)
